iRelationship
by Jukebox Junker
Summary: A fictional work of how Carly and Sam discovered their more-than-platonic feelings for one another. From Sam's POV. Mature themes. Yada yada yada yada. Rated M for future chapters and extra security of Sam's dirty mouth/thoughts.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first iCarly fanfiction. Obviously, I don't own any of the characters. I'll do my very best to hold true to the character's personalities, but I can't make any promises. I hope you like it!

Inspirations: Backyard Baseball computer game, a severe lack of technology (no internet and no cable), and Arizona Sweet Tea.

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Chapter One: iWorry About You

Today would have been another normal day of school, where I would groggily pull myself together and drag my feet to the bus stop to catch the bus for school, eat a truck load of food at lunch, and end up crashing at Carly's house until late. But she seemed rather off today. It had been irritating me all day, making my head spin with what possibilities could have happened, with whatever negative influence could have made my best friend feel this way about the daily rituals we suffered through together. So, I was trying to be on my best behavior, for her sake. I had to grind my teeth whenever I bit back the urge to insult Freddie, just because I knew it would make her feel just an ounce better.

We walked upstairs to her apartment in near silence. The only sounds I could hear were the elevator dinging as someone else in the building stepped into it, holding several bags of groceries and ushering a small child inside, and Freddie's stomping behind us. Why were his steps so ungraceful, always? Ugh. He was starting to get more and more on my nerves lately, especially today. But I bit back my insults. I had to. I had to get Carly to smile again.

I watched her jam her key into the doorknob and turn it gently. Her actions seemed very rushed and she seemed like she didn't want to be bothered with Freddie or myself. Luckily, today we were only rehearsing for another web show. Threading my fingers through my blond curls as I watched her slip into the apartment, sling her bag onto the couch, and run upstairs, my heart sank. Something was seriously wrong and I didn't even know what it was. What could be bothering her?

Both Freddie and I moved inside and I took the chance to close the door behind us. He started to go after Carly, but I gave him a gentle shove. I was being somewhat decent to him. "Not today, Fredward. This is my territory, not yours." I informed snappily, casting my own bag aside and following Carly upstairs. I popped my head into the room we used as the studio for iCarly. It had become like a second bedroom for Carls and I. We had some long talks and good jokes in this room, especially when Freddie wasn't around.

When I came into the room and closed the door behind us, I saw that she had her head in her hands and was sitting on the edge of the car-shaped bed. Again, my heart sank: it sank lower than the bloody Titanic had in real life. A sigh left my slightly parted lips. I had to be the bigger person here. Normally it was Carly picking up the pieces for me, reassuring me that just because my family puts me down doesn't mean that everyone will, and she uplifts my spirits. She gives me hope. She makes my chest grow tight and my stomach muscles clench, but in a good way. I sat down beside her and felt my fingers spread out over her upper back, just between her shoulder blades. I could feel her bra underneath her thin shirt; she was wearing one that snapped in the front. Huh. I didn't even think she owned one of those. Must have been a solo trip to Build-A-Bra. But I felt as if I needed to comfort her. I needed to make her feel as everything was going to be just fine.

That's when I noticed that she had started to cry, when she shifted to rest her head on my shoulder and moved her hands. Her hands were wet. Her face was hot and wet, tears streaming down her face. I hadn't known that she had been on the verge of tears for the better part of the day. At least I got her smiling at lunch when I surrendered my chocolate pudding cup to her, because it was the last one and she was bummed about not getting one with her lunch. I was glad I could give her some slice of satisfaction.

One of her damp hands reached for my free one, and her fingers started to curl, fitting the spaces between my fingers. Sometimes we had very sentimental moments like this, when we didn't have to say a word and we just _knew_ what was going on with the other. But today, I had no fucking clue what she was going through, because she wouldn't tell me. It didn't seem like she had the voice to tell me. So I had to press her, as much as I didn't want to, as reluctant as I was; I pressed her to find out more information as to why, why my Carly was sitting here with bleary eyes when she could be laughing at my teasing Freddie.

"Talk to me," I mumbled into her hair and she shook her head slightly. Okay, so she doesn't want to talk about it just yet. The corners of my lips curved into a weak smile as she squeezed my hand. "I can't help you if I don't know what has you crying, Cupcake." My words seemed to be reassuring to her, and she nodded weakly, lifting her head from my shoulder. She had a very tight hold on my hand; I think she was afraid to let go of me.

"Last night, after you and Freddie left, Spencer and I got some bad news." She informed me, her head bowing a little. Still, her tears were falling, but not as much as before. Both my hands were busied, so I couldn't even wipe her tears. I wanted to so badly, though. I did. But when I stopped moving my palm in circles over her back, I heard Carly take a sharp inhale of breath. She didn't like that I stopped my soothing rub to her back, so I continued the movement. "My dad was pronounced dead, around dinner time last night." She explained, her voice sounding broken. I went to speak, express my condolences to her, but she squeezed my hand. That meant 'shut up, Sam' and so I did just that, keeping my lips pursed together. "He was killed by friendly fire, a gun that went off because the safety wasn't on and the barrel was jammed and... oh, I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about!" She took her hand away from mine, holding her face again and starting to sob.

"Carls, shh. There's nothing that you could have done to prevent it from happening," One hand kept rubbing her back while my other hand moved some of her hair behind her ears. I moved her hands from her face and shifted us, pulling her into a loose embrace, wrapping my arms around her back. She didn't hug me back, just fell against me, her head on my shoulder and her hot tears nearly burning my exposed skin. I hated it when she got upset.

It was about fifteen minutes until I got her to stop crying and start laughing and smiling again. Sure, she still had the lingering thought that she had just found out her father was killed, but she was setting it aside for now. I promised myself that if I could, I wouldn't let her cry in front of me while other people were around; like at school, around Freddie and Spencer, places like that. If we were alone, then things were different. And I told her that, and she agreed with me.

"You should stay here tonight," She suggested, her voice appearing to be somewhat chipper. The very idea of staying with Carly tonight had my head reeling. "But you're not crashing on the couch like you normally do. I need you tonight," I knew there was no suggestive undertone to her voice in that last statement, but oh, I couldn't help but let my mind start to wander off on its own at that quip.

"I can do that, yeah. I just... need to call my mom first, you know. Check in and tell her I'll be here tonight." My voice sounded so cautious in my mind, but I've been told my voice sounds so different from what I hear it as. Well, it goes for just about everyone: the voice of yours that you hear, in your ears, is not what others hear when you speak. It could be higher, louder, faster, slower, whatever. Before I could even move to grab the telephone, Carly was handing me a cordless telephone and starting to dial my home telephone number. Quickly, I snatched the phone from her. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the house line had been disconnected and Mom was using a pre-paid cell phone. Money was tight at home. Mom was in between boyfriends and she was spending her cash on booze. At least she wasn't delving into drugs, that's all I was thankful for. I dialed the number I had forced myself to memorize and hoped it was even correct. It was. It rang three times before I got the automatic voice mail message. "Mom, it's Sam. I'm staying at Carly's tonight. Love you." Then I hung up, handing the phone back to Carly. That's when it hit me: she let her fingertips graze along the back of my hand before reaching for the phone. Odd, yes. But very enjoyable.

"Come on, let's go back downstairs. I'm sure Freddie is wondering why we just ditched him like we did." Carly offered, standing up and holding her hands out to me. She was wiggling her fingers and everything. I took her hands and stood, but then I let go. I couldn't keep sharing affections like this with her, especially when we were alone. But she reached for one of my hands as we left the studio, lacing our fingers again. I kept a tight hold on her hand until we started descending down the staircase, where a very sullen Spencer and a confused Freddie could see us like this. She turned her head back to me and I just gave her a look, a gentle look, one that meant we needed to sort out _us_ later, and now was not the time to sprawl her sadness into something that would mean instability and lust.

In the past couple of months, since we entered our sophomore year of high school, Carly and I have become a lot closer than ever before. She's been wanting to hold my hand quite often, making passes as me. But we have never kissed. Not that I would mind if we did. Actually, I think I would be enthralled if Carly and I kissed. Part of being best friends was sharing all of your deep dark secrets with one person and being able to complete trust him or her with your life. I trust Carly with my life. I trust her with my bacon, too. Actually, I'd choose her over bacon.

Once we made it downstairs, I made my way to the couch. Carly did as well. She slumped down beside me. My hands were kind of nervously folding in my lap when she reached for them and pulled them apart. Spencer was in the kitchen being consoled by Freddie. Essentially, we were alone, but in actuality, we were not.

"Carls, we're not alone anymore." I whispered to her, turning my head sideways to look at her, but she held a small smile.

"They aren't paying attention to us, Sam." She confessed gently, and I felt a smile tug at my lips. Ugh. Sometimes I just couldn't help but smile at her.

"Carls," I gave her a stern look and squeezed her hands. Not that I was rejecting these affections officially, I just didn't want something bad to stem from it several weeks down the road, especially when Carly wasn't even in a completely sane state of mind. Who in their right mind would go out of their way to try to get me anyway? I wasn't worth the trouble, honestly. But I had to admit, Carly and I do have something special. We understand each other so well.

She sighed and nodded slowly, releasing my hands and leaning back against the couch. I didn't quite expect her to pull me back, too, but she did. She reached for the television remote and pulled a blanket over us. A yawn left her lips. It wasn't even dark yet and she wanted to turn in? Boring.

"Are you tired?" I asked her as she turned the television on. Underneath the blanket, she managed to find my hand again, our fingers lacing. I cautiously let my thumb trace circles over the back of her hand. We were safe underneath the blanket like this, right? Right. No one would ever know we were holding hands. Not Freddie. Not Spencer. None of them would catch on.

"Very. I couldn't sleep well last night." She told me, her voice quiet. She rested her head on my shoulder and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her yawn again. Boy, she must be tired if she wanted to skip watching the boring Dingo show and close her eyes. I reached for the remote with my free hand and started flipping through channels.

"Then sleep. I'm not going anywhere, Carls." I saw her smile grow at my words and she squeezed my hand gently, so I squeezed hers back. I was coming to terms with this somewhat newfound relationship we had struck. It was as if we had each taken a step off the high dive and were descending in a never-ending tunnel. Something was just mildly unsettling about the fact that a tragedy brought out the best in what Carly and I never had the courage to admit was between us. Though, misery does love company. Secretly, I was looking forward to whatever might be in store for us, whether it be tonight or in the future. I wanted this to flourish.


	2. Chapter 2

There should be a little more intensity in this chapter, and a little more interaction between Carly, Sam, Spencer, and Freddie as a group, as well as extraneous other characters. Enjoy. Please review!

Inspirations: Backyard Baseball; Cyclone - Baby Bash.

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Chapter Two: iAm Here Whenever You Need Me

The night came much sooner than we wanted it to. Freddie was called home by his mother, something about that shampoo contract he has with her and how he violated it for the last time. That alone made me chuckle. But I was scolded by my brunette friend, who gave me a light punch to the shoulder. I was used to her subtly abusive methods of whipping me into shape. Though lately, she had been taking my side more and more often. I liked that.

Spencer hadn't felt up to cooking, and Carly wasn't either. So I took the initiative and ordered in some pizza, two pies, which Spencer gratefully paid for. I told him I would cough up some money for him somewhere down the road and he sort of blew me off. I was completely serious, though. It was hard trying to get a job in a declining economic state, but I'm sure he knew how that went.

When the elevator door chimed and the doors opened to show a young man with two boxes of pizza, I perked up. Spencer had shuffled off into his room and Carly and I were left alone in the living room, the television practically blaring. I don't even know what we were watching, since I had somewhat dozed off. But she seem enthralled by whatever was on the television set. I grabbed the crumpled cash and handed it over to the delivery boy, giving him a slack smile. He returned the same gesture and disappeared into the elevator.

"How many slices you want, Carls?" I called to her, opening one of the boxes after I set them down on the kitchen's island. I took out a slice and took a huge bite. I wasn't going to wait for a plate or anything. My stomach was growling!

"Uh, huh?" She answered back, turning down the volume of the television. Then she perked up a bit. "Oh, pizza's here." She chirped, hopping off the couch and moving into the kitchen. I wasn't even paying attention to where, but she pulled a paper plate from somewhere and started to dish out a slice onto the plate. There was that smile of hers that I had missed the whole day.

It was almost as if pizza felt uneventful. Carly ate her usual, two slices, while I finished off a good solid six slices before letting lose a very unladylike belch. I was momentarily scolded by my best friend, but by now, I was just used to it. So, I excused myself. Very unlike me, but for Carly, eh it's all right. Though she was a little taken by it.

"You excused yourself?" She asked, a slight smirk pulling at her features.

"I guess I did, weird." I noted, shrugging my shoulders weakly. As I moved towards the sink to grab a paper towel to wet - I had grease like, all over my mouth and today, it was bugging me a lot - and I turned on the sink, I felt arms snake around my waist and hug me tightly from behind. I also felt a cheek rest on my shoulder. The corners of my lips turned into a slight smile, too. Oh, I couldn't help it. It was like I turned to mush in Carly's hands whenever we were alone. And lately, she was starting to catch onto that, too.

I wiped my mouth and balled up the wet towel, reaching for a dry one to dry my hands, my mouth, and then crumple up around the wet one to toss in the garbage can more easily. But she just wouldn't let me move, not unless I turned to face her. So I did that. Her head lifted. We were practically eye to eye, nose to nose, mouth to mouth, face to face. We were a lot closer than I even thought we would be in reality. But I smiled. She smiled back. It was all so surreal.

"I just wanted to throw this out," My words sounded whispered, and weak. I hope she couldn't tell that my knees were threatening to buckle beneath me. But even if they did, I had the counter behind me to grab onto. I would not bring Carly down with me if I was going to possibly hurt myself. No way, no how.

"Throw it out later," She took the towel from my hand with one of hers, set it on the counter behind me and grabbed onto my waist again. I didn't know what was coming over her, but hey, I wasn't complaining about it.

"Carls, you're acting weird." I stated flatly, but I was keeping my voice down just in case. I was being so cautious. I didn't know if Spencer was awake or asleep. If he was awake, he could very easily just come out into the kitchen and catch us and throw me out and this would be such a mess... I didn't want that to happen.

Somehow I managed to get out of her arms, to move towards the garbage can and deposit my trash inside of it. I just don't know how I didn't keep myself in her clutches and let anything slip at all. How did Carly know I liked her that way? I had never told anyone; I had only just recently come to terms with it last year. I guess she just... knows me that well, to be able to read me like a book sometimes, even at times when I just wished she couldn't do that.

A yawn left my lips and I tried to cover it up, clamping a hand over my mouth. "Mmn, I think I'm ready for bed." I confessed, keeping my eyes shut as I stretched my arms out above my head.

"It's not even eight o'clock and you're tired? Gee, and you think something's wrong with me," I heard her mumble back at me. So I took the chance to playfully sneer in her direction. She noticed my sneer and stuck her tongue out at me. Oh, what I would do to get her arms around my waist again. Maybe this time I could actually enjoy it, as opposed to being overly confused about why she was acting the way I just wished she would act towards me. I had to pinch myself to ensure that I wasn't dreaming, to ensure this was my reality.

"Yeah. Rough day trying to keep your spirits up when I only found out what was troubling you when we got home." I was calling Carly's apartment home a lot more than usual. I was here almost all the time. And the nights I told her that I had gone home? Sometimes I did, sometimes I walked down to the bus station and slept there. Sometimes I camped out in the hallways of this building. And other times, I just stayed here, crashing on the couch, the kitchen floor, under the kitchen table, and sometimes, right next to Carly in her bed. Those were my favorite nights, when I could fall asleep with my face half buried in a pillow that smelled so sweet, like the strawberries and cream shampoo that she typically used. (Sometimes she switched it up with tropical coconut, but that hadn't been for awhile.)

"Touche," I heard the word easily roll out of her mouth, and I nodded slightly.

"Where am I sleeping tonight?" I asked, just about ready to slump into the couch for the night. That's when she grabbed my hand again and started pulling me upstairs.

"Race car bed, with me." She informed brightly. Our feet moved up the staircase in unison, each step we took leading us closer to something I was both enjoying and regretting. It was hard to be in any kind of slump when she was holding my hand, leading me up to her room like this. Well, the room we called a studio and she seemed to be taking over as a bedroom lately.

"Isn't that bed like.. a single?" My voice sounded weak again. She squeezed my hand and shook her head.

"No, it's a twin. And I put yellow sheets on it," She chuckled softly. She seemed to be so much less nervous than I was. But why? Probably because she was Carly, always overwhelming with confidence, unlike myself. Sure, I had that gruff exterior and I was very protective of my friends, but I was shy when it came to the intimate stuff. I just... was not comfortable with it at all. Why? Because I don't get experience. I've had, what... one boyfriend to date? And hell, I don't even like guys anymore. I've preferred girls since entering high school. I'm sure that Carly was the one that sparked that interest.

"Because a twin is so much larger..." I teasingly mused.

"I guess you'll just have to be extra close to me." She giggled and I shook my head some. It was hard finding reasons why I should let go of her hand. I was losing an uphill battle here and my reinforcements were absolutely nowhere to be found. Psh, probably off doing something they weren't supposed to be doing. I needed something to save me, something to distract me from the way my heart was starting to pick up the pace from her squeezing my hand.

"Uh, bathroom..." I muttered, letting go of her hand and running back down the stairs and into the bathroom across the hall from Spencer's bedroom. His door was shut. So he probably had been sleeping that whole time. Great. Thanks. Just when I need you to wake up, Spencer, you're crashed out in your bed, sound asleep and awkwardly snoring into your soggy pillow.

I closed the bathroom door behind me and turned the knob so I was locked in. Flipping on the light, I moved to stand in front of the sink and its mirror. There was no way that I could do this. Why tonight. Why did Carly have to have the worst day ever and ask me to spend the night? I splashed cold water on my face and looked up, staring back at my reflection. The water droplets rolled off my nose and down my cheekbones, dripping into the sink almost without a sound. I took a deep breath and exhaled smoothly. That's when I heard a knock on the door. I quickly wiped off my face and flushed the toilet, making it seem as if I actually went to the bathroom and wasn't just trying to slow my speeding heart.

"Sam, are you okay?" I heard her overly concerned voice and I started to panic. Shit. Why was she worrying about me? Why?

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be out in a sec..." I could hear her jiggling the doorknob, so I unlocked it and she popped her head inside.

"I brought you a t-shirt and shorts, if you didn't want to sleep in your jeans and stuff." She offered gently, handing over a red t-shirt and black shorts. I felt a toothy smile creep onto my face.

"Thanks, Carls." I took the clothes, ignoring the way my stomach dropped when her fingertips grazed the back of my hand. And she did it on purpose. She had to be catching on to the effects she had over me.

"See you upstairs," She closed the door behind her and her footsteps disappeared up to the studio room. I changed into the clothes she had given me, smirking a little when I saw how short the shorts were. They barely covered my ass. Oh, she was totally doing this for her own personal enjoyment. What a sick, twisted, and beautifully intelligent best friend I have. The t-shirt was the right size, though.

Ten minutes later, I climbed the stairs unceremoniously. I had found some ham in the fridge and munched on that, working up the courage to go upstairs in this embarrassing get-up Carly had me wearing to bed. And there she was, happily playing her Violin Hero game or whatever when I walked in. It was payback time.

I set my clothes aside, next to the beanbag chairs, and I snuck up behind her. She was dancing a little bit to the music, her hips swaying some, so I held them, and I rested my chin on her shoulder.

"I don't like the shorts." She jumped and paused her game, setting the violin down. When she turned to face me, a smirk had pulled across her face.

"I do. They're cute on you," She confessed, shrugging. She easily moved out of my grasp on her hips and went to the violin, to shut the game off and she turned off the television, too. I still don't even know why she loved that game so much. I couldn't even play the damn thing.

"You're terrible. I think you have a hidden agenda, trying to get me in next to nothing." I teased her and she shrugged, her smirk growing.

"Huh, maybe I do." She noted back at me. That's when my jaw nearly dropped. Was she... oh my chiz. I didn't expect that from Carly Shay.

"You're sneaky, Carls." I informed. "I like this different side of you. She's still polite and yet... very devious, too."

She curtsied to me and chuckled. "Why thank you. I like to think of it as my hidden sick talent." She sunk down onto the bed, leaning back into the pillows after peeling away the blankets. "Aren't you coming to bed?"

"Yeah. The lights are still on, though." I turned them off and climbed into the other side of the bed with her. It was rather dark in the room. I was on my back, my eyes ready to close, when I heard her shift. I turned my head and Carly was lying on her side, her head propped up by her elbow and hand. I smirked. "What,"

"You've been really off since we got home from school. What's wrong?" Her voice sounded so sweet and my eyes were tricking me. Her brown eyes were so dark in the room, and yet the little ounce of light coming in through the window made them glow a dark amber-orange color. And her skin was subtly dancing in the moonlight, giving my heart an extra flutter that it just didn't need right now.

"Off like how?"

"You wouldn't let me hold your hand. You tried to get away from me when I gave you a hug at the sink..."

"I was trying to wipe my face off and you hugged me. That's awkward."

"Point taken. And then you scared me half to death when you ran away to the bathroom. I thought you were sick or nervous or something."

"I had to pee like a race horse," My brow raised curiously. She dropped her head onto her pillow, but she was still facing me.

"But something is _still_ bugging you. What is it?" I know I tell her just about everything, but this time, I couldn't let her in on this secret. Instead, I flashed her a smile and turned on my side, my back facing her front.

"Good night, Carly." I told her. "Please try to get some sleep. If you can't sleep, then wake me up with the ham in your fridge."

"We have bacon in the freezer." She mumbled. I felt the bed move and she scooted closer to me, shyly moving an arm around my waist. I couldn't even refuse her at this point, partially because my mind was focused on the thought of bacon. Mm, bacon.

It wasn't even an hour later and the arm around my waist was gone. Somehow, I hadn't quite managed to fall asleep. But Carly did. She was sound asleep, her back to mine. So I boldly moved. I turned onto my other side, a mirror image of what we had been in only sixty minutes ago. It was time to face the music, I decided. I cautiously moved so my face rested in the crook between her shoulder and her neck, my eyes closing. I wrapped an arm around her waist and felt her arm move to rest on top of mine. So she was awake. She had to be.

"I'm here if you want to talk." I whispered into her skin, keeping my eyes closed. At this point, I just hoped she was sleeping and her movements were involuntary. Nope. I couldn't get anything right today.

"Good night, Sam." She whispered back to me. Her fingers slid into the spaces between mine and she curled her fingers around until her fingertips just gently touched my palm. It was hard to fall asleep, but eventually, I did. I managed. She fell asleep before I did. How did I know? I could hear her even breaths being drawn in and exhaled. She didn't breathe heavily, but she did breathe a little loud. It's all right, though. She didn't keep me awake.

"What, you're actually going to sleep?" I kept my face buried in the crook of her neck and I heard her giggle. But she didn't move very much.

"I was going to try," She informed me, keeping her voice just above a whisper. But I felt her body start to turn, her hand leaving mine. So I reluctantly lifted my head from the crook of her neck and opened my eyes.

"I can't see you, it's too dark in here." I mumbled to her. She giggled again and leaned towards me. I knew she leaned closer because her lips just carefully grazed mine. I don't think that's what she meant to do. "I found you," My lips barely moved when I spoke. I was almost scared to move them. My arm was still around her waist, my hand resting over the small of her back, just above her butt. She had a cute butt.

I felt her pull back, but we were still very close. "I didn't mean to kiss you." She whispered, and I shook my head.

"No, it's fine. Just an accident," I nodded slightly to her. But my eyes were adjusting to the darkness. She was still really close to me. I was practically breathing in her carbon dioxide. But I was not complaining. So I leaned my forehead on hers. I felt her fingertips graze along my jaw, then her palm settled on my cheek.

"Okay, maybe I _did_ mean to kiss you, but not like that." Her whispered words were followed by a nervous chuckle. She was so cute when she was nervous. No, she was always cute, even when she was angry. Before she could form another coherent word, I pressed my lips lightly to hers, and I could feel her smiling into the brief kiss that we shared. I tilted me head slightly and my nose brushed against hers. I could feel my confidence starting to build up. I suppose hers did as well, because it was her tongue that I felt trying to pry my lips open. I was reluctant, but I let her. I let her in.

It was like I was stuck in a dream and one that I did not want to wake up from. We had engaged in some kind of casual make out, when she tugged at my bottom lip. I smirked to her when she did, too.

"Why are oo iting me," I whispered to her and she released my lip, keeping her forehead on mine. It was as if we had been glued at the forehead for the past ten minutes.

"Because I like biting your lip, Samantha," She replied. But when she said my full name, I was cautious to respond to her, but I groaned.

"_Please_ don't call me that." I mumbled to her, tugging at her lip gently, until she kissed me again. But I felt an ounce of guilt wash over me. As we continued kissing, I had released her lip, until she tugged slightly at mine again. "Nng, what?" I questioned softly. Now that I had the opportunity to kiss her like this, I didn't want to stop. It was mildly addicting.

"It's actually getting late and we have school tomorrow." She argued, daring to move her forehead from mine, but just a fraction of an inch away. I whined a little and she shook her head to me. My protesting ceased, but I rolled my eyes. She had me wrapped around her little finger already; damn you, Carly Shay.

"Ah, fuck school." That earned me no kiss, but a firm grasp on my chin. "I'll go wash my mouth out with soap." I started to get up, but she wouldn't let me go. She pulled my arm around her waist more firmly and she curled against me, resting her head just under my chin.

"Don't go anywhere because you're warm and I'm cold." I looked down into her hair. It was messy and wavy and the smell of strawberries and cream was filling my nostrils.

"Fine. But are we actually going to sleep, or...?"

"No, we're going to sleep."

I guess I'm not sleeping naked tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

So, I decided to add a little twist into paradise. If you've got any ideas as to where I should take the story, feel free to voice your opinion. I have many ideas myself, but I'd love to hear new ones. Also, I'm looking for a beta. Here goes chapter three.

Inspirations: Cyclone - Baby Bash; 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins; Kiss Me - New Found Glory; Toccata & Fugue in D Minor - Bach.

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Chapter Three: iAm No Pinocchio

I was almost scared when I woke up, afraid that I wasn't _really_ awake and this was all just a dream. But I pinched myself. I wasn't dreaming. I was awake and Carly was still asleep in my arms. I knew that she was used to waking up at six, but her alarm clock hadn't even sounded yet. I buried my face into her hair and took a deep breath, then she shifted and groaned a little. She didn't want to move either, I noticed.

"What time is it," She mumbled against me, unwilling to move her head to actually look up at me. I knew she was still tired. I could tell by her voice.

"It's not even five yet. Go back to sleep, Cupcake." I started to move, but the arm she had around me tightened. "Okay, okay. I won't get up." My bladder totally wasn't going to explode or anything. I just needed to tell myself this was real and I wasn't dreaming, I wasn't hallucinating, and I didn't go home to drink myself to the point where I was seeing things, nope. I didn't tell Carly that I drank when I went home, when my mother wasn't drinking herself. But I was a lightweight. I could barely hold my liquor; I was working on enhancing my abilities, if at all possible.

"My alarm is gonna go off at quarter after six." She explained sleepily. "Spencer is already gone. He has an art show in Portland, Oregon. He'll be back tomorrow night." She kept talking after that, but I kind of tuned her out. I just nodded slowly. I think she asked me to spend the night again, but I'm not really sure. I wasn't really paying attention to her. My mind was elsewhere at the moment. She kissed me. We made out last night. It wasn't very long, but we did. We kissed so many times, and every time, I felt her smile into the gestures. My mind was almost in panic mode at this point. I was confused. Then I felt her teeth graze along my neck. She was trying to get my attention.

"Nng, go back to sleep and stop doing that to my neck." I complained softly, nudging her head with my own.

"Then answer my question; do you want to stay over again tonight since Spencer isn't here? I don't like staying alone and you're a good cuddle buddy." She sounded like if I said no, she would bop me on the head until I said yes to staying. So I nodded.

"But I'm bringing my own clothes over. I'm not letting you dress me in your pleasure clothes again." I teased her. That got her attention. She looked up at me, rubbing her tired eyes, with a small smirk pulled across her face.

"I told you, your butt looks cute in those shorts."

"Because they're a size too small. You have smaller hips than I do, Shay."

"Oh, right. I forgot. You have a huge ass," She mumbled to me.

"I do not." I protested, but she had pressed her lips against mine. "Mmn, stop doing that." I heard a throaty giggle leave her lips and she nodded, taking her lips off mine and curling back against me. "Go back to sleep. We'll get up at your alarm."

When the alarm sounded again, I felt her move out of my arms and she pulled me to my feet, throwing clothes at me and pulling the shirt over my head, tugging at the shorts around my bottom half, urging them off. I tiredly changed and she did the same. We took the elevator downstairs and I slumped onto the couch, trying not to sleep again, while she made something for breakfast.

She made something of an egg sandwich for herself and cooked half the pack of bacon for me, wrapping it up in a neat little container so I could eat it on the way to school. She knows me so well. We walked to the bus station and took a bus to school, since she normally had Spencer drive her and it was closer to walk to the bus station than to the school bus stop. Plus, we didn't like dealing with the middle school kids that rode the bus as well. And the Benson's had already left the building, so there was no point in catching a ride with Fredward's mother when she returned to the building.

"How's the bacon?" She asked me, opening her locker. I had a piece hanging out of my mouth when I turned to her, giving a crooked smile.

"Burnt, but still tasty. Thanks." I replied. I was incredibly grateful for Carly. If it wasn't for her, I don't think I would have lived this long, honestly. Having an alcoholic mother and no father figure was tough on me. She didn't have a steady boyfriend right now, so it was more like... random guys coming around every so often. I think Mom is becoming a whore. And not even a high class one; she takes any scum off the street who will pay enough to cover the rent and her alcohol binges. There was never any food in the house either. I hate it. I hate being there when she has company over, too.

"Ee. I'm sorry I burnt it. I'm not that great at making bacon."

"I appreciate the effort." I admitted to her, trying to keep my voice down. It wasn't like me to openly admit kindness like that, let alone in public, at school, ugh. That's when I heard Freddie enter:

"Sam appreciates something? Is the world going to come to a screeching halt now?" I simply rolled my eyes at him and Carly laughed.

"It's bacon, of course she appreciates it." But I punched him anyway, despite the look Carly gave me from behind him. Then he turned to look at her, giving on of his stupid I'm-completely-obsessed-with-you looks and I shrugged, mouthing a "he deserved it" because he did. He was such a creep sometimes. I mean, since we started iCarly, he's kind of grown on me, but.... I was shuddering at the thought now. I was starting to realize why I had always been so terrible to him. He had a thing for Carly, a _strong_ thing, too. And I guess I just didn't want him near her. I wanted her all to myself. Ha. And now, I do have her all to myself.

"You prove a good point. Sam does like her bacon..." He nodded.

"Well said, dork wad." I announced, slamming my locker once I had finished the bacon and grabbed a book or two to shove into my bag. The good thing about coordinating my schedule with Carly was that I'd get to see her during the day. The only period I didn't see her was when I had Algebra I and she had Honors Algebra II. I even had my science changed. I don't know how they let me into Honors Chemistry, but with Carly's help, we were both getting through it. She was better at science than I ever would be, and it helped that we were also lab partners. Screw alphabetical order: I was not working with Lewis Pine for a whole school year.

I was somewhat shocked how Freddie couldn't pick up on the fact that Carly and I kind of had something going on between us. Then again, he was a dork wad, so he didn't pick up on things like that. Still, he was forever pining for my Carly. I found it mildly amusing, however jealous I would get and express it in ill remarks towards him. I had fun doing it, though. I don't see how it was so harmless, except that his feelings were hurt. Boo for him, then. Not for me. Hell, sometimes Carly got a good chuckle out of it.

"Let's get to English." The one class the three of us had together. Freddie led the way and I pulled Carly back a little, so she was walking beside me. I tried to let my hand slip into hers, and that's when I was a little thrown off guard. She ignored the gesture, blew me off in that sense. I rolled my eyes to her and threaded my fingers through messy blond curls. I'm surprised they weren't very knotty, since I didn't quite get the chance to brush my hair this morning. I didn't really have the balls to ask Carly to borrow her brush, so I kind of left them go on their own. I'd end up pulling them up later for Gym or something. Before lunch, my hair would end up in one of those messy buns or a pony tail, something away from my face and pulled together neatly.

When we got to the English room and slumped into our usual seats, I let my head fall onto my books. I felt a hand jiggle my shoulder: it was Carly's hand. I looked up, seeing a light smile pulled across her face.

"Wake up, sleepy head." She whispered over to me, trying to get me to listen to the morning announcements. But I didn't care.

"You're quite bipolar today." I confessed to her, almost in a teasing manner, but hell, I was completely serious. She was totally confusing me with her emotions. Ugh. That was one thing I did miss about liking guys: at least they wouldn't fuck with your head like girls do, or they just bottle everything up, kind of like I do. I bottle my emotions up. I haven't yet come to a breaking point. I'm glad about that, but it's bound to happen sooner or later, right? Sure. I guess. I'm not really looking forward to it. I hope I'm drunk when it happens, that way I don't remember most of whatever happens.

She gave me a look to what I had said to her and she moved back to her desk, contemplating my words. Ha. That was a first. I had Carly Shay contemplating what I said to her. I don't think she's ever had that happen to her before. Well, good for me. Score one for Sam.

I wasn't sure what it was that prosed her to do so, but Carly was asking me for a pen or pencil to write something down. I blinked sleepily to her and handed over a ball point pen that I found in my backpack. Huh. I wonder if I had another one, too. She wrote something down on a piece of paper, folded it up, and set it on my desk, the pen resting neatly on top of it. My brow raised. Oh, a note for me? That works. I still wonder what prompted her to do something like that, making me read and comprehend and respond this early in the morning.

Reluctantly, I moved the pen and opened the folded piece of paper. Sure enough, I was right: it was a note for me. I read it slowly, my eyes still adjusting to the idea of being awake and at school and not having to go home after school and deal with my drunken mother. Or maybe today, she was sober and just getting paid to be a hole in the mattress. I didn't know. I didn't even want to know today. Not at all.

The corners of my lips curved in a small smile and I looked over at Carly. She was just concerned about me, worried that something was wrong. I shook my head at her, trying to keep my smile on so she could see nothing was wrong. Everything was just peachy, fine and dandy. I just don't like school. So I took my pen and scribbled those words down: "I'm fine, I just hate school" and I handed the paper back to her, pen and all. She looked over my message and nodded slightly, putting up a false smile. I knew she wasn't happy that I wasn't telling her the whole truth, but I couldn't do that in school, especially not in English like this. Maybe tonight, if I could find my courage, I would tell her what was up. But not right now. I wasn't up for it.

At least Carls and I were on good terms for most of the day. It wasn't until lunch, my favorite class of the day, that I was starting to feel betrayed. I couldn't get her attention when I asked if she wanted my pudding cup, before Freddie sat down with us. Again, I took the last one and she didn't get a pudding. I thought I would be nice, you know. But she wasn't listening to me, not one word I was saying was passing into her mind and being comprehended.

"Carly, I've decided I'm going to kill myself instead of sleeping over your house tonight." I told her. No response. She really was in her own little world right now. Sighing, I rolled my eyes to her. "Oh, and I'm in love with Freddie."

"Ew, please tell me you're lying." He groaned in agony as he sat down on Carly's other side, obstructing the view of whatever she was looking at so intently. She moved him out of the way and that's when I saw her face. Her tongue was practically hanging out of her mouth; she was staring at some guy, and a gorgeous one at that. He must be new here or something. I threaded my fingers through my hair and set the chocolate pudding cup on Carly's tray.

"Yes, I'm lying. If I loved you, then I think I would kill myself." I explained to him and he simply nodded. I guess the feeling was mutual. But I didn't quite care what Freddie thought about me. As long as he didn't try to kill me, then I was fine Right now, I was concerned with the kid who had Carly's attention. "Earth to Carly," I poked her side gently, and her head whipped around, a goofy smile plastered on her face. I recognized that face from last night; she made that smile just before we fell asleep with our arms wrapped around each other. It was a very relaxing way to fall asleep and an even better way to wake up. But why was she making that face to someone else? Jealousy was starting to kick in; I don't like this feeling at all.

"What were you talking about?" Carly asked, blinking and plastering a weak smile onto her face. But I knew that her eyes lit up when she saw the pudding cup I had set on her tray. She mouthed a 'thank you' in my direction; I simply nodded to her.

"Me being in love with Freddie. I just admitted my undying affections to him and you're oogling some guy..." I confessed to her, shrugging, and taking a bite of my cheeseburger. I watched her smile turn into a frown and she rolled her eyes to me, turning her attention to Freddie.

"Really, what's up?" She asked, kind of dismissing me. But I noticed that her free hand had moved under the table. She let her fingertips move along my leg and I was just... ugh, thrown off. Reluctantly, I moved her hand away from my leg, but she wasn't going to take no for an answer that easily. She moved her hand underneath of mine and tried to lace our fingers. I couldn't help but hold her hand. It was so relaxing. I was finding it so hard to want to let go of her hand, so I didn't. I would just have to wait until I needed my hand again. Luckily, the school burgers were small enough for me to hold with one hand.

"I was wondering why you weren't answering me," I mumbled to her softly, and Freddie just shrugged, diving into the packed lunch he had with him. It's almost as if it wasn't worth being here if you didn't buy the crappy school lunches. But his mommy was so over protective of him that she deprived him of that chance. Sometimes I actually felt bad for him.

"Haven't you seen the new kid?" Carly asked me, squeezing my hand and nudging my side gently. I shook my head to her. I tried to take my hand out of hers again but she wouldn't let me. Damnit, Carls: the one time you're stubborn about something, I actually want to let go.

"No, I haven't. I'm content with who's in my head now, thanks." I replied with a mouthful of burger. Of course, I'm sure Carly didn't think I had her on my mind. I did. I always did. Sure, she was my best friend, but I was always worrying about her and her well being and whether she was safe or not. It was a little sad how much I cared, I think.

"Oh. Well, Ryan Teeter, the new kid... he's a sophomore too." I listened to her drone on about this guy, about how he was a swimmer and a baseball player, and how she had Honors Algebra II with him. So obviously, I'd have to worry more during my math class. Great, thank you, Carly for giving me that new way to act. I don't like having to worry about her. Okay, well, I don't have to worry, but I can't help it. I don't like that I can't help it either. It sucks, a lot. I tried my best to tune her out, though. It was hard, especially when she kept interjecting enthusiasm to her words to try and make me listen. But I had to stop her. She was almost driving me crazy.

"I don't really _care_ about Ryan Tit-monkey," I muttered through a mouthful of burger.

"Teeter, Ryan Teeter..." She corrected me and I managed to pull my hand from hers. Thankfully I was able to get away with two burgers and a thing of fries. But I just didn't feel up to eating. I finished the burger I was holding and made sure the other was wrapped well in its plastic baggy home. Obviously, my letting go of her hand and not eating my second burger alarmed Carly. I'm sure it would alarm me if I were Carly, too. "You're not eating your second burger? I thought you were starving..."

"Yeah, what's up with you, Sam? You've only insulted me twice today..." Freddie quipped. He wore a cocky smile. "Maybe you _are_ in love with me,"

"Don't get your hopes up, Fredward." I snapped back at him, gulping down about half of my chocolate milk. I "accidentally" knocked his open water bottle into his lap, earning a groan from him, and a chuckle passed my lips.

"Sam!" He cried in anger, his face turning red with fury. He stood up immediately and started to shake off the new wetness to his groin.

I felt the back of Carly's hand swat at my shoulder in subtle disgust. She started to scold me for spilling Freddie's water on him and I mumbled something along the lines of an apology in his direction, but it was soft and almost unheard. My lips had barely even moved when I spoke the words. That's when I felt a poke at my side.

"Apologize, Sam," She whispered to me. I groaned back at her and shook my head firmly. There were times that I could listen to what Carly said, soak it up, and do whatever she asked of me. But today, I was not in one of those moods. I was being stubborn with her, especially after having to listen to her drone on about some guy... especially after last night.

"Why should I? He deserved it, especially after having the gall to... never mind. Sorry, Fredward." I didn't really want to get into a conversation with her over lunch, even if the dork had stormed off and left the remnants of his brown bagged lunch. I felt bad that I did that to him, and I didn't really want to apologize about it. So I collected his garbage and set it on my tray, carrying it to the collection of garbage cans and dumping my tray off at the appropriate area of the cafeteria. Then I slipped out of the noisy cafeteria. I leaned against the wall near the doors and closed my eyes, threading my fingers through my hair as I inhaled sharply. I had to do something about these feelings I was experiencing. I had to tell Carly, or something. I couldn't keep being jealous. I couldn't do it. There had to be a solution. Opening my eyes, I bit my lip. The bell rang and the halls started to flood again. I made a beeline for my locker and gathered my books for science, shoving them into my bag, as well as another notebook or two. I hurried to class where I let myself start to worry about Carly. She wasn't here when the bell rang; she was late. It didn't matter because we had a substitute. But she was late. I was on time. Normally, I was late and she was early, or something where she was here before the bell and I was not. What the hell.

I had opened my science notebook and started doodling when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Carly. The corners of her lips were upturned into one of her goofy smiles again. I just rolled my eyes to her.

"You're late." I muttered, continuing to doodle.

"And you were here before me, on time. Wow," Carly replied quietly. "Are you sure you're feeling okay, Sam?" She asked, holding the back of her hand to my forehead. I pushed her hand away.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I replied gently. "Are we doing anything, since we have a sub?" I didn't feel up to lifting my head and gazing across the room at the whiteboard.

"No, just study hall." She offered back. I felt my head nod weakly while I was caught in my doodling phase. I didn't even realize what it was that I was drawing. I was drawing a heart and started to even write a name in it when she hit my arm lightly, to nab my attention. "Why are you so... down?" Her voice was perking on the edge of curiosity, so I turned my head to her, seeing the heart out of the corner of my eye.

"Do you seriously want me to answer that question with other people around?" I practically snapped her head off with my vicious tone. "Do you want your secret rendevous to become public knowledge, or am I just an experiment to you and your misery?" Wow, I have never been this terrible to her. I don't even know where that jumble of emotional words came from. But I could see it on her face; her brown eyes started to gloss over, fill with tears waiting to cascade down her pale cheeks and I lifted my head. My voice caught in my throat when I tried to talk. She came to me in a time of weakness, when she needed a friend, when she needed me the most, and here I was, taking advantage of her vulnerabilities for my own lack of confidence in admitting how I truly felt about her. Damn, I'm a horrible friend to Carly. Why the hell does she even keep me around?

"Sam, I didn't even..." She bowed her head slightly, rubbing the back of her neck to try and hide her furiously blushing cheeks. She's so cute when she blushes. No. Stop it, Sam. You're supposed to be angry with Carly right now, not telling yourself how beautiful she is whenever she does anything that shouldn't ignite any kind of happiness in you. Oh yeah, jumble of words again. Woo. "It's not like that," We were interrupted when one of our classmates set a piece of paper and a pencil on the table next to me. He gave Carly the flirtatious head nod and I glared daggers at him. He moved away swiftly. "That wasn't nice." She whispered to me as I scribbled down our names and passed the paper and pencil behind us.

"Now is not the time and this is sure as hell not the... what are you doing?" She had grabbed my hand and was pulling me off of my lab stool, towards the front of the room. Her fingers were curled around my wrist loosely. I didn't know what tricks she had up her sleeve. That's when she confronted our substitute teacher, whose name I didn't even catch. Obviously she did, as she addressed him directly:

"She's sick. I'm her best friend. May I escort her to the bathroom before she hurls on me and you both?" Carly spoke with such grace, such eloquence... I kind of wanted to get sick just to make her lie be the truth and then she wouldn't feel sick to her stomach for lying. The teacher nodded slow and wrote us out a pass. She snatched it from his hand and pushed us out the door. Down the hall, she pulled me into the janitor's closet, locked the door, and pulled the light on.

I couldn't really find my voice to say anything to her. I was too overcome with emotion, a flood of them, to focus on one single thought. Carly Shay had just lied to a teacher to get out of class. She pulled me by the wrist in front of everyone. She was angry. She was fuming. Gosh, she's so gorgeous in this light.

"So, tell me then. What's your deal?" She asked, her voice sounding persistent. I folded my arms over my chest and smirked to her.

"Nah, I'm good. I think I like this." I confessed. "You lied to get out of class to talk to me about ... whatever this is we have. And you're not sick to your stomach,"

"I am. I'm just good at concealing it."

"Bullshit." She rolled her eyes to my cursing and I smirked back at her. "Admit it, you were okay with lying to that substitute because you're just as bent out of shape about this as I am."

"Not to the same degree, but yes, I want to know what's messing you all up and making you... not Sam-like." She told me, nodding slow and trying to unfold my arms. I let her. I always let her have her way, well.. almost always.

"I'm still Sam. Just a different side of Sam." I reassured. "I really want some bacon." I mumbled into the somewhat awkward ring of silence that we fell into together. But then I felt her fingers fall into the spaces between mine again. My chest tightened.

She squeezed my hand when the heel of her palm touched mine and I felt the corners of my lips curve into a subtle smile. But I still had so many thoughts swimming around in my mind, words that I needed to say to her. Now or never, I guess. I inhaled sharply and closed my eyes, leaning my head back against the door.

"I don't like hearing you rant about cute guys." I whispered. I was being serious and I was using my serious voice, so she was completely attentive. I saw her nod some when I opened my eyes, so I kept on talking. "And I like holding you hand like this," I lifted up our hands and she giggled, kissing my knuckles weakly. The way her lips made my skin tingle was mind-boggling. I swallowed hard to regain composure to speak again. But I lost it. I couldn't admit anymore than that, not while she was pulling my other arm around her waist. Yeah, I was shorter than her, but she slumped down a little and rested her head on my shoulder. I stood tall against the door, a triumphant smile pulled across my face. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against hers weakly. Just as she turned her head to flash me one of those magnificent smiles of hers, and our lips started inching closer and closer, the door knob jiggled against my hip.

"Janitor," She whispered to me, her lips moving against mine, her voice slightly raspy. She pulled me away from the door, keeping me close. Surprisingly, these closets were roomy. We turned the light off and crept backwards, until I had her pinned shyly into the corner, and she turned us around, only because she was wearing darker colors than I was.

The door opened, the janitor whistling to himself, and he grabbed the mop and bucket, then closed the door. That left us in the corner, well... my back against the corner, in the dark. Great. My greatest dream and my worst nightmare all rolled into one moment. I was in control and yet, I wasn't at all.

"I think you had intentions before we were interrupted?" She shook her head to my quiet questioning and moved away from me. She pressed her ear to the door, breathing heavily in the silence as she listened. Then she opened the door and pulled me into the hallway. I folded my arms over my chest and we walked back to class. The teacher asked if I felt any better and I nodded slowly. But I didn't. I felt worse than before. I actually felt sick to my stomach. Karma.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you so much for all the positive feedback! I'll try my very best to keep rolling out the chapters and pull together some of the one shot ideas I have for publishing.

Inspirations: Live Like We're Dying - Kris Allen; Bulletproof - La Roux; She's A Lady - Forever the Sickest Kids; Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something; Jersey - Mayday Parade; Heartbeat - Stereo Skyline.

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Chapter Four: iWant to Go to Spain

The day went by so much faster than I thought it would after our encounter in the closet. I was almost reluctant to wait for Carly at her locker like I normally do, especially because Freddie was lingering around, too. I still felt sick to my stomach after what went down earlier in the afternoon, but the pain wasn't nearly as bad as it was initially. I was trying to ignore it at this point in time, too, because I didn't want to fuck anything else up today.

I guess I had kind of zoned out because I was lulled from my reverie to Carly's calming voice and her hand slowly waving in front of my face. "Earth to Sam," She had a sing-song to her voice and the corners of my lips upturned into a small smile.

"I am so off today." I confessed almost sadly. She nodded, pushing stray blond curls from my face. Her fingertips grazed along my skin and the surface she previously touched tingled. I watched a smile pull innocently across her face, too.

"I noticed," She replied, opening her locker and dumping some books inside. The hallways had already started to clear, too.

"What took you so long getting here?" I inquired, my back leaning against the lockers as I pulled my eyes away from watching her. I couldn't now, not when Freddie was standing around and fixing his PearPod or something tech-like. But he could see us; he could hear us. I had to watch myself.

"I had to ask Senora about that trip to Spain over the summer. I really want to go." She told me. Great. There you go, Carly Shay, breaking my heart slowly and painfully. "Spencer already gave me the a-okay, but they still need one more spot to fill before the minimum requirement is –"

"What grade do I need to have in class to go?" I asked, cutting her off. I gave an apologetic look and she turned her head to look at me, skeptically.

"Eighty five or higher. What do you even have in Spanish?" She asked me. We both opted for taking Spanish as our language in school. I didn't want to, but Carly had urged me to take it all four years of high school. Of course, I conformed. We were both taking Honors Spanish III, just different periods during the day. She had just come from Spanish, where I had it before her. It was a new situation. I still wasn't used to being in the damn honors class.

"When do I need to get my grade up high enough?" I asked. I shook my head. She would get upset with me if she knew that I was failing Spanish. It's so hard to focus! It's like she's speaking another language! Wait... fuck, it's Spanish, that's why.

"Next week. What do you have in Spanish, Sam?" She sounded persistent. Secretly, I loved when she used such force in her voice; when Carly got angry, it was the most adorable thing ever, seriously. Like, no lie. It was fucking cute.

"Sixty three," Also known as, failing. I saw her eyes grow wide. She swatted at my left shoulder and my nose crinkled slightly. "It's because I bombed that last test! I couldn't remember how to conjugate the verbs in whatever tense we learned..."

"The past tense," She offered up and I nodded. "Well, then I'll tutor you. I'll help you study for the test on Thursday," She took a step closer to me, letting her fingertips brush along my face. I had barely noticed that my breath caught in my throat when she touched my face. I always tried not to let that happen when we were alone but lately? Ugh, I was so caught off guard after she had kissed me last night. It just put the icing on the damn cake, truly.

"I'd like that." My voice sounded so weak. My knees felt terribly wobbly beneath my weight, too, and that never happened to me before. I was not used to this overwhelming nervous feeling that she was enticing in my gut. I felt like I was going to be sick again.

"So open your locker and bring your Spanish book and notebook back to my apartment. You're spending the night." She didn't even give me room to discuss the matter. What if I didn't want to spend the night with her again? Hell, I did. Of course I did. Why would I want to go home to Mommy Drinks A Lot when I could stay with my best friend and learn _Espa__ྃ__ol_ and sleep in her bed and maybe make out with her again. Yeah. I was really only thinking about that last bit... kissing Carly again. My head was spinning again.

I opened my locker up and pulled out my Spanish notebook. It was rather neat. That's because I only used it like... twice? I did my homework. I did all the worksheets we would get in class. I would just copy off of Carissa Stock, who sat next to me. She was one of those people who picked up on foreign languages very easily. I didn't have the heart to cheat off of her on tests and quizzes. That's why I was failing the class.

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a light smile dancing on Carly's lips. I think she waved to Freddie and he left, because her smile seemed to grow. Once I closed my locker, she reached for my free hand and pulled me outside. It was a nice day out: it wasn't freezing, it wasn't boiling, and it wasn't rainy. Well, it wasn't exactly sunny either, but it wasn't dismal like Seattle usually was. We were still holding hands. I didn't quite have the thought to let go of her hand either. I didn't want to. I never wanted to let go.

"We already missed the bus to your bus stop, so how are we..."

"We're walking, Sam. It's not that far away,"

"It's like a mile!" I whined back at her, frowning. She squeezed my hand.

"Suck it up." She retorted cheekily.

"Do you have any ham?" I was standing in front of the fridge, pulling the door open. She was at the stove top, making something that smelled like flavored rice or noodles, you know, one of those things from the package that was really easy to make and you had to stir it a ton. I hate using the stove. It's so tedious to me. Why can't I just make a fucking sandwich or something? It's just simple.

"Check the lunch meat drawer. There might be deli cuts in there." She replied. Shortly after we got back to her apartment from school, Spencer had called. He was going to Austria to fetch their father's body in the hearse and bring it home for the funeral. That would be held sometime within the next week. Honestly, no one was looking forward to it. As Carly's best friend, it was my job to keep her focused on anything but her father's death. I know my dad was never around and I got used to that, but Carly had some kind of parental figure in her life. She lost her mom. She lost her dad. I had lost my mom long ago; I was used to it. Spencer was the closest thing to a parent I had, and he was more like a big brother; he always had been.

I frowned and opened the drawer she suggested. Nothing. Damn. We were all alone in the apartment, though. That was a good thing. The sun had just recently set when we decided to make something for dinner. I moved to stand next to her, folding my arms over my chest and leaning against the counter casually.

"So, no meat for us to make. I say... fuck the rice,"

"I'm making noodles." She playfully grumbled, lifting her gaze to meet mine and giving me a soft glare. She didn't like when I cursed. I would try my best to stop cursing if she asked. It was hard for me to go against her wishes at times, especially when she flashed that stellar smile.

"Well, whatever. Let's order a pizza or something. Or Chinese," Just as the words left my mouth, she turned off the burner on the stove and turned her attention to me, still stirring the noodles that she was cooking. She wore some kind of devilish smile, something that I had only ever dreamed of seeing plastered across her face. "What's going on in your head?" I asked, obviously teasing her.

"I'm sure you know what's going on in my head, Sam." She replied, giggling softly. The giggle she emitted did not match the smirk her smile had morphed into. I unfolded my arms from my chest and moved to stand closer beside her. My chin rested on her shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned my face a little into the crook of her neck. When my nose brushed against her jaw, I felt her shift on her feet. She was getting nervous, too. So it wasn't just me. Good.

"Yeah, well.. I didn't think you thought like that." Her voice was soft and sweet and so incredibly angelic, I almost had to pinch myself. Seriously. I must be in the hospital, tripping on acid and ten thousand other illegal street drugs, getting my stomach pumped. This is not reality. This is some dream that I've concocted in my mind and projected to myself, making it _look_ like my reality. Huh. I didn't know I was so capable.

But no. This is reality. How did I know? Just as she turned her head and our lips came dangerously close, the apartment door flung open. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a few steps away from her, turning my head and opening my eyes. Freddie was panting heavily, almost doubled over, his palms resting on his knees. But I didn't care. Damn you, Fredward. I was about to get another kiss. Ugh.

"If my mom... comes knocking on... the door, I'm not... not here." He heaved, lifting his head. I could see the beads of sweat that had formed on his brow. Since the door had shut behind him, as soon as he heard rapping at the door, he slipped down the hallway, cowering in the bathroom. I just rolled my eyes. I think Carly did the same.

"Tell me again why we put up with him?" She asked, turning her head to look at me. She didn't seem too pleased with the fact that he kind of... bursted through the door. I mean, sure, Carly and Freddie were friends, to some degree. Hell, even I was friends with him to some degree. But man... he has really, really bad timing. As far as I'm concerned, we were about to kiss, about to pick up from where we had left off when she first kissed me. But I don't know. She just seemed bummed that Freddie was here now.

"Because if we didn't have him, then we wouldn't have iCarly and we would have to handle all the tech crap ourselves," I reminded her and she nodded, leaning towards me and pressing her lips chastely to my cheek. I felt my face grow hot and she smirked again.

Again, the door flung open. This time, it was Freddie's semi-neurotic mother. She was about to speak and I just pointed in the direction of the bathroom. She nodded. She did not like me and I did not like her, simple as that.

"Mom! Come on, I don't want to..."

"It's Wednesday and that means Mother-Son Knitting Club." Mrs. Benson yanked Freddie into the hallway and shoved a bag of yarns and knitting needles into his arms. He sighed and hung his head. Sometimes, I felt bad for the boy. Knitting is fucking boring as shit.

"Poor Freddie," Carly offered, shrugging and closed the door behind him. I watched her lock the door, too. That's when I started to head for the couch. I sat down in a rather lazy position: my feet were propped up on the coffee table and my hands were braced at the nape of my neck. The couch shifted as she sunk down beside me and sat in a similar fashion. Her legs were longer than mine, so she was able to reach the table more easily with her heels.

"I guess I kind of feel for him." I admitted to her. I heard her voice a throaty gasp. "What? I'm not allowed to care for his well-being on occasions?"

"You're allowed. It's just.. different," Was that jealousy I detected in Carly's voice? Perhaps. Maybe I was just getting my hopes up. That's when I felt courage wash over me.

"What made you kiss me last night?" My voice sounded so weak, so much weaker than I wanted it to sound. She looked at my nervously and shifted her position, reaching for the remote and sitting casually, crossing her legs at the knee, left over right.

I felt her move closer to me and she folded her arms over her chest, resting her head on my shoulder. Hesitantly, I took my arms from their place and wrapped one around her shoulders in a rather protective manner.

"You don't have to tell me now. I was just... curious." I whispered, playing with her hair rather innocently. "I know you're struggling because of what happened. I just want to be here for you, Carly, however you need me to be here."

I could hear her breathing steady and stagger. She was nervous. I could see it in her face. Sometimes she was so impossible to read, but other times? She was like an open book. I've been told I'm hard to read, but Carly can see right through the majority of my lies. Sometimes she knew my thoughts even before I got to considering them; it was scary how well we knew each other.

"I needed ... something tangible, I don't know." She explained, her words feeling rushed. I knew she didn't actually have a reason. She threaded her fingers through her hair slowly as she lifted her head from my shoulder. She started to get up and pace slowly around the room, her head hanging, her eyes focused on her shuffling feet.

I don't like seeing her like this. I stood up and I came around the other side of the couch, my hands holding her shoulders lightly. I could practically feel the confusion emanating from her face and it was torturing me.

"Carls," When I spoke her name, she made eye contact with me. I smiled weakly to her, trying to ensure her that the situation was all right. We would still be friends. "It's okay that you kissed me, I don't mind. I just didn't even know you..."

"I'm not. I don't." She replied.

"Then why..." I felt lost now.

"I told you. I don't know, Sam." She explained, unfolding her arms from her chest. She took my hands and wrapped them around her waist. She moved closer to me, hugging me close, resting her chin on my shoulder. I squeezed my eyes shut. "I just need comfort right now. The last thing that Spence and I thought could happen would be Dad dying," She continued speaking, spilling everything to me. It felt like ages that we stood there, holding one another, me listening, and her speaking. Occasionally, she turned her face into the side of my neck and spoke. She didn't know what kind of effect she had on me. My breath caught when she did that. My knees were wobbling already.

There came a time when she stopped talking. All I could hear was her steady, even breaths, the same breaths I could feel against the skin of my neck. She was driving me crazy. After all this time, all the growing up we had done since we first met, I was still just an inch or two shorter than her. She had me wrapped around her little finger.

"Are you staying here tonight?" She asked against my neck, her lips moving delicately along my skin. The way they did so made my heart beat faster.

"Uh, yeah." I replied quietly and she disengaged herself from me. I felt a tug at my left hand and the corners of my lips flipped into a small smile. She was leading me somewhere. "Where are we going?"

"Upstairs. I wanted to show you something." She offered, leading me up the stairs. For some reason, she didn't feel like going in the elevator. That's cool. Sometimes that thing was really slow. We moved into her bedroom and she gestured for me to sit on her bed. I crossed my legs and she dug out a journal-like notebook. Or maybe it was a diary. But it was rather large. She sat down beside me and opened it up. A scrapbook.

"I didn't know you kept one of these..."

"It's really just pictures, from when I was little until the most recent ones." She explained. When she opened it to the first few pages, I saw pictures of a young Carly with both of her parents. About fifteen pages in, there was a picture with Carly and her mom, both happy and smiling. I remember her mom. Carly looked a lot like her mother. Next to the picture, one of the prayer cards from the funeral was placed in the scrapbook. I remember going to that funeral, too. Spencer had made a point not to cry, but Carly was. And I was right there next to her, hugging her and consoling her, even though we were only ten. I knew it was the right thing to do. She was my best friend and she always will be, no matter what happens between us.

She kept flipping through the book. We laughed and smiled over all the memories that Carly had packed into this scrapbook. That's when I realized something. We had so many memories together. There were barely any pictures of her and her father. I felt bad for putting myself, my own feelings, before hers.

"I miss him, too, Carls." I told her. I had only met her dad a few times, though. When her mom was still around, he was shipped out, always. But when her mom passed, he was on leave, luckily. He requested not to be shipped out as soon as he was because he wanted to be with Spencer and Carly. But when he had to ship out again, he left Spencer in charge of Carly. It had been that way for awhile, too. Every once in awhile, their dad would come home for a day or so, be on leave and catch a plane back to Seattle before he had to ship out again. But that wasn't nearly often enough.

I felt her head rest on my shoulder again. I wrapped an arm around her waist protectively. Her breath caught and tears welled in her eyes. I could feel them against my shoulder; there were so many that they made my shirt wet. I moved my hand to rub the small of her back gently. She had to cry. She had to get out the sorrow that she needed. Every once in awhile, it was good to cry. Even I cried sometimes. Not in front of anyone but Carly, but yeah, I did cry. I'm sure that even if I was shot in the stomach, I wouldn't cry unless it was just me and Carly. I could not bring myself to cry around anyone but her. I just wasn't a very trusting person when it came to other people.

Almost an hour passed and her tears had subsided. She kept her head on my shoulder and closed the scrapbook, setting it beside her. She rubbed her eyes quietly and lifted her head, glancing to me. I looked back at her and she pressed a chaste kiss to my cheek. I felt my face grow hot. My chest tightened.

"Come on, let's go improve your Espaྃol," She offered brightly, getting up and pulling me to my feet. She dragged me downstairs and to the living room. I loved when she spoke Spanish. Oh. My. God. Hell, I loved when anyone spoke a foreign language. Spanish and French. Mm, they were definitely my weaknesses.

"So I can bring up my grade and go to Spain with you?" She nodded to me and continued tugging me down the stairs. Ugh. That meant I'd have to get more hours at work. As of now, my babysitting days were on hold. I figured, on top of that, I could apply to a fast food place or something in the mall. Maybe the book store? I don't know. It would be a lot easier to save up some money, especially if Mom didn't have the cash to front me for the trip. I had some money saved still from babysitting - it was sitting in my savings account, collecting less than one percent, due to our epically failing economic state.

"Something like that..." She offered; I could hear the smirk in her voice. I threaded my fingers through my hair as we sat down on the couch. She obviously had brought her Spanish text book home with her. I only brought my notebook. She helped me learn some of the stuff that would be on the test at the end of the week, and corrected my pronunciation several times over. And she teased me because I couldn't roll my r's like she could!

"_Rrrojo_," Her voice sounded so delicate. "Come on. You can't roll your tongue, Sam?"

"Rojo." My voice sounded like shit compared to hers. "I can't roll my tongue." I frowned to her and she lightly hit my arm, chuckling.

"Look, I'll show you how. You go like _this_," She kept her mouth open, showing me how her tongue would vibrate against the roof of her moth. "Now you try,"

I made an attempt and kind of failed at it. But then I realized how... close we were. She was inhaling my exhales; I was inhaling her exhales. Our foreheads leaned together and I felt my smile grow wide. I could see hers grow in size, too. Well, there was one thing I learned from Spanish class...

"_Puedo dar un beso, por favor?_" I whispered softly. She chuckled gladly and nodded slowly against me, catching my lips. I couldn't remember when my lips tingled so much from one little kiss. We didn't get too involved with this kiss, and that was my fault. I pulled back. I stopped it. I kept my forehead on hers and pulled away gently. Taking a deep breath, I tried to get the smile off my face, but it just wouldn't go away. "Since that's the... only thing I can say in Spanish besides hola, we should probably get to work..."

* * *

So, the next few chapters or so, their relationship is going to flourish a bit more. Carly is still grieving for her father, and Sam actually needs to take the brain to understand and deal with that.

I'll get the next chapters together ASAP.


	5. Chapter 5

I am honestly loving all of the feedback that I'm getting from this story! Keep the reviews coming to keep the story moving along. I have a lot of ideas in store for Sam and Carly, but I'm not going to give them away!

Inspirations: I'll Be Here - Just Surrender; Motion Sickness - Call the Cops; Say My Name - Sick Puppies.

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Chapter Five: iNeed A Distraction

The next week or so, Carly had helped me out a lot with Spanish. I even got a good grade on that test. I didn't get a higher grade than Carly, who got a 98 on the test, but I got the best grade in our individual class. I got a 95. The only thing I got wrong, ironically, was the conjugation of besar, to kiss. My mind was on overload when we got the tests back the following Tuesday. I had spent the weekend partially with Carly and Freddie, and partially at home, with my mom. Yeah, I actually spent time with my mother, willingly. Well actually.. Carly had forced me to spend some time with her after my mother called my cell phone, confessing how much she missed me. In reality? She just wanted money for alcohol. I left that part out for Carls. I didn't want her burden her anymore.

Her dad's funeral wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. It was simple, really. Some of his service buddies attended. Freddie and his mom were there. I was there. Spencer and Carly, of course, were there. Spencer looked more down than ever. Carly looked as if she was on the brink of tears several times, but I couldn't let her breakdown completely. That's what best friends are for. Sometimes it seems like I'm more than that, but I let those thoughts slip away from me today. I needed to be a friend today, not a friend with a crush and a hidden agenda.

Spencer's eulogy got to her, though. I was sitting next to her, my hands resting shyly on my thighs. I didn't fold them over my chest. I had to admit, he was a pretty damn good writer, even when he was choking back his own tears. I felt her hand slip into mine, our fingers lacing, and she squeezed my hand tightly. It didn't even matter that Freddie was sitting on the other side of her, eagerly wanting to hold her hand, desperate to be her shoulder to cry on. But, no. I got that short end of the stick. I mean, yeah, I like being the one to make her smile, but I've never liked dealing with sad people. It sucks. A lot.

The moment she squeezed my hand, though, I noticed the corners of her lips turn into a small smile when I squeezed her hand back. She needed the comfort. And that's exactly what I was giving her, the comfort she needed. Or, I was trying to do that.

The funeral came to an end after about an hour or so. Apparently in her father's will, he had asked to be cremated, so a portion of his life insurance policy was going towards that. The rest, was being split in half: one half for Carly was being put into a high interest bank account that she couldn't touch until she was eighteen, and Spencer's half was being turned into a savings account, that he could use to pay bills and whatnot. They also got his military benefits, too. And Carly would end up getting scholarships out the ass when our senior year kicked in, being an orphan and whatnot. Well, I'm practically there. At least she has Spencer. I have her.

After the small luncheon gathering at a local delicatessen, which had spectacular ham and cheese sandwiches, Carly asked me to walk home with her. Spencer offered to drive us, but she insisted on walking with me. Hell, she even snapped at Freddie when he asked if he could tag along.

"Come on, can I come, too? I'll just... be there," He insisted, folding his arms over his chest. His mother was helping Spencer figure out the cost for the little lunch thing and told him she wanted to help split the cost.

"No," She snapped back at him, shaking her head to him. "I need to talk to Sam. Girl talk." At that suggestion, I watched Freddie's eye fall in enthusiasm. I gave him an unwavering smile and he snorted in my direction. That's when Carly saw my triumphant smile and she swatted at my shoulder. "Hey, be nice to him. Just because he's not coming on our walk doesn't mean you can be terrible to him..."

"But he..."

"No buts, Sam." She told me. "You know what we have to talk about anyway." At this point, Freddie had sulked away to his mother.

"Yeah, I know what we have to talk about." I had only been asking you to talk about it for the past day or two, subtly, of course. Though I dimmed down yesterday because I knew you were hurting from your dad's death. I knew, Carly Shay, I'm not completely selfish and dense. Okay, I'm selfish. But when it comes to you? I can tone it down and look at things from your shoes every once in awhile.

We left the delicatessen around one in the afternoon. My arms were folded over my chest. I was wearing a black button down blouse, ironed black pants, and a pair of black flats. Carly was wearing a black dress that went just past her knees. It was just a simple black dress, one of those ones that you wear a belt with or something around your waist. She had a silvery belt on, with a United States Army pin attached to the belt buckle itself. And she was wearing a pair of black flats as well, though hers were a little fancier than mine.

"So what exactly did you want to talk about on this... uh, walk?" My voice sounded so much more nervous than I wanted it to be. I had to gulp, fighting back the urge to duck into an alleyway and expel the contents of my stomach. I felt knots tug tightly in my gut when she sighed heavily, my blue eyes somewhat glossy as I looked over to her. She was looking at her feet as we walked down the sidewalk.

"I don't think we feel the same way about each other, Sam." Her words were felt more than heard, in my opinion. My arms folded just a little tighter over my chest. "I know that I love you with all of my heart. But I'm not sure that I am _in_ love with you," I didn't know what it felt like for a heart to break, but whatever I was feeling now? I'm sure that's what action the emotions were tied to. My stomach was in knots, severely tight ones. My chest had tightened a measurable amount. My hands were starting to shake. My knees were growing just a little weaker. I felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. But on the surface? I remained calm, my arms still folded over my chest.

"I never said I was in love with you, Carls. Don't flatter yourself." I think that was one of the first and only times I was mean to Carly and she took it. And of all days for me to be terrible to her, I chose today.

"Well, ouch. That hurt," She replied, rubbing her shoulder to make it seem as though I had hit her or something. I gave her a dry smirk and she raised her brow to me. "I'm not blind, Sam. I know you have feelings for me."

"Do not," I countered softly, but she had seen right through me. She could read me like a book. Sometimes I hate her so much. She curled her fingers over one of my shoulders and I visibly flinched at her touch. Do you really expect me to open up to you about my feelings after you tell me that you don't feel the same way about me? Really, Carly? Ugh.

We experienced one hell of an awkward silence for about two blocks. At this point, we were still a good mile or so from her apartment, which was our desired ending destination. That's when I cleared my throat and looked at her. She had folded her arms over her chest, too, almost mocking me as we walked. I didn't really mind, though. I was still a little angry with her, though.

"If you don't feel the same way about me, then why did you kiss me? You still haven't given me a straight answer about that." She chuckled at my statement and I rolled my eyes to her, unable to help the smile that pulled across my face. "Okay, maybe straight answer wasn't the way to go with this one."

"You got that right," She couldn't seem to escape her fit of giggles, until I poked her side and her face screwed up into a sheepish grin.

"Why did you kiss me, Carls?"

"I needed a distraction." Her voice sounded rather confident. She unfolded her arms and moved to stand in front of me. She was still taller than me. I had stopped growing, height wise, awhile ago, and I wasn't getting any taller, to my knowledge. She ran her fingertips along my folded arms, trying to get me unfold them. I couldn't even look her in the eye. "Sam, can you please look at me?"

"No." I muttered back at her. "If you needed a distraction, then why would you fuck with my head like that?" I was getting close to the edge of blowing up at her, but I didn't want to do that. "Why didn't you go kiss Freddie?"

"Because he's not my best friend, you are," She countered softly.

"And that gives you a reason to mess with my head?" I asked. My voice was angry. I saw her nod slightly but she also sighed a little heavily. I had to soften as the way she was acting, I couldn't help it. "Carly, I'm being serious."

"I know." I heard her voice reply.

"I'm scared." I admitted to her, finally meeting her gaze. "Of course I love you, Carls. It's hard not to. But I don't really want to..." I had to take a breath and shake my head at what I was about to say, until she cut me off.

"Don't want a relationship because you don't want to mess up what we have?" She asked in response.

"Something like that," I shrugged. "You're still grieving and I don't want to just add to the stresses you already have."

She had her fingers threading through my hair slowly as I spoke, and my breath caught in the back of my throat. She was really confusing me. "Are you this confusing all the time when it comes to your feelings, or is this just because it's me and you?"

"The latter, I'm thinking.." She confessed. I had folded my arms back over my chest. "Let's go back to the apartment."

She slipped back next to me, walking in step with me. I think my arms unfolded and she reached for one of my hands. By the time we had bypassed Lewbert and hiked up the staircases to reach her apartment door, she had her key in the door and her other hand in mine. The door was still locked so Spencer and the Benson duo weren't back yet. She closed the door behind us and I reluctantly let go of her hand, sinking into the couch.

"Are you spending the night?" She asked, walking past me and into the couch, but I tugged at her hand, pulling her back towards me. She smiled wide when I tugged her down and she landed in my lap.

"If you want me to stay and promise not to kiss me again without leaving confusion behind." I answered. She smirked.

"Oh, you mean kiss you like this?" I had her in my lap. And she cupped my face, leaning close, and capturing my lips chastely. Even though the kiss was short, I felt my heart racing and my throat was on fire. I couldn't quite breathe, but I think I nodded to her.

"I'll stay," I reassured her. She got up and bounced into the kitchen, leaving me breathless on the couch. Threading my fingers through my curls, I closed my eyes quickly, opening them again. She had opened the fridge and grabbed us two cans of Peppy Cola.

"I hope you're okay with Peppy Cola. It's all we have for now. Spence hasn't been grocery shopping since we found out about Dad. We might have to go on an adventure later..."

My brow raised. "What kind of adventure?" I smirked to her and she swatted at my shoulder; I immediately frowned.

"Not like _that_, Sam. You know I'm still a virgin," That was one thought that had crossed my mind several times and I could never let it go. I knew Carly had been in several relationships before, but she never got past second base. I knew that. She was shy. She didn't trust easily either. But she trusted me. She had stripped down to next to nothing with me in the room. It had taken every fiber of my being to turn the other way and give her privacy, even when she asked me how this new set of bra and panties looked on her a couple months ago? Oh. My. God. It looked great and I almost started to salivate in front of her. But I couldn't do that. Nope.

"Yea, I know you are." I'm far from it. Rubbing the back of my neck, I sipped at my Peppy Cola shyly and she took it out of my hand just as I was going to set it down.

"I still need a distraction..." She offered quietly, setting her own drink down next to mine. She leaned in and caught me by surprise, our lips locking. She was almost in my lap at this point and my eyes had slipped shut. I had leaned back against the couch, enjoying this new side of my best friend. Carefully I threaded my fingers through her hair. But just as I was getting comfortable, she hopped off of me, just in time for the door to open. I breathed unevenly and opened my eyes. Spencer, Mrs. Benson, and Freddie all piled into the apartment. Freddie offered us a smile, while Spencer and Mrs. Benson were in the midst of a conversation. But I didn't quite care. I just wanted to feel Carly's lips on mine again.

"Still need that distraction, Carls?" I asked her, getting up.

"I can be a distraction!" Freddie suggested and I shook my head to him.

"Not the kind of distraction you're thinking about, kid." I told him. Carly grabbed out Peppy Colas and led the way up to the iCarly studio. She knew I wouldn't do anything where we could be found out. I heard her set the drinks down on a table or something and I closed the door behind me. Before I could even lock it properly and pull the shade down, so no one could see inside of the room, I was turned around and pinned. She had my hands held above my head and she was getting me in the neck. "Mmn, how did you know this was what I was thinking?"

"Because you're Sam and you always have sex and food on the brain," Touche.

"You really do know me well. I like being your distraction." I want to be something more than just.. her distraction, though. I want to be so much more than that. For now, I can work with this. I felt knocking against the door behind me and I heard Freddie's voice.

"If you don't unlock the door, then I'll come up in the elevator!" He shouted. Obviously his mother hadn't dragged him away yet. Once he had left and she stopped latching onto my neck, bent on leaving a mark of sorts and being stubborn about it, we pulled the shade up and unlocked the door. When Carly and I had settled into the bean bags on the floor and were watching television, I turned my head, hearing the elevator ding. In that instant, I let go of her hand, my fingers grazing along her palm as I did so, just to tease.

"Why wouldn't you let me in?"

"Girl talk," Carly and I replied in unison, looking to each other and grinning. I had shifted my shirt and lifted the collar a little to hide the love bite she left on my neck. Then again, he wouldn't even notice it. It's not like he cared.

"Oh," He wrinkled his nose and nodded dryly. "Well, I'm going back downstairs." I think he was waiting for one of us to protest; neither of us did.

As soon as the elevator closed, Carly reached for my hand again and I felt her kiss along my knuckles. "Am I still _just_ your distraction?"

"For now," She replied. Hey, at least I have some kind of hope, right? I'll keep pressing. I won't give up. The one person I won't give up on is Carly. She knows that, too.

* * *

I decided to kind of.... speed along their relationship. I gotta live up to my M rating after all. Expect a smutty sex scene within the next couple of chapters. I love reviews!


	6. Chapter 6

For some reason, I really want to get sick and stay home from school for a day so I can crank out like.. six more chapters. Haha. But that's not gonna happen.

Inspirations: Island - The Starting Line; If It Means A Lot To You - A Day to Remember; Holly Would You Turn Me On - All Time Low; Kiss Me - New Found Glory; Nothing Compares To You - Stereophonics.

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Chapter Six: iNever Knew...

She said "for now" and that has to stand for something. Doesn't it? Well, even if it doesn't, I'm considering it to be something. I'm starting to lose a grip on reality here and I need something tangible. I need something to grasp, to touch, to feel, to taste, to smell. I need to use my senses and have them identify with _something_, with_ someone_. I need to know these feelings that I am feeling are for real. I can't be trapped in some horrifically realistic dream. I can't be stuck in a nightmare where every single one of my synapses are on _fire_ and I feel as though I'm going to explode from every pore if I can't just... if I can't be with her like I should be. Like, I am losing my concepts of time because of all of this happening. I think I'm investing too much of my heart into being with Carly, when I should really be focusing on other things. Such as my mother being in a drunken stupor when I walk through the door of our apartment. But of course, it takes the sound of shattering glass against linoleum to grab my attention to the present.

I figured I would go home and check on my mom on this... this glorious Friday afternoon, when I could be at the Groovy Smoothie with Carls, but no. I'm here. I had to tell Carls that my mom needed me for something... probably a booze run, ugh. Threading my fingers through my hair gently, I started to pick up the broken glass pieces from the kitchen floor, watching my mother carry herself down the hallway and land on her bed, I think. I hope she did. I really don't want to spend a night in the hospital because she fell off her bed and was knocked unconscious or something like that.

The worst possible thing happened when I was trying to clean up the kitchen, gathering the garbage in a large black bag from the living room. I didn't even care about recycling empty bottles or cans. The environment could shove it. My cell phone was going off in my pocket. I held the bag in one hand and reached for my phone with the other, seeing that it was a call from Carly. Sighing, I picked up the call.

"Hey," I tried to get my voice to sound somewhat delighted. I was happy to hear her voice, though, but not right now.

"Hey best friend. How's your mom?" Her voice was so cheery. I know it was bad to think it, but what would she sound like if... NO. I mentally scolded myself - scold scold scold - and focused on our conversation.

"Uh, she's... she's taking a nap. Left me with a ton of chores to do, though," It was.. kind of the truth? Mom did go to bed - I didn't know if she was sleeping or not - and I was stuck cleaning up the place. Our apartment was significantly smaller than Carly's, so there wasn't as much surface area to worry about. But if the living room and kitchen were this bad... I was shuddering at the thought of the bathroom. My room, I knew, was relatively clean. I had managed to get the room with the lock on the door and stowed the key close to me, with my house keys.

"Well, maybe I should come over and help you?" She sounded far too eager to want to come here. I never let her come over. I always lied and said Mom didn't want people over or I forgot my house key so I'd get in trouble. I just didn't want to subject Carly to this disaster. Her world is such a fairy tale and this is... such the opposite. I don't know whether I'm trying to protect Carly from my mom or whether I'm ashamed that I live in this hell hole.

"Carls, that's probably not a good idea... my mom was really pissed that I haven't been around the past few nights." I had been at Carly's for awhile. My mom couldn't have cared. She was too drunk to care. The cordless phone allowed me to walk down the hallway and I left the garbage bag on the floor in the living room. I peered into Mom's room; sure enough, she was passed out on her stomach, already snoring up a storm and drooling into her pillow.

"I'm already outside of your building, though." Did she walk here? I squeezed my eyes shut and nodded slow.

"I'll be down in five minutes. Can you wait in the lobby?" She gave me an affirmative answer and I hung up the phone. I managed to clear the empty bottles, food wrappers, and cans and get them into the garbage. I tied the bags up, the two that I filled, and set the third into the graying garbage can in the kitchen. It took me longer than five minutes, though. Ugh.

I ran down the stairs, the four flights, without falling. That's when I lost my breath, when my eyes settled on Carly. Even in this hell hole of a place, she still looked so amazing. Sometimes I wonder why we're still friends. I've lied so much to her about my life. And she's always such an open book to me. My fingers threaded through my hair carefully and she walked towards me. She wasn't wearing what she had been wearing at school all day. To school, she had worn a graphic tee and jean shorts. But she was not wearing that anymore. She had changed into a dark skirt that stopped just above her knees and it had those pleats in it, too. And an off-white button down blouse; I could see her white tank top underneath of it, too, as well as the straps of her light pink bra.

"You changed," I observed flatly, gesturing towards the staircase in the far corner that I had emerged from. Compared to my cargo shorts and long sleeved red and yellow shirt, she looked gorgeous and I looked like hell spat me out.

"I wanted to wear something more comfortable," She replied, slipping one of her hands into mine as we walked up the stairs. I would have offered to take the elevator, but it hadn't been working for the past couple of months. She hadn't even asked.

For the ten long minutes that it took us to climb the stairs, we stayed silent, walking hand in hand. I just wonder _why_ she didn't say anything. It looked as if she was drinking all of this in, taking in the place that I am forced to call "home," when I'm certain she knows now why I spend so much time at her apartment. Best friends don't lie about the important things, especially major things like your mother being an alcoholic or living in a shit hole of an apartment. As I started to unlock the door, I felt her squeeze my hand a little. The guy who lived across the hall from me was leering at her and I knew because she moved closer to my side.

"Knock it off, Mr. Harold. She's not eighteen yet and I will call the cops this time." I threatened and he held up his hands defensively. Mr. Harold is the creepy old guy who lives with his pet snake, Frank. Frank is cool. But Mr. Harold is not so cool.

"He would really...?" I heard the hesitation and fear in Carly's voice and I nodded slowly.

"Yeah. My mom tried to barter my virginity off to him for booze." I couldn't even look at Carly when I said that. It hurt far too much. She knew I was not virgin, and not by means of Mr. Harold. I had fought tooth and nail to get away from him on several occasions, actually. But sometimes, I just couldn't handle dealing with it. That would be the times I showed up at Carly's in the middle of the night or when I slept out on the fire escape outside of my bedroom window.

When we moved into the apartment and I locked the door, chain lock included, she didn't let go of my hand. I didn't really want her to, but she didn't anyway. I think she felt as if she _had _to hold my hand or else she would get lost in this new place. I drew in a deep breath and pulled her towards the tattered couch in the living room, encouraging her to sit down.

"I really didn't want you to... see this, all of it." I rubbed the back of my neck, letting go of her hand. I looked over to her and she was smiling. She smiled so wonderfully. She threaded her fingers through my hair, pulling it out of my face in the process.

"Sam, it's okay. I'm a big girl, I can handle it." She confessed to me brightly, taking her hand out of my hair and folding her hands in her lap. I could tell she was nervous. "So what chores do you have to do?"

"Clean the bathroom and do the dishes." I informed her.

"Let's go for the dishes first. They seem a lot safer." She replied, getting up and pulling me into the kitchen.

It felt like days before we finished the dishes. There was no dishwasher. Everything had to be cleaned by hand. I let Carly wear the big yellow rubber gloves I found, since there was only one pair. We played with the bubbles and cautiously exchanged a few kisses in between washing the silverware and dishes. That was the first time I actually _enjoyed_ washing dishes.

Then, when we got to the bathroom, she almost vomited. I didn't blame her. I wanted to, but I was so used to the smells my house gave off at its prime dirty state, it didn't irritate me as much as it did her. I cleaned the toilet and the sink, and she took down the molding shower curtain liner, getting into the tub to change it. That gave me an idea.

"How much do you like that outfit?" I asked her, popping my head into the shower, wearing a devilish grin. She caught onto that and blinked to me.

"A lot. But everything is machine washable... why?" Her brow raised and I let my grin flourish into a smirk. "Sam..."

"I don't have anything in mind, don't worry." I confessed. I had finished cleaning the toilet and I was almost done with the sink. Once I finished that, when Carly had just finished putting up the new shower liner, I turned on the shower's water. She squealed when the rush of cool water hit her skin, and her clothes, making them stick to her. Luckily she wasn't wearing her sneakers. I chuckled to her and climbed into the shower, getting wet in my clothes, too. It was only fair, right? Right.

"I thought you said you didn't have anything in mind!" Her voice sounded upset, but the smile that pulled across her face was _so_ contradicting her angry voice.

"I didn't at the time." I told her. It was the truth, though. I knew I wanted to do something but I didn't know just what I should do yet. But then the water started to heat up. I quickly slipped behind her, changing the water to cold. It was easier that way, especially for me. Carly Shay, the things you _do_ to me without even trying...

Before I could really react much, she had me pinned against the shower wall, my hands over my head. Deja vu is such a good feeling. She leaned her forehead on mine, the cold water making our clothes stick to our lithe frames. She'd always be leaner than me, though. I blame her height for that.

"Sam," She whispered to me, holding my wrists against the shower wall with one hand and dragging her other down one of my arms. Her fingertips moved down my body, touching my face, my neck, my chest, and stilling over my stomach, carefully separating my shirt from my skin. Her touch was fire on ice.

"Yeah?" I answered, almost breathless. She was barely even touching me and I probably already creamed my fucking pants. I wonder why we didn't try this earlier on.

"I need a distraction," She didn't give me the chance to even try and catch my breath before our lips crashed together. I was hopeless against her. There was no way I could win this battle, none at all. And how was one supposed to win a battle that she didn't _want_ to win anyway? If this was what a battle would Carly would amount, I say let's bring on a full-blown war!

After what felt like ages and was only about a few minutes of the most _intense_ kissing of my entire life, I felt her lips break away from mine and start to trail along my jaw, down my neck. She wasn't supposed to know my weakness was my neck, even if she is my best friend. The lips at my neck felt incredible. I don't think I've ever felt this great because I was in a cold shower with my clothes on. Well, I've never taken a cold shower with my clothes on to begin with.

She pulled my shirt off over my head, smirking when she saw the black bra I was wearing. I raised my brow to her curiously.

"Black?" She asked, smirking.

"I like this bra. I got it at Build-A-Bra when we went over the summer." I felt my breath hitch as she ran her fingertips along my bra cup, paying extra attention to the fact that she could feel my hardened nipples through the material. "C-Carls," She shook her head to me and caught my lips again.

"I remember." She breathed just as unevenly as I did and her fingers slipped underneath the formed cup; she was teasing me. With the same hand, she moved it around my back, unclasping the bra. I don't know why but I felt so nervous all of a sudden. I had scars along my skin. I had bruises. I was far from the perfection that she deserved.

While she had taken my bra from my body and dropped it to the floor of the tub, I started to unbutton her shirt, smirking when I noticed her bra had its clasp in the front. Had she been planning something from the start? Ha, I think so.

"What's this all about?" I asked her playfully, my fingertips gliding over the clasps and she giggled cheekily. "Not so innocent anymore, are you?"

"I'm just happy I started doing my own laundry. Spencer would have a heart attack." She replied quietly.

"I'll bet," I whispered back. Once I had her bra off, my hands moved along her flat stomach, taking in every inch of her skin. I was so love drunk at this point, it wasn't even funny. Did I even mention how fucking beautiful her body is? It's toned in all the right places. No scars, no bruises, no cuts. Nothing. Blemish free, one hundred and ten thousand percent. Just as my hand was poised over the elastic waistband of her skirt, the doorknob of the bathroom opened. I heard my mother mumbling to herself. She went to the bathroom. And when she flushed the toilet, the cold water only got colder.

I tugged at Carly's bottom lip, coaxing her into another heated kiss when the icy water collided with our faces, our bare torsos. It was stinging and painful, but we couldn't make a noise showing that we were there. Not while my mother was in such a drunker stupor. I wouldn't subject Carly to facing that, naked, wet or otherwise.

Once the door closed, she pulled back from the kiss. "What the hell, Sam?" She asked, but her voice was quiet.

"My mom is drunk." I told her. "If we made any noise, then she would have lashed out. No one should have to see that, especially not you.." Her features softened and she encouraged my hands pushing her skirt down her legs. The one thing I had only just noticed? Carly Shay, wearing no panties, no underwear, no _nothing_ beneath her skirt. Oh hell, she planned this from the start. That's why she came over. I was her booty call!

"You realize that we're essentially showering together?" I told her, taking the chance to switch our positions. I had her up against the shower wall now and she couldn't even wipe the grin off of her face. I still had my jeans on, but she didn't seem like she was in a rush to get them off.

"But we're not going to wash up. We're already doing the opposite..." She countered. She already knew what I was doing. My lips were leaving trails along her neck, her shoulders, and I was heading for her chest. She leaned her head back against the tiles and closed her eyes while I let my tongue circle around her nipples playfully. The soft moans that left her lips mingled with the sounds of the water splashing upon the tiles and the porcelain beneath our feet. But only I could savor how sweet they were. I knew they were sweet.

Her moans were encouraging. I kept moving my lips down her body, loving the fact that her skin was so smooth and her body so magnificent. My teeth grazed along her skin playfully and she moaned again. Her fingers ran through my hair as I started back up to her mouth. I needed to taste her kisses again. My hands were placed firmly, but loosely, on her hips, holding her where I wanted her to be.

"Mmm, Sam... where did you learn to _do_ all of this?" She was pleased with what I had done for her so far. I hope I'm more than a distraction to her. I laughed gently into the side of her neck, letting my teeth graze her skin. My hands were already roaming from her hips. One hand went to her chest, paying attention to one of her hard as _hell_ nipples. The other hand carefully dipped towards her center, which was wetter than the rest of her body, I soon realized.

"Trust me," I whispered against her neck. "You would not want to know," My teeth grazed along her skin again and my fingers were gliding over her thighs, her inner thighs. I heard her moan a little more. Her moans were a bit more urgent and a little louder, too. My eyes closed and I reveled in her closeness, in the noises escaping her throat and filling my ears.

I knew this paradise was not going to last forever, but for what I had right now, I was far from content. My fingers found their way to her center and she gasped a little at the new touches. They were completely foreign to her and I loved that. To give me a little more... access, I think, I felt one of her legs lift and wrap around my waist, ultimately pulling me closer. The whole set up we had was enough to make my head spin, but I had to keep my cool for her. This was Carly's first time, in my grimy shower... What was I doing?

"Carly," My lips were whispering against hers, but she was in some kind of blissful state that she didn't even want to answer me. She just made a small noise of approval. "Do you really want to do this in the shower?" I think she gave me an affirmative answer. She tugged at my lip slightly with her teeth, moaning again, and moving her leg so my fingers ran along her moist center. It felt so... much better than it had with anyone else. But I couldn't move. I didn't want to move. There was nothing that could get me away from her at this point. So fuck it. We'll stay in the shower and guess what? It'll be the best shower sex that has ever hit this shit hole apartment.

I teased her center, making small circles with my fingertips. She kept moaning against my lips, vibrating them, exciting me further. I could feel her arms wrapping around my back, her nails lightly digging into my skin and descending downward. Normally I wasn't a big fan of that, but with Carly, everything was different. I liked different things and I disliked things that I normally did like. I played with her like she was the first toy I ever owned; I was careful, I was delicate, and I was sure I was not going to break her to little bitty pieces.

Testing the waters, my middle finger slid into her entrance. The louder moan that she gave off almost sounded like one of pain, so I pulled out. She leaned her forehead on mine and chuckled.

"That feels _so_ much better than doing it myself," She mused quietly to me, grinning from ear to ear. I could have pissed myself laughing if I wasn't so worked up at this point.

"You masturbate?" I asked her, curious, brushing our noses together playfully as I spoke. She just tugged at my lip and nodded into a kiss. That's something I never expected... Carly Shay, masturbating. Huh. I bet she does it in the shower, too.

"Who doesn't," She replied. "It's a natural urge for the human body..."

"I know you're book smart. But let me handle the sex smarts, please," I was almost pleading with her to shut up. She leaned into the tiles behind her more, the cold water cooling down our sweating bodies. Well, we would be sweating if we weren't in the shower.

This time when my middle finger slid in, I definitely teased her. I moved in as far as I could and pulled out completely. Then I repeated the process, using two fingers, thrusting inward at various speeds and pulling out at different ones. I was teasing her and she loved it. But enough was enough. I didn't want to get caught by my drunken mother. That would suck a lot.

I found a rhythm we could both work with. The way that we were standing was a little awkward, but luckily, we were able to get a little friction between our hips; thank you, grinding. Yeah, I still had my jeans on, but I was getting off on her. She didn't even need to touch me for me to hit my desired climax. We could get to that some other time, if she really wanted.

Her fingers were threading through my hair again and my lips were latching onto her neck, sucking at her pulse point. I was determined to give her a mark. The one she had given me was fading, but this was payback, in all honesty. Her moans were becoming louder. I didn't want my mother to hear us. As I could feel her walls tightening around my fingers inside of her, I kept moving to the best of my abilities, trying to get her over the edge.

I pulled away from her neck, letting our lips crash together in an open mouthed kiss. Her lips were parted against mine. One of the throaty moans that left her mouth and mingled with my breath was littered with my name, and it was mind-blowing. Hell, it was orgasm inducing

My fingers kept moving inside of her as she came down from her high, a goofy smile plastered against her face. Several minutes later, I pulled my hand away from her center, the water from the shower head washing my fingers clean before I could even taste them. Damn. I had been so looking forward to that.

I wiped dark wet hair that was stuck to her face and carefully, she unwrapped her leg from around my body. I placed a few chaste kisses along her cheek and her jaw, a small smile pulled across my face. I was the proud owner of Carly Shay's virginity, and I sure as hell wish I could boast about that at school. But I knew better. Even though she looked so cute when she blushed, I would never, ever subject her to the teasing and torment of others. I would beat up anybody who dared mock my Carly. She knew that.

"Maybe we should get dried off and take a nap in my room." I suggested, whispering my words in her ear gently. She nodded slowly, her nails still carefully dragging down my back. Of all the scars and cuts and bruises I had on my skin, those were going to always be my favorites. I knew where they came from; I knew who caused them and why; I knew the stories they had and the emotions that were tied to them. And I love her enough not to care what blemishes she left on my skin.

I turned the water off and pulled my jeans and briefs off of my body. I wrapped her up in a clean towel, pulling her close to keep her warm, then I wrapped myself up in a clean towel as well. She was still a little shaky in the legs from standing up and leaning solely on me and the wall during that first time of hers. We snuck down the hallway to my bedroom and I locked the door behind us, after grabbing out sopping wet clothes from the bathroom. I put them into a plastic hamper basket.

"Want to come with me to the laundry room?" I asked her. I gave her a tank top and some shorts to wear while she was here, until our clothes were dry.

"Of course. Anything to stay with you," She replied, picking up the hamper basket before I could even get to it across the room. I pulled the door open for her and we walked through the living room and into the hall. I led her to the laundry room down the hallway. The one good thing about this building? Each floor had their own laundry room with two washers and two dryers. It was so easy to use, too. I dumped our clothes into one of the dryers and set the timer on for an hour or something. Then we started back to my apartment, leaving the basket behind and upside down on the dryer.

"Why didn't you tell me more about... well, all of this sooner?" She asked, reaching for my hand as we walked back. I was reluctant at first, but I laced our fingers.

"I didn't want you to know. I was just.. scared of what you might think," She laughed a little and kissed my cheek.

"You know I would never judge you, Sam." Her voice was so sweet when she spoke. I almost didn't think it was real. As I opened the door, I caught her lips briefly. Mom had retreated back to her room - I could hear her snoring when we walked into the apartment.

"Let's go take a nap in my room." I whispered against her lips, grinning. She nodded back and we walked quietly to my bedroom. I locked the door behind us and turned out the lights. Easily, I held her hips, guiding us to my small, single bed that was pressed up against the wall and into a corner. I peeled the blankets back and pulled Carly close. She stayed facing me in the darkness, one arm draped over my waist and the other pushing hair away from my face.

"I could really use a nap after that... sex is tiring," She chuckled, curling her head against my chest.

"You're telling me, Cupcake." I whispered back to her, tracing shapes along the small of her back. "Hey, I have a question for you..." She mumbled something, letting me know she was still awake and listening. "Am I still just your distraction?" The only answer I got was her steady, soothing breathing, her breath tickling my skin.

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Hot steamy shower sex! Ha! So there will be several more chapters to this story, I don't quite know how many. Carly needs to get over this distraction bit and accept that her and Sam need to be a couple. Reviews are love!


	7. Chapter 7

So I decided to start story-boarding the rest of the chapters that I have for the story. Rest assured, there will be plenty more updates; this is going to be a long story, folks, so I hope you are up for the long haul ahead.

Inspirations: purified water and a massive headache.

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Chapter Seven: iCan't Do This

Carly Shay, you have no stamina at all. We'll have to work on that. But most of all, Carly Shay, do you know what you do to me? You confuse the hell out of me.

My eyes wouldn't close after I spoke to her in the darkness. Instead I stayed awake, taking in the aroma lifting from her wet hair. It faintly smelled of strawberries and cream, with an undertone of sweat. When I did try to close my eyes, all I saw was rejection. So I quickly opened my eyes, keeping my arms around Carly. My best friend. My life. She meant the world to me and if I didn't mean the same to her, I just don't know what I would do.

She shifted a little in my arms and I buried my face into her hair. I had to try to sleep a little bit. We were safe in my room, wrapped up in each other. At least we could be safe together, right? That made sense. Being with somebody meant feeling safe and loved when you're with them. That's how I feel when I'm with Carly. I'm safe. I can be myself around her, no worries about being judged or anything. I guess I'll never be able to figure this out until she gives me a solid answer. Am I really just her distraction, or am I so much more than that?

Several hours later, I felt lips moving along my neck. My eyes had closed. On the other side of my door, I could hear glass being shattered and shouts being exchanged. One of the many were back with a vengeance, and here Carly and I were, lounging half naked in my bed, recovering from afternoon delights in the shower. Fingers threaded through my hair slowly and I registered that familiar moan against my skin, the lovely sound filling my ears. Mm. She has such a sweet and endearing moan. I love it; I love the way it makes my stomach fill with happiness and generally happy emotions.

"I don't want to get up if you're doing that," I whispered. And sure enough, just as soon as I spoke, she stopped moving her lips playfully along my neck. My lips tugged into a frown. "Gee, Carly. I didn't mean for you to stop..."

"When I hear breaking glass and shouting, I start to worry. Is this why you never talk on the phone with me when you're home?" She asked, pushing hair out of my face. I nodded slightly, taking in slow, deep breaths. I knew she was really close right now. Our lips brushed carefully and I couldn't help but tug at her bottom lip. She was just so close and so sweet and so very addictive.

"And that's usually my cue to leave, especially when I hear my name somewhere in that shouting mess I call a mother." I told her quietly. There was so much I kept from her. I think she was starting to understand more and more why I stayed with her so much, why I depended on her so much. I wanted to be independent. I wanted to break free from my mother, but I couldn't yet. I legally wasn't allowed and there was no way I could take my mother to court or something to be emancipated. That would mean I'd have to live on my own and work and probably rarely see Carly, which would suck so much. A lot.

"So, why are we still here?" She sounded more concerned than curious and I just chuckled to her.

"Do you want to get dressed and leave? We can go to your apartment, if you'd rather..." I suggested, my shoulder shrugging softly. I felt her nod against my forehead and I sighed. "All right, but that means we have to move and put clothes on." I told her, earning a small groan on her part. "Yes, we have to get dressed. I'm not letting you climb out of my window onto the fire escape while you're in the nude."

"I didn't peg you as the jealous type, Sam." She replied, starting to shift and climb out of my bed slowly. I rolled my eyes to her back.

"I'm not. It's cold out and you'll get sick."

"Uh huh," I knew she thought I was jealous of who else could be watching us, but that's not how it was. I didn't feel like arguing my point to the death; I let Carly have this victory, because I'd just get her back sometime in the future.

I sat up as well, leaning my chin on her shoulder and letting my fingertips touch her sides as she pulled my sheets up to cover herself a little more. We were both wearing clothes, but the minimal amount, and I noticed that she was a bit cold. I shifted my chin on her shoulder, letting my lips gently touch her skin. I heard a very low throaty moan leave her slightly parted lips. I smirked in approval of the sound, my teeth tugging the thin strap of the borrowed tank top from her shoulder... until no sooner did I feel a swat at my nose.

"Hey, no. If you do that, then we'll never get out of your bedroom." She almost hissed to me in a hushed tone. But I kept going. And when she swatted at my face again, I playfully growled at her.

"Maybe I don't want to leave my bedroom yet. It's not everyday I'm allowed to get in my best friend's pants," I whispered back to her, wrinkling my nose and letting my lips move along to her neck. Ah-ha. That was her weak spot. She couldn't protest me now, not with the soft moans leaving her slightly pursed lips.

"Mmn, Sam... come on, really," She sounded like she wanted me to stop and I didn't want to cross any lines that I shouldn't, so I stopped, my lips and tongue stilling over her skin. And then she whimpered quietly, just when the glass stopped breaking and the shouting ceased. All I could hear was Carly's unsteady breathing and crying, from my mom's bedroom. My hands rested over her stomach, underneath the tank top, and I shifted, kissing her cheek lovingly.

"I need to check on my mom. I won't be long," I tried to make my voice sound reassuring to her, but I was scared. Not only had Carly confused me beyond belief by acting so much like a girlfriend, but now I had to worry about why my mother was crying, why the glass had stopped shattering, and why the shouting had ceased to a very, very dull roar. Opening the door of my bedroom carefully, I made sure to grab my key. "I'm locking you in," I told her and I watched Carly give me a nod. When I opened the door, an ounce of light had filled my room, sprinkling against her glistening face. I couldn't help but smile and she smiled back. My breath caught looking at her and I reluctantly pulled my bedroom door closed. Inside my room, I heard Carly flip the light switch on and open up my dresser drawers to find something to wear. I hope she wouldn't find the red jeans I took from her last year; they're so comfortable.

Walking down the hallway casually, I looked in the living room and kitchen area. The apartment door was closed. There were several broken glass beer bottles littering the stained carpet, but it wasn't too bad. I checked the bathroom. It smelled like a stale shower mixed with vomit. Okay. Mom was hung over and made it to the bathroom to puke. Go Mom. I kept walking down the hall until I reached my mother's bedroom, the "master" bedroom of the apartment. She was passed out on her bed. The corners of my lips turned into a smile, a lazy one. I looked around the room quietly, opening her closet door and even checking under the bed. She was completely alone. I wonder what it was that caused her to throw empty bottles around the living room and kitchen and breaking them and whatever. She was such a strange drunk. Once she had asked me to rub spray cheese on her feet while she was drunk, and then started giggling about it when I didn't. Oh, mother.

I unlocked my bedroom door and slipped inside my room, a bright grin pulling across my face. Carly was going through my dresser still, her back towards the door that I had just closed, obviously not quietly enough. She turned her head to look at me over her shoulder.

"Hey," My voice was quiet. She had changed, into those red jeans and she was wearing my favorite bottle cap belt with them. She always had to wear a belt with those red jeans, which was why I took them from her originally. I had the ass to fill them out better. As much as I love Carly, she has absolutely _no ass_.

"I didn't know you had my red pants. I was looking for these." Heck, she was even wearing my black bra. My black bra. She hadn't found a shirt to match the pants yet, I noticed. My eyes were deciding where to focus: her eyes, her lips, her flat stomach, her chest. My gosh, Carly Shay, you are gorgeous...

"S-sorry, Shay. You still don't have the ass to fill those out." I teased her, grinning from ear to ear. I moved towards my closet, picking out a black tank that would look great on her. I walked it over to her. "You should wear this if you're gonna wear those pants." I whispered and she caught my lips, her hand holding my face. My eyes closed. But when she broke away and giggled, I knew she had some kind of ulterior motive. "What was that for?" I didn't even know why I spoke, why I had to ruin the moment.

"Just... mmn, because," I watched her shoulders shrug as she took the shirt out of my hands and smiled to me. The fact that she wasn't really giving me a solid answer was an answer enough for me. Did that make any sense? It kind of did to me. A little bit. My mind is warped, though, beyond belief.

While she pulled on the shirt I had suggested and admired herself in the mirror hanging from my closet door, I locked my door from the outside and slipped back in. I could hear my mother stirring down the hall, her door wide open. I pulled my door shut and threaded my fingers through my hair. I wanted to leave my room but I felt so comfortable in here, especially with Carly around and wearing my clothes. Well, my shirt; the pants were hers.

After what felt like hours and hours, we climbed down the fire escape carefully and started walking towards the bus stop to take the bus back to Carly's apartment. While we were walking, Spencer had called to say that he left his credit card for her to order take-out or something while he was away. Turns out that he ended up scoring some really awesome job at a local modern art museum, a new one, but he had to travel to New York City for a few days to meet with the curator and talk about business stuff.

"You didn't have to pay for me," I heard her whisper as she rested her head on my shoulder. I kept my arms folded over my chest and I smiled to her.

"It's all right. I knew you didn't have any change on you anyway." I replied to her, watching her fingers shyly walk along my thigh. We had always done stuff like this when we were out in public and often times got mistaken for a couple. Ha. I would have never believed that Carly had any ounce of bisexuality or homosexuality in her until she kissed me. Now? I don't even know what to think of her. I bet she's confused, too.

"I didn't have any change." She wrinkled her nose some, tracing shapes along my leg. I was used to her subtle affections. Sometimes, they drove me completely crazy. The bus ride to her house, which was only about a fifteen minute ride, was somewhat unbearable from her actions. It wasn't until the bus stopped and I moved that she lifted her head. I led her off the bus as she reached for my hand. There were a lot of people getting off of the bus with us, so I didn't mind her holding my hand. I wouldn't want to lose Carly to a crowd.

I watched her fumble with her keys in one hand, her other hand still clasped with mine. She didn't want to let go, I figured. Or maybe I had it all wrong. I don't really know. As we moved inside, I settled in on the couch and she moved into the kitchen, getting herself something to drink. I felt the couch shift when she sat back down, and she grabbed the television remote before I could even turn the television on.

"Aw, come on. I wanted to catch the end of the 2012 thing on the History Channel," I complained, but she shook her head.

"I want to talk about... about _us_." She replied gently, setting her drink aside. My breath caught. My fingers threaded nervously through my hair at her suggestion and I nodded slowly. My legs folded up on the couch and I gave Carly my full attention.

"Okay, go for it. I'm all yours." I gave her my full, undivided attention. Well, I did that quite often when it came to Carly, especially when she wanted to talk about something as important as... _us_. She had put emphasis on that part of the sentence, which meant she was serious. She wasn't fucking around here. Ha. I said fuck.

"I just want to be friends." Her voice was small-sounding, and I could tell she didn't want to hurt me. But her words hurt, a lot. She just took her words, morphed them into an Uzi and shot me in the damn heart until it was shredded to bits and pieces. My breath caught in the back of my throat and I bowed my head. "Still best friends... I just.. don't want to date anybody right now," She explained to me, trying to comfort me by pushing hair behind my ear, but I roughly pushed her hand away.

"I understand, Carls." So it was just a pity kiss? Oh great. Thanks, best friend. Way to take my heart, play with it, and dip it in a vat of acid. "What we did in the shower... it meant nothing to you?"

"No, I'm not saying that... it was amazing but.."

"There's always a but, and I don't mean a butt." I replied flatly, shaking my head to her.

"Well, you can still stay over tonight... I can take the couch if you don't want to share the bed with me," I shook my head to her. There was no fucking way I was going to stick around after you told me you just wanted to be friends, Carly mother fucking Shay.

I rose to my feet and shook my head to her again. "No. I'm going home." Was all that I gave her before escaping into the hallway. Freddie had just stepped out of his apartment across the hall when I moved into the hallway. I suppose he couldn't tell that tears were close to welling in my eyes because he smirked at me. I just glared at him and kept walking. I didn't even want to take the elevator down from Carly's apartment. Walking the several staircases down would ease my mind a little. I hope.

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Okay. So... this chapter was shorter than I thought it would be. BUT I have planned up to at least chapter fifteen for this story. I might also end this story in the 20-30 chapter range and break off to do a sequel, instead of keeping it all together, and maybe in Carly's POV? -eyebrow waggle- Reviews are lovedddd.


	8. Chapter 8

I'm sorry this chapter took me so long to update! I had to work on my English research paper. This chapter probably is going to be a short one; it'll just act as filler, in all honesty. Just trying to get from point A to point B, or point C to point S. Haha. I made a Cam joke!

Inspirations: Only One (Acoustic) - Yellowcard; One Love/People Get Ready - Bob Marley; Trainwreck - Demi Lovato,

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Chapter Eight: iShould Not Drink

Walking down eight flights of stairs and stopping on each landing to walk around the floor in the building did not help to calm my nerves. I felt my cell phone vibrating in my pocket and I knew it was Carly sending me frantic text messages, but I just couldn't answer her. She broke my heart into a zillion pieces and she had the gall to want to make sure I was okay? That I wasn't doing something harmful to myself? Psh. Harmful was fucking you in the shower, Carly Shay, even though you led me on and you kissed me and... What am I saying? I don't regret doing anything I've ever done with Carls. This isn't her fault. It's no one's fault. Actually, no: I will blame Freddie to make up for my sadness. Yes. Blame the Benson kid.

Just after I opened the door and started to walk away from Carly's building, a loud roll of thunder filled the sky and a crack of lightening struck against the heavy rain clouds. Almost a moment later, it started to pour rain. I didn't care. Maybe the rain would help me focus a little. Of course, the bus had just left the bus stop as I strolled up. I dug my hands into my jeans pockets and found no change. Looks like I am walking home tonight.

My hair was sopping wet and it stuck to my face. I pulled it up and out of my face, leaning my head back. I was a good two miles or so from my apartment, maybe more than that. But the dark seemed to mask the distance. I'll just have to try and catch another bus towards my apartment. Actually now that I think about it... it's probably a lot farther than just two miles. This was going to be one long night and it wasn't even really dark out yet.

My stomach started to grumble. Every bus stop that I passed, I stood at and waited. I even took the liberty of taking a bus schedule from a main terminal that I passed, but no buses going my way. Darn. I don't want to walk the whole way home! I'm fucking lazy.

You know what? To hell with you, Carly Shay. I will fucking move on. Yes. That's what I'll do. I'll round up my real best friends tonight and have a party. Yeah, I said _friends_, as in multiple friends. Shocking. I have more friends than just Carly and occasionally Freddie. He does bother me, but he has his moments. I still think he'd never figure out that I fucked his girl in my shower. Wow I curse a lot. Like, a lot a lot.

I rubbed my eyes and let a yawn drag out from my lips, filling the space around me. I still had a good few miles to go until I made it home and I had yet to catch a bus. Today was just not my day. I mean, it started out all right, the fact that I didn't have to do dishes alone, and taking a shower with Carly. But from then on, after we woke up from our random after-sex nap and took the bus to her place, it went downhill from there. I threaded my fingers through my wet hair. In the two hours that I had been walking and tormenting myself with these overwhelming feelings, the pouring rain had not let up. Damn Seattle for you, always having shitty weather. Finally, a bus came whizzing by me and just when I thought the public transportation vehicle had solved all my problems... nope, the large bus ended up splashing a big muddy puddle up at me, completely soaking me in dirty rain water. Great. This is just what I need. Not only am I miserable and heartbroken, now I'm completely soaked and dirty. I have to take another shower. I have to put my clean clothes through the wash again. Ugh. Today is seriously just.. not my day.

Either the bus driver saw me and felt bad or it was just genuine luck, but I managed to catch a bus, and find a quarter or two in that little tiny pocket of my jeans. I never use that pocket and I know I'm wearing my pants, so it's not like Carly put change in her pocket and left it and I found it. That would totally happen though. I think it happened once, last year when I borrowed her purple skinny jeans. I found like... ten bucks in her pocket. But I couldn't keep it. The one thing that I did pick up from hanging out with Carly so much was some kind of feeling towards guilt, maybe even a trace of a conscience. I couldn't keep the money that was obviously hers. So I gave her the money. But you know what she did with it? She bought me a smoothie at the Groovy Smoothie. Irony, I guess.

Sitting on the bus felt mildly relaxing. My feet were aching and numb from walking the distance that I did. But the pain I could feel from the waist down... it just didn't compare to how bad she had hurt me. My chest felt tight. My stomach was in knots. Did I really want to keep this crush up and keep trying? I'm starting to feel like Freddie, like trying to be with Carly is hopeless and I should just _stop trying_. Now would be a fabulous time for me to see one of those little lame shoulder angels or something, some fictional creature that could give me words of encouragement. But no. This was reality. You had to do shit on your own. Fuck. My. Life.

By the time I got home to my shitty apartment, it was just about eight o'clock. Mom was nowhere to be found, but she left some kind of a note. I couldn't really read all of it. The only words I recognized were my name, goat, ham, microwave, and bar. So she was at the bar with some guy named Goat and there was ham in the microwave? Score. I love me some ham. Now I need to find Mama's friends... Jack, the Captain, and Cola.

To my dismay, I opened the microwave and found no ham. But it smelled like ham. Maybe my mother had actually cooked something and had the decency to try to leave it for me but ate it anyway? Oh well. I guess she tried a little bit. It was more of the fact that my mother actually tried to do something a parent should do. Or maybe she tried to leave it for me and whoever was with her ate it, if someone was with her. Maybe a goat ate my ham. That's be kind of weird. Ham stuffed goat. Ha.

I opened the refrigerator and pulled out the three bottles that I needed, the only real friends I was going to have for the next couple of hours. I didn't even bother getting a cup. I headed off to my bedroom and locked my door. I felt a lot safe that way. But in all honesty? I did not feel safe at all. And I had a song stuck in my head, Yellowcard's Only One. That music video is really cute. I love that song. I remember when it first came out because I instantly fell in love with it - I like their unique sound, with the violin and whatnot - and I sang it to Carly. Of course, at the time, she didn't know I meant something by it. But I did. I sure as hell meant something.

Sitting with my back against the wall, I stared at my door, my eyes darting occasionally over to my window. Part of me hoped that Carly was pulling some kind of joke and was going to crawl up through my window any minute. The other part of me never wanted to speak to her again. How could she do that? I know she's grieving over her dad still, but ugh! At least she knew her parents. I still don't even know who my father is. Mom never knew who my father was. Why? She was too drunk to know who was fucking her and all she knew was that nine months later, I was born. Luckily she was able to stop drinking when she was pregnant, otherwise I would've had like.. six heads and ten excess limbs. Hurrah for avoiding fetal alcohol syndrome. I reached for the open bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey, taking a grand swig of it. The liquid burned my throat as I swallowed it. Sure, Mom would be pissed if she knew I was drinking, if she was even sober enough to care. But she'd probably be more pissed that I drank her stash. Stupid. Serves her right if she's going to leave it all out and in the open. I mean, the fridge is fair game, come on. That's like... a rule, or it should be.

My cell phone was going off in my pocket, ringing at me. But I didn't care right now. Well. I was curious to see who would be calling me. Reaching into my pocket as I took another sip, I blinked furiously to focus. I had been sipping the Jack for a little while now, making a dent in the already half gone bottle. It was half full when I got it and I think I drank about a quarter of it. I mean, it still sloshes around in the bottle and it's kinda heavy still. When I was able to focus, I saw that the called ID read Carly's name. I didn't open my phone, I just threw it. I tossed it across the room. I could still hear it ringing but I didn't want to answer. I could not. She couldn't know what I was doing, how I was getting over her, the way I decided to separate my friendships from my feelings.

Immediately after I threw my phone, I felt guilty. My guilt was overriding my better judgement and I started drinking the Jack down like water. I ignored the throbbing fire that trickled down my throat and welled in my stomach, causing more pain. It felt as if I just drank gasoline and swallowed a lit match, if that was at all possible. But you know what? My lips were still fucking tingling from kissing Carly. I could still remember the way she tasted, the way her tongue would try and battle with mine, the way that she would smile into each and every one of our kisses. God, I love her. Fuck. I am royally fucked, for real.

It felt like _hours_ went by. And when I say hours, I mean fucking hours, like days and months. When my eyes opened, I realized I had only fallen asleep for about twenty minutes. I hadn't sobered much at all. My eyes felt heavy, so I kept them closed. Still had a good amount of Jack in the bottle and I hadn't even touched the unopened bottle of Captain. I could save that for tomorrow, if I even went to school. My phone was ringing across the room. I recognized the ring tone as the one assigned to Carly. I'll probably have a ton of messages from her in the morning if I don't check it the whole night. I bet she's worrying about me. Actually, no. Fuck her. I hope she IS worrying. After telling me she just wants to be friends and letting me fuck her in the shower and leading me on and cuddling with me and being all cute and shit... ha, no way is she getting off the hook for that brilliant idea.

Part of me felt guilty for thinking so much hatred against Carly, my best friend. She had been there for me through so much. Why can't I be there for her when she probably needs me right now, too? Tears were burning my closed eyes, forcing them to open up enough to roll down my face. I just don't know anymore. I continued drinking the Jack until the bottle had run dry. I was too drunk to care where the bottle went. I laid down on my bed, face half buried in my pillow, and the empty cap-less bottle rolled out of my hand, leaving my fingers.

The last thing I remember before my eyes became too filled with my drunken stupor of tears to see was that I heard my mother stroll into the apartment, or at least I think it was her. The apartment door had slammed open and closed again. Then she started pounding on my door, screaming for her bottle of Jack. The fire burned in my throat from the lingering alcohol residue. I don't even know if she stopped at the door because I started ignoring her as I lulled myself to sleep, thoughts cluttered and unfocused.


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you everyone for all of the reviews!! I should probably start answering them individually. I'm newly addicted to twitter so just ask and I'll tell you what to find me under. Sorry that this chapter is so short. The next ones will get longer, I promise! Keep those reviews coming: I love the feedback I've been getting. It really fuels my fire.

Inspirations: Hurry Up And Save Me - Selena Gomez and the Scene; Remember December - Demi Lovato.

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Chapter Nine: iAm Hung-over

The morning came so much fucking sooner than I wanted it to, and I was greeted by a miserably splitting headache and my mother pounding her fists mercilessly on my closed bedroom door at six in the morning. Six A.M., mother! That means I'm sleeping! I was reluctant, but I got up and dragged myself to the door. My light was off and my blinds were closed, so my room was very dark. I tripped over myself a little and grabbed onto the door knob, holding myself up. I leaned against the door frame and pulled the door open enough to see her. She was a wreck, just like me. It was like looking in the mirror, but I had no fucking clue what I looked like. I was too tired to care at the moment.

"What, mother," I practically snapped her head off. She took a weary step back and smirked. I guess my breath smelled worse than a bathroom after a burly trucker stumbled out of it. The look she had on her face was priceless: it was a mixture between anger, shock, disbelief... I think she gathered that I had taken her Jack and finished it off.

"My Jack," She offered; I was right. "Where did you put it?"

"I drank it. I have school. Go away." I closed the door in her face and locked it up tight. I don't even know how I'm gonna get my ass to the bathroom without her... oh, wait! The bathroom window is big enough for me to get through and it branches off onto the fire escape, too. Ha. I love being able to climb. Well, in my mildly groggy state, I really wasn't up for that climbing ordeal. I just grabbed some clean clothes and shuffled on over to the bathroom. I was sluggish and I'd probably be like this all day. I was considering just not going to school, just drinking all day, murdering my liver a little more with each and every sip I take.

When I got into the bathroom, I locked the door. I set my stuff down on the back of the toilet and started the shower water. I didn't care that it was still kind of cold. I let the water wash over me, tickling my skin, waking me up even though I just didn't want to get up yet. I wanted to stay trapped in the dream I had been in last night. It was a fairytale, to say the least. But the Jack made it hard to even remember everything. I just... ugh. I can't believe Carly did that to me. I never thought she was _capable_ of such hurt and pain. But she hit the damn nail on the head, didn't she? She got it down. I wouldn't be surprised if she was fucking around with Freddie, too. Well, not actually sleeping with him, but playing suck-and-go-kiss. Wow. Did I really just peg my best and oldest friend as a whore? Psh, hell yes I did.

Against my own will, I decided to face everything and everyone head-on and go to school. The one person I was most worried about was the person that I saw first. And she was smiling? What the fuck, Carly. She tapped me on the shoulder to get my attention, since I was riffling through my locker to find my Spanish books or whatever.

"What do you want," I snapped at her, not even softening when I saw it was her. If anything, she put me more on edge just by being there.

"You didn't answer your phone last night after you left. It started raining. I wanted to make sure you were okay," She confessed, opening her locker as well and started to swap out some books. Unlike Carly, I never did my homework, and almost never brought books home. She was so punctual. I'm sure that she would be our valedictorian when we graduate. And Freddie would probably be the salutatorian. He'd be cut out for the position. I'd be lucky enough to even graduate, honestly.

"You don't have to bite my head off, Sam." She replied calmly. Obviously she was disregarding the whole reason as to _why_ I didn't just stay with her last night. "I have some good news for you!" She was practically squealing, too. I had turned my head away again, giving my locker the majority of my attention.

I wasn't really listening to her, but when I turned my head in her direction again, I saw a guy holding her around the waist and she was leaning her back against him. No. Carly Shay, you do not fucking do that to me.

"Who are you," I asked him angrily, my eyes flinging daggers at him. If he didn't take his hands off of my Carly, there were going to be serious mother fucking issues here. I will take him and she knows that I will. She knows I'll beat the living shit out of this guy, and that this point, her sweet voice wouldn't be able to lull me out of a fight.

"Michael Levik, Carly's..." She nudged him in the gut and he immediately shut up. I already knew what he was going to say, though. Luckily the five minute bell rang. I didn't even give them a chance to finish talking to me. But when I glanced over my shoulder, I didn't see a sour look on Carly's face. She was turned against Michael's chest, hugging him tightly with her eyes squeezed closed and a small smile pulled across her face. Fuck. My. Life.

All day, I did everything that I possibly could to avoid Carly and Freddie, because he would try to get me to reason with her. In between classes, I went to my locker to dump off some books and I saw a note hanging out of it. My name was written across it in orange pen and cursive writing. That made me smile, but just barely. Unfolding the note, I immediately recognized Carly's handwriting in the orange ink.

I read the note almost six times before I put it back into my locker, crumpled into a ball instead of neatly folded. I couldn't deal with that kind of heartache right now. Wait. What? Heartache? I'm not.. Oh fuck me, yes I am. So officially, as the reader of this sad tale of what I'm calling the crackling foundation of a best friendship and more, I am in love with my best friend. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

Running to the nearest bathroom, I expelled the next to nothing in my stomach. I wasn't even hungry, and that was weird for me. I was skipping lunch to puke. I had no one to hold my hair back for me. Part of me just wanted Carly to appear out of thin air and tell me that she was just joking about having a boyfriend, it was all a plot to make me jealous and want her more. She's not the type to do something like that, though. Why would she even do that? She wouldn't, simple as that. She must really fucking like this random guy to date him, after I ran out on her like I did.

It felt like I had been in there forever. I didn't care that I was missing the majority of my classes. I leaned my back against the stall door and closed my eyes, wiping my mouth with my shirt. I wish I could brush my teeth. I probably had serious puke breath right now. So unattractive. Not that I cared. I wasn't trying to impress anyone anymore. There was almost no point to even being in school if I couldn't see Carly. We weren't even fighting. I just couldn't see her face without wanting to hit someone, without wanting to break down completely.

After about half an hour, and maybe it was because lunch was over and girls started to filter into the bathroom and made it loud, I got up and walked out. My head was still hurting but not nearly as bad as before. Normally my stomach would be complaining for not eating by this time, but not today. I didn't think I could stomach anything, not today. I could sure use some of that Captain that I left untouched in my bedroom. I locked my door before I left this morning, so it should be safe in my room for when I get home, if I go home. I'm not even sure if Carly will want me to come over after school, like I do everyday. If we just aren't talking or if her boyfriend is going to be there... ugh. I just do not want to be in the room with those two.

The last bell echoed throughout the empty halls and tickled my ears, coaxing me to lift my head from the desk. I gathered my things and crammed myself into the crowd of students leaving the room. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the teacher approaching my desk to ask me what was wrong or show some kind of false concern. I didn't care too much about that. I had my own shit to deal with; I don't need an adult who is paid to be here and hates his or her job ask me if I need their help or something. I'm perfectly fine on my own, thanks.

"Sam! I haven't seen you all day!" I heard the call coming from behind me. Carly wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face into the crook of my neck. I had to try so hard not to cave into her touch. I shook her off, taking her arms from around my waist. I was reluctant, though. I loved the way she made me feel whenever we were close like that. "What's the matter?"

"Your fucking boyfriend." I snapped at her, slamming my locker shut once my backpack was securely inside. "After what you told me last night, you expect me to be all right with you being all over some guy?" I hadn't even realized that the halls were still kind of busy and my voice was growing louder.

"Sam... don't make this about me," She had the gall to snarl back at me as she slammed her own locker in retaliation. I could see her boyfriend approaching her from behind and she even shoved him away. "Not now, Mike." She muttered to him.

There was a healthy distance of about three feet between us, but it felt like we were trapped in a box together. Our eyes locked. My fists balled up tightly. I was ready to go all out and actually get into a fist fight with my best friend. Our fights never escalated like this. The few fights we did have in the past had never been this intense.

"It _is _about you, Carls! You're the one that..." I wasn't going to just shout out what we had done for everyone to hear. I might be mad at her but I don't completely hate her. I could never hate Carly Shay. She's impossible to hate, I realized. "Forget it. We're done,"

"Wait, what?" She grabbed my arm as I walked past her and I had to resist the urge to just slap her across the face or something. She could be so dense sometimes.

"You heard me. We are not friends anymore. We're done, Shay."

"Fine, Puckett. Just don't come crying back to me. I know you will; you always do," She hissed to me under her breath, letting go of my arm. As I left the school, I could feel the tension leaving with me. But it had been escalated so far... I thought I was going to hit her. I'm so glad that I didn't. I really am.

I guess I'm stuck taking the bus home. Well, hey... I've still got the Captain to keep me company, right? Right-o!


	10. Chapter 10

I realized that a lot of people don't really like Carly right now in the story. I'm sorry for that: she'll get nicer, I promise! And when I finally come to the end of this story, I'm going to have a sequel of sorts, rather the continuation of the story, but from Carly's POV.

Disclaimer: the poem that Sam wrote is one of my own; don't own iCarly peoples, just this fantastic twisted plot.

Inspirations: Spy Kids 3-D; lots of Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez videos.

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Chapter Ten: iAm a Hot Mess

I was feeling completely and utterly miserable, but for some reason, I managed _not_ to drink again. I think going to school with a hang over and fighting with Carly drove me to something else. It drove me to write. I was sitting on my bed, pen in hand and notebook in lap, and I just couldn't stop writing. I don't write, ever. But for some strange fucking reason, not talking to Carly drove me to write. To write. Writing. Why am I writing?

Maybe the fact that I was writing paid off, though. I realized that we had been assigned something for English class, that I was required to write a poem, in any verse that I wanted (which meant there was _going_ to be no absolute constructive verse at all) and I have to read it in front of the class. I don't mind the public speaking, really. But there's just... I don't even feel up to going into school and looking presentable because I'm not speaking to Carly. Yeah, I know, it's depressing. I'm depressing.

The pen in my hand kept moving upon its own accord, I realized. My eyes might have been half closed at some points, but I didn't stop writing. Granted, half of the page was covered in sketchy doodles in the blue ink, I never stopped moving the pen. Eventually, words started to form when my eyes stayed open and focused on the paper. I cracked out a poem, and when I read it over, tears welled in my eyes. I would end up writing something about how shitty of a friend I was to Carly, I seriously would. Sighing, I knew I wouldn't get anything better than this, so I tossed the pen aside. I stuck the paper into my folder and shoved it under my pillow.

It was only four in the afternoon and what was I doing? Going to sleep. This is what I've become without Carly, a person that hibernates in the mid-afternoon hours of the day. At least I'm not drinking. I know that Carly would be upset to know I was hung-over yesterday. I figured, if we ever started talking again, I'd just not tell her that happened. I don't like worrying Carly anymore than she already worries on her own natural medium. I swear, if I'm in the bathroom for too long, she comes knocking on the door to make sure I didn't fall in. As much as I love her, she has a very maternal aspect that hangs over our friendship.... relationship.... whatever the fuck we have that's fucked up and warped and I wish she didn't have a boyfriend.

The next day at school was boring, until I came to English class. Now this is one of my classes that I don't have with Carly, and I don't have Freddie in here either; he reports to Carly, I found out, about what I do in my classes that he has with me and she does not. Great. I never really considered him much of a friend, but he's even less of one now that I know he reports to her. I wonder if she has spies everywhere, checking up on me, even when we're not speaking. Well, she did seem pretty pissed off yesterday. Why does she think I'll be the one that comes crawling back to her? When have I ever came crawled back to her after a fight? Never. Not once did I cave. We would mutually apologize. And sometimes I would share my food with her after we fought to make amends, but that wasn't me crawling back to her, ugh. I'm almost certain we might never be friends again at this point. There's no way I'll be the one that caves.

The bell rang, echoing in my ears, as I settled into my seat in the back of the room. My backpack was up on the desk, my arms folded and my face buried in the space my arms had created. That's when I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was the teacher, Mr. Higgins. He had knelt down beside me. He was a new teacher here, but he was still pretty cool, I guess.

"Are you feeling up to reading your poem out loud?" He asked, his voice quiet and yet very calm and collected. I nodded weakly and shifted in my chair to pull my folder out of my backpack.

"Yeah. I have it, boss." I told him. For some reason, I had started to call him boss several months ago. He didn't mind it so it stuck. I was the only student who called him that, though. I headed up to the front of the room and Mr. Higgins made a point to quiet down the rest of the class, informing them to give me their undivided attention.

My hands were shaking more than they should have been. Was this poem too personal? I don't even know. I was standing behind a pine podium, somewhat hidden from my audience of 18 people, including the teacher. Taking in a deep breath, I unfolded the slightly crumpled lined notebook paper and I closed my eyes. It was now or never, right? Yeah.

"_A Story of Friend,_" I breathed the titled evenly, my voice sounding much steadier than I ever thought that it would. "_A friend is there when you need her most,_" I had to open my eyes to collect the next words, but I drew out my voice, sounding as though I was winging it. Well, kind of winging it. "_but I wasn't there for you. I was selfish. I took advantage of the situation_." My voice was getting shakier and more cautious as I kept speaking. But I had to keep going. If I didn't, I knew I would never have the balls to get back up here. I focused as intently as I could on a spot on the back wall of the classroom, trying to ignore the whispers and the snickers beneath me. Normally, I don't care about public speaking; it just never phases me. But today? Ha. I'm lost in a sea of my own drowning thoughts. "_Raindrops melted our sweet sugar coating, leaving you and I exposed._" If sugar coating meant hiding the sexual tension, then yes, that was so true with me and Carly. Why do I not even remember why I meant by half of this poem? I knew it was about Carly, just... oh, I need to keep reading, right. "_In a world of hope, there's unlimited chances and forgiving wrong choices. A friend is there to pick up the pieces when you crumble and stumble, but I just stood by as you fell... face first into your problems._" I had to close my eyes again and take a deep breath. I felt like I wanted to cry. But I was too proud to cry in front of anyone. I didn't even cry around Carly. "_If I can't be a friend, how can I be a best?_"

When I opened my burning eyes and looked at the stoic faces of my peers, and my awed, teacher at the far desk, the corners of my lips curved into a smile. They were clapping, commenting on how well written that poem was, how they all could relate to it in some way. I don't know why they would relate to it. It's not for them. I had squeezed my eyes shut and retreated swiftly back to my seat. I hadn't even noticed the teacher get up but he made his way across the room to the ringing telephone, answering the call; then he dialed another number. I had lifted my head and gazed around the room. He hung up the phone and came to kneel beside my desk again.

"How do you feel about public speaking?" He asked quietly while the class roared around us. They were delighted they didn't have to do anything constructive.

"I, uh.. Don't mind it, why?"

"Principal Franklin asked if you would be up for reading your poem at the next assembly; it's tomorrow, during first period. There's going to be a few speakers, so you won't be alone." He was trying to reassure me but I just nodded. I wasn't nervous about the actual reading, I was nervous about what might come of this. I don't want to be a poet. I just.. wrote a damn poem that touched a handful of people. Ugh. I'll probably get made fun of for this. Great. I'm not looking forward to that.

The next day came a lot slower than I wanted it to. The afternoon dragged on and the night was pulled out even slower. I wasn't even sure how I was going to do this, how I wasn't going to vomit or something.

Principal Franklin suggested I wear something semi-decent. I settled on a pair of black skinny jeans that I had borrowed from Carly awhile ago, a red tank top, and a red and black striped blouse that buttoned down; I had the sleeves rolled up to my elbows, too. My feet were comfortable in a pair of red high top Converse sneakers, casually completing the outfit. I let my hair spill over my shoulders in the natural loose curls.

"Sam, it's your turn." He whispered, setting a firm hand on my shoulder. Well, firm but gentle. He was like the father-figure I never grew up with. I nodded slowly and reached into my pocket, pulling out the slightly more crumpled piece of paper with my poem on it. There was a podium set at the center of the stage. When I readied myself, I didn't expect the bright spotlights to be on me. I gave half a smile and looked down at the paper, adjusting the microphone with one hand and smoothing the paper with the other. No one had ever seen me looking and feeling this completely and utterly vulnerable before. I did not like this at all.

"_A Story of Friends_," I spoke the title near the microphone, but not far enough away to avoid a screeching feedback rip through the auditorium. I cringed at the sound and I earned some groans from the crowd before me.

"_A friend is there when you need her most... but I wasn't there for you._" I had to look up, I had to. If I didn't, I would never win this battle I was having with myself. My voice needed to not sound so shaky, so uncertain, so foggy and distraught. "_I was selfish. I took advantage of the situation. Raindrops melted out sweet sugar coating, leaving you and I exposed._" My eyes started to search through the people that I could just barely make out in this awkward light. These spotlights were killing me. I could practically feel the sweat forming on my brow, poised to roll down my face and possibly drip upon the microphone or the podium, or my crumpled paper with the words I needed to get across. "_In a world of hope, there's unlimited chances and forgiving wrong choices. A friend is there to pick up the pieces when you crumble and stumble, but I just..._" When my eyes settled in on a particular brunette next to the person she was calling her boyfriend, my breath caught and I almost froze on the spot. But I gulped and looked down at my words. I needed to know that this was going to be okay. I know I had to be a friend to her, but now I need a friend. I need her. "_... stood by as you fell face first into your problems._" That's when I felt the need to direct my words to her, but she was letting go of his hand, whispering something to him with a cheeky smile. I miss her smile. She pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek, I think, and shifted out of her seat, getting up and leaving the auditorium. I couldn't hold in my tears anymore and I had to finish this thing before I could run, before I could escape and cry to myself. "_If I can't be a friend, how can I be a best?_"

As soon as I stopped speaking, I practically ran off the stage and into the wing. I ran to the wing that was empty and I bolted for the bathroom. My hands were shaking as I fumbled with the stall lock, ensuring that I wouldn't fall if I leaned back on the closed door. Squeezing my eyes shut in some effort to tell myself that this is just a horrible dream, I started to rip the paper to bits. I don't care anymore. I can't stand this. The way she makes me feel is _not_ normal. It is not right to love someone this much, that you have to practically break yourself down completely and feel the lowest of lows to know that you are completely and utterly helpless without that one person that you just can't have. I tried to be with her. She rejected me. Why, I have no clue.

Tears flooded and rolled down my cheeks in groups, but I couldn't stop them. I rubbed at my eyes furiously but they just burned the more that I rubbed. I was making it worse for myself. I knew I was. I didn't care. No one cared about me anymore. Why should I care about myself? I shouldn't. Good answer, Sam.

That's when I froze. My body tensed when the bathroom door opened and swung shut. I didn't know who it was so I just sniffled, squeezing my eyes shut again.

"Sam," Her voice was so calming. I threaded my fingers through my hair after I finished ripping up the paper in my hands until all I felt was my fingertips against each other. I choked back a sob and she came towards the stall I was in. I felt her hit the stall; I think she clenched her fist and punched it, but I didn't know.

"Carls," I spat back, rubbing my eyes again. I couldn't face her like this. Opening my eyes, I drew in a few low, deep breaths and exhaled shakily.

"You're crying. Why," She asked. For some reason, her voice sounded cold. I turned around slowly, trying not to fall because my knees were quaking, and I unlocked the stall door. "Why aren't we speaking. Why," She sounded as though she was pleading with me, begging for an answer to leave my chapped lips.

"I'm not crying. And we're not talking because you have a fucking ego," I told her. When I opened the door, I hadn't realized she was leaning against it. So I quickly stood in front of her, holding her by the waist. Turns out that her forehead landed on mine in the process and her hands landed plainly on my shoulders. We were inhaling each other's exhales.

I don't think I had been this close to her since we were in the shower, our smiles meshing in that memory. But today, there was no smile to exchange between us. There was nothing I could say or do to want to change my mind. As much as I love Carly Shay, she needs to grow up before she can be my best friend again.

"I'm sorry." Her voice broke our silence of about five minutes or so. I could feel my face shifting a little, so that our lips actually touched. I could just barely taste the salty tears that left her dark brown eyes and rolled over her nose to cascade along her lips. But I didn't kiss her. I didn't have it in me to do that. "I'm so scared, Sam. I need you in my life." She didn't seem to mind speaking against my lips like this. I felt one of her hands shift from my shoulder and cup my face. I couldn't even help but lean against her touch and close my eyes. My God, her hands are so soft...

"I missed hearing your voice," I whispered to her, forcing out a laugh. Although I had closed my eyes, a tear or two slipped out and rolled down my cheek. I felt her thumb stroke against my face and catch a tear. No matter what, I wasn't going to tell her about the one-night-stand I had with my new friend Jack. Nope. She'd be pissed beyond belief.

"So are we friends again?" She asked me quietly, threading her free hand through my hair slowly, giving me that trademark Carly smile. I nodded against her hand. "Come on, let's go back to the auditorium then."

Just when we were leaving the bathroom, Principal Franklin came over the PA system, stating that students would be going to their second period classes now. That meant I had to leave Carly. I wasn't ready for that just yet.

"Walk me to my locker?" She asked quietly, letting go of my face and taking a step back. My arms were still around her waist, but she started to remove them, instead holding my hand with laced fingers. I could get used to her breaking me down like this and bringing me back up, even if it was an emotional roller-coaster from hell.

"What about your boyfriend?" I asked cautiously, crinkling my brow in minor disgust.

"What boyfriend," She teased, squeezing my hand. "Don't worry about him. Bros before hoes, right?"

"Always,"


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Don't kill me because this is just a filler chapter again. Thank you everyone for all of the reviews. I keep getting bogged down with SGMAC and the drabbles, as well as real life. I'm going to crank out these chapters as fast as I can and update ASAP.**

**Inspirations: We'll Be A Dream - We the Kings & Demi Lovato; See You In The Dark - Honor Society; Hurry Up and Save Me - Selena Gomez and the Scene.**

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Chapter Eleven: iStill Want to Go to Spain

The past week was almost torture, I swear. I think I was like.. rigged to a Medieval torture device or something. Somehow, Carly helped me get my Spanish grade up. I was able to go on the trip as long as I maintained an 85 average or higher. When Mom was sober, she was proud that I was doing one thing right in my life. But I couldn't accept her kindness, especially when it only happened on the rare occasion that she _wasn't_ drinking. Things at home were getting harder. As much as I was fearing leaving Mom alone in Seattle for ten days, I couldn't wait to go to Spain with Carly. A spring break getaway... yeah, it was like a dream.

Another issue I had to settle was getting the money for the trip's cost. I wouldn't let Carly or Spencer help me. So I got a job and I cleaned my room. When I cleaned my room, which I did alone because I really didn't want Carly to know what I had to do to get the money, I didn't find that much in loose change. I had hoped I'd find a lot. So I decided on getting a part-time job. But even that wasn't enough. Honestly, I don't want to tell anyone what I did to get the damn money. I'm not proud. No, I did not whore myself out, but speculate all you want: I did not spread my legs for cash, end of story.

"You really need to lighten up, Carls. Stop being so tense all the time," I teased, poking her side as we walked into her apartment building. She started to press the button for the elevator but I shook my head, grabbing her hand. "Let's walk. I have too much energy for the elevator,"

"You never have this much energy. Why are you so excited?" She laughed, not letting go of my hand as we walked up the stairs, taking each step carefully and gradually. I felt her squeeze my hand, searching for an answer.

"I don't know," I shrugged but I started tugging her around the corner to the next flight of stairs that we needed to climb. "Maybe because we leave for Spain like... in a week and I haven't packed anything yet!" I grinned to her. To hush her, I had told Carly that Mom let me take money out of her bank account to pay for the trip and I had a job to have spending money. I wasn't even using my paycheck towards anything else. She was even shocked that I was working towards something that I waned so much.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked me for something to eat yet..."

"Well, I'm hungry." I countered back to her. It seemed like forever, but we made it up to her apartment. She had to let go of my hand, so I wanted to be annoying. I stood close behind her, holding her hips and resting my chin on her shoulder. "Carlyyyyy. Feed me."

"Maybe later," She replied lightly, but almost seriously. Oh my goodness. She's fucking serious. Walking into the apartment behind her, I let my backpack fall onto the ground and I settled in on the familiar couch. The pillows smelled heavily like a mixture of Axe and strawberries. The smells of Spencer and Carly mingling and gathering in the fabrics, forever becoming a permanent aroma of this piece of furniture. No matter what, I could never get rid of my extreme affinity for that strawberry scent. It was so intoxicating.

I hadn't realized that my eyes had slightly glazed over when I was burying my face into the pillow, lying on my stomach. When I tried to move, I couldn't. Carly was sitting on my butt, making it impossible for me to shift at all. Sighing, I reached back to swat her and she squealed, but she didn't move. That made me chuckle, then my stomach started to ache from the awkward position I was in.

"Ugh, Carls! I can't move! Come on, get up!" I complained to her. She shifted so that I could roll over onto my back, but she wouldn't let me sit up. She sat on me again, this time on my thighs, and leaned back against the couch. "Come on, I'm starving..." She reached in front of her onto the coffee table and handed me a plate of ham. My brow raised softly. "You know me so well.."

"That I do," She replied from above me as I reached for one of the pieces of ham, taking a bite of it. As hungry as I was, I couldn't even seem to stomach it. I didn't want to eat. All I wanted was to get rid of the damn butterflies that she was causing in my stomach. "Aren't you gonna eat something?"

"I am eating," I told her, showing her the piece of ham that was robbed of a bite. "It's hard to actually stomach copious amounts of food when someone is sitting on you," Carly reluctantly shifted off of me and a smirk grew on her face. I was still lying down on the couch, nibbling at my ham. Of course, she had to be a tease. Of course she did. She wouldn't be Carly Shay if she wasn't going to tease me out of my fucking mind.

Carly laid herself down on top of me. She even took a bite out of the other side of my ham. As much as I wanted to be mad at her, she knew I couldn't do that to her. She knows me too well sometimes.

"It's even harder to eat like this, Carls." I informed her, almost sounding breathless. To cover it up, I took a big bite of my piece of ham. She threaded her fingers slowly through my hair and she knew how much it killed me inside to reject her affections. Well, I hoped she knew the ways she got to me without even trying.

"Do you want me to move?"

"No," I managed to croak out. She smirked to me and kissed my nose lightly, resting her head on my shoulder. Her breath was tickling my neck. I closed my eyes and crammed the rest of that ham into my mouth. It was hard to breathe with this much food in my mouth and Carly this close to me, but I could do it.

I almost choked when I felt her lips brush against my neck. She was speaking, saying something that kind of seemed important. But if Carly wanted me to pay attention to what she was saying, she wouldn't have told me this way. The attention to my neck stopped when she heard the door knob jiggle. It was Spencer, unlocking the door.

Carly jumped and fell off of me, landing on the floor between the coffee table and the couch. I frowned over to her and sat up, helping her to sit on the couch next to me. She held onto my hand and smiled to me.

"I was trying to tell you that Spencer is coming home soon and we should go up to my room so you can help me pack." As the door opened, I felt her hand slip away from mine and she started going into the kitchen. She left me standing alone by the couch, a little dumbfounded.

"Hey hey," Spencer offered gleefully as he carried a box full of junk into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind him. I gave him a questioning look. "I was at the junk yard, getting new materials for a sculpture."

"We're going upstairs to pack for Spain," I heard Carly say and before I could protest, I was being pulled upstairs against my will. Honestly, the packing was boring. She didn't even get naked for me or anything. I am such a pervert. After she was done packing, I told her I had to go home and pack myself. I actually _did_ have to pack, but I really just didn't want to be around her if she was going to be such a tease. Carly fucking Shay, you have a boyfriend, stop teasing me!

We were leaving for Spain in hours and it felt like forever. I just couldn't find the strength to close my eyes. But when my thoughts fell on the fact that I was going to have to endure a long plane ride, I squeezed my eyes shut. I tried to think of something else, of Carly, of some Girls Gone Wild girl losing her bikini and covering herself in whipped cream. I love how easily distracted I can be. Within moments, I fell asleep, wondering how I was ever going to get that whipped cream off of Janessa... or Megan... or Carly. Yeah, Carly.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I'm sorry to all my loyal readers here for the lack of updating. I got really into my other story, Sonny Gave Me A Chance, which is now completed, if you wanna go read that. There's six more chapters (AFTER this one) left of this story. I do have intentions on a sequel, from Carly's POV, but I don't know when I will be getting that planned/written/posted. I'll try to keep you updated.**

Chapter Twelve: iHate Airplanes

Sitting in the airport was a little nerve-racking. It was about three in the morning, on a Saturday. I could be sleeping right now. But no. I wanted to go to fucking Spain with Carly for two weeks. It's far too early for me to be alert right now.

"Sam," I felt a poke to my side. It was Carly, trying to get my attention. I wasn't even listening to what she was saying, but she said something about her buying us coffee and I nodded. Coffee sounded very attractive right now. But when Carly returned and handed me an iced coffee from Starbucks, a swirl of whipped cream poking out of the plastic domed lid, I blinked. "I just got you an iced coffee. The cold will wake you up,"

"And make me cold," I whispered to her, wrinkling my nose. But I took a long sip of the beverage anyhow. I immediately felt something that I had long since recognized as brain freeze, but I knew it didn't actually _freeze_ my brain. It was just the cold creating painful tension in my head, or something smart-sounding like that. I don't give a crap right now; it's too early in the morning to be drinking iced coffee. That's Starbucks for you, open twenty four hours a day, seven days a week at the airport.

Before I could even settle more comfortably into my seat, our Spanish teacher started telling us to grab our carry-on bags and collect our plane tickets. We were to either sit in groups of two or three. Carls and I opted for a group of three, our third being her tag-along of a boyfriend. I don't even remember what his name is anymore. I try not to think about it.

-x-

Boarding the plane was simple. And I wanted the aisle seat. But so did Carly's dick of a boyfriend. Wrinkling my nose, I gave Carly a look. I think she convinced him to sit by the window, but then I had to worry about him getting all cuddly with her where I couldn't see it. Ugh. She knows how much I hate other people hanging all over it. Well, I think she does. I don't know if she knows or not.

The pilot came onto the PA system and welcomed us to the flight, telling us where we were heading. I fastened my seat belt and I saw Carly smile to me out of the corner of my eye. I couldn't help but smile back to her, but weakly. I was still unsure, especially because her boyfriend was around. Ugh. Stupid boy.

Of course, the take off wasn't very smooth, but that was because of some high winds and light drizzle that started to take place as we were on the runway, being lifted into the air after gaining speed. I had never been on a commercial airplane before. Sure, I had been in a cargo plan, when we went to Japan awhile back. That was definitely different. I wasn't strapped down to one seat, unable to move. For some reason, I was just freaked out by the take off. Carly's boyfriend had already fallen asleep, his face pressed up against the plane window.

_Three hours later..._

I. Hate. Flying. In. Airplanes. Holy. Hell.

I know the plane ride is smooth but I can't help but feel so scared being up here. What if there was a terrorist on the flight? What if someone was planning to hijack this plane and crash the damn thing? What if... I was pulled from my thoughts when I felt Carly slip a hand into mine, since my arms were clutching the arm rests beside me.

"Sam, calm down." She whispered, turning her face towards me. I was focused on the back of the head rest in front of me. My eyes were stuck open. I couldn't close them even if I wanted to right now.

"I... I'm fine," I lied to her through ground teeth. I winced when I heard her boyfriend let out a loud snore from a patch of turbulence.

"You're so full of shit," She smiled to me, leaning her head on my shoulder and lacing our fingers. I noticed she had let go of Michael's hand. I remembered his name, ha. That's okay. I've got his girl doting on me. She's more worried about me. I reluctantly turned my head to flash her a smile. I could see that she was shifting her face, trying to brush her lips teasingly against the side of my neck, which made me tense up. Then she lifted her head. We both heard Michael utter her name, trying to grab her attention. His eyes were closed. He didn't see what she had almost just done. For some reason, I don't think cheating on him bothered her, and if it was with me? That's fine in my book, too.

Whatever it was that they started talking about in hushed tones lulled him awake. Then, of course, the stewardess started moving down the aisle to pass out food to us. Both Carly and I opted for the herb and cheese omelette, where her boyfriend opted for the heavier breakfast: the bacon and beans breakfast burrito. I don't know why anyone would ever get beans when on a plane unless they had a death wish. I guess he did. Oh well.

"Hey, I got a question for you." She nudged my side as we started to dig into our food. She had unbuckled her seat belt but I left mine on. I was scared to take it off.

"Okay, what's up?" I asked, taking a large fork full of food and shoveling it into my mouth. Gosh, I was hungry. Eating would distract me from this stupid plane ride around me.

"What's the Mile High Club," I almost choked on my food at her question. I saw her smile and I rolled my eyes to her. "Come on, Sam! Don't laugh at me!"

"It's sex on a plane." Her boyfriend quipped, his voice lacking any kind of emotion. He sounded so bland, talking after he chewed and swallowed his food. Weirdo. What guy actually _has_ manners other than Freddie? Gross.

"Oh. Like, anywhere on the plane?" I nodded to her. She kept her attention on me, seemingly ignoring whatever her boyfriend was saying. I noticed the smirk that danced across her face. I knew that look. Carly Shay had an idea, and if only I knew what it was... I had to look away from her. I couldn't stand that smirk of hers, especially because now I knew what was running through her mind. That's what happens when your best friend happens to be the girl you're madly in love with, and she's as easy to read as an open book hovering in front of your face at the perfect level for reading.

"Let's talk about something else," I mumbled, grabbing my fork to shovel food into my mouth, making it impossible for me to politely answer her. But Carly probably didn't think that would stop me.

My suggestion went off with a bang, but our moving onto another topic led to silence while munching and chomping away at our awkward airplane food. I was the first to finish. There wasn't nearly as much food there as I thought and my stomach was still grumbling when I finished. Carly tried to give me her food but I quietly insisted that she eat it, that she needed it more than I did because I knew if I ate anymore, I'd throw it all back up in the bathroom. That was not something either of us wanted to take place. I reached for the water bottle I had got with my food and chugged about half of it. As much as I didn't like the idea of leaving Carly alone with her boyfriend – she told me that he liked to be very hand's on at times when she just wasn't up for it, and that upset me – I wanted an excuse to have to get up and leave my seat. Going to the bathroom just seemed like a reasonable option. After the stewardess came around to collect our garbage and ask if we needed anything else, like another beverage or something, I was free. Having the aisle seat had many perks.

"Hey, I'll be right back." I whispered over to Carly. Her boyfriend was asleep again. She watched me as I unbuckled my seat belt carefully. I could feel her eyes burning into my face as I fumbled with the metal. Then I felt her hands help me figure out how to unbuckle myself without pinching my fingers or anything. "Thanks,"

"Bathroom run?" She asked and I nodded. I was kind of feeling nauseous in my stomach, but I wasn't sure what exactly it was from: the food or Carly.

"Yeah. I think I drank too much." I noticed she giggled her really cute giggle. Then I saw her unbuckle her seat belt, too. When I stood up, she stood up with me. Whatever. Maybe she had to pee, too? I don't know. I started walking down the aisle and, as we approached the empty seats towards the back of the plane – I loved how we were riding coach seats and we were in like... the tail section of the plane, for serious the ass of the aircraft – I felt hands on my hips and lips brushing against the side of my neck.

"Let's talk," She whispered against my skin. I closed my eyes briefly and let her guide me for all of about six steps or so. Then my eyes opened again and I slipped into a vacant bathroom, pulling Carly with me. When the door closed, I pinned her against her and smirked, turning the little knob on the door to lock us in and the light in the bathroom flickered on. My forehead was leaning on hers, my hands were holding her hips.

"We're talking."

"You pinned me."

"You're hot."

"You don't have to pee, do you?" Finally, she understood me. Finally, we were on the same level! That's when I felt her hands cup my face and pull me in for a rough kiss. And when I say rough, I mean like... a _damn_ I missed kissing Carly like this kiss. It felt like we were kissing forever, and I just wanted to freeze time. It would be a matter of time until her boyfriend woke up and realized we were both missing from our seats. Oh, would he be PISSED if he found out I fucked his girl before he did... _twice_.

I don't know exactly when it happened but somewhere during our kiss, in the small space that we had to work with, Carly turned our positions and pinned me against the door. That made me laugh a little. I felt her lips at my neck. A moan left my lips and I felt my back arch. It had been so long since the shower, since we had been this close to one another. Ever since we started talking again and I found out that she was dating Michael, I kept my distance. I didn't want her to cheat on him, especially with me. She could do so much better. I don't know why she's settling for me, seriously.

Her fingers were leaving my sides, moving towards the button at my jeans. That's when she kissed me again to keep me from verbally protesting her, well... if that's what was going to happen. Instead, I pulled away and tugged playfully at her bottom lip, urging her to stop playing with my jeans button and just... unbutton it already.

"But, Sam..." I could tell that she was nervous. I would be too. Hell, I was nervous the first time in the shower. Why can't we be normal and fuck in a bed? Nope? Do we _have_ to always be standing up to get our hands in each other's pants? Like, what the hell...

"I trust you, Carls." I told her. "If I wanted to join the Mile High Club with anyone, then I'd definitely want it to be you."At that, I could feel her smile growing as she gently pressed her lips to mine. I matched her smile. But she had me beat in the size factor – we're talking about smile here, perverts – when she felt my hands going to her jeans button and zipper, too.

"I'm glad you trust me," She whispered on my lips. But I felt her free hand moving my hand from her jeans button, stopping me. "But it's _your_ turn to lose your equilibrium after you get your brains fucked out of you," She teased and I just rolled my eyes at her smirking. "What?"

"I did not fuck the brains out of you in the shower, Carly Shay." I muttered to her, narrowing my eyes when mine met hers.

"Well we definitely didn't... do that one thing that all the old people say they wanna do," I could tell she was getting nervous. She was letting her guard down. She was giving in. I love when she's so vulnerable like this.

I knew exactly what she meant, too. I shifted my head from the wall and brought my lips close to her ear. "You mean, we didn't make love in the shower, Carly? What a shame," I could feel her body slightly tense at my words, but she nodded nonetheless. She kept on pushing my hand away but I knew she wanted control. I buttoned her jeans back up and carefully zipped them, too. I felt her smile into my neck at the gesture and she dragged her teeth along my skin, making me moan. She knew my weaknesses.

Her fingers skillfully undid my jeans button. When the zipper moved down, I could practically hear it moving downward, her hand moved against my abdomen. I could tell that she was nervous because she was shaking. But I could also feel her smiling against my neck.

"Hey, don't me nervous," I whispered to her, nudging her a little. I felt her lips slide across my cheek until they landed on mine. She was smiling; so was I. "There's nothing you can do that won't be amazing,"

"You flatter me too much," She whispered on my lips, tugging at my bottom lip. She caused me to moan again, and she moaned right back at me. I pulled her closer to me, my fingers curling around her hips to create a bit of friction between us. But she was rejecting me. I knew she was doing it to tease me. Instead, I arched my back a little against the bathroom wall.

"Yeah, but you deserve it." Since when did I get so nice? Ha. Well, okay... I'm always nice to Carly. She started to tease me again, brushing her nose against mine and let her fingers slide down my abdomen. She was seriously playing games now. Her fingers just smoothed over the most sensitive of places and I closed my eyes, leaning my head back on the wall, moaning softly and feeling my chest rise and fall heavily. She smirked against my neck, letting her teeth move across my skin again.

I felt dazed. My eyes were squeezed shut. My mind was reeling. She had me to the point where I just wanted to beg her to finish it off, get me to my peak and just let me settle. But no. She was trying to drag this out and distract me. I knew that's what she was doing.

Her fingers moved easily through slick sensitive areas; I knew because I could feel myself tensing when she did. It was totally different when someone else did something that you were so used to doing on your own. And it was invigorating to have your walls contract around something different, having your moans mingle with those that you had only dreamed about, once upon a time... Carly moaned with me, pressing chaste kisses against my lips to muffle my noises and not disturb anyone who might be perverted and listening, like a stewardess.

I know she wanted me to be the screamer we both know that I could be, but not here, not now. It would attract too much attention to us, and that's not what we wanted right now. She brought me down off of my emotional and physical high. She took her hand from my pants, licked her fingers, and pressed a kiss against my lips. I wrinkled my nose but smiled against her lips. I could tell she wanted something too, but we couldn't risk it now. We were gone long enough as it is. Michael would get suspicious, if he wasn't already. Stupid boys.

She washed her hands in the small sink and dried them with ease. She helped me fix my hair so I looked semi-presentable, not like I was just gently fucked in the bathroom by my not-so-single best friend. Once we seemed to be fine, she opened the door and pulled me out into the small corridor. We were smiling; she was giggling softly.

She pulled us back to our seats. Sure enough, her boyfriend was sleeping. She slipped into her seat and I sat down in mind, buckling my seat belt. No one knew why we had been in the bathroom for so long. It was in silent agreement that if anyone asked, one of us would make up a story and the other would just go along with it. That worked out best for us, most of the time.

Moments after we made it back to our seats, the fasten seat belts light flickered on and she blinked. The pilot came on and told us we had hit a patch of turbulence, which meant some disagreeing weather or something, and we would be landing within the hour. Michael was sleeping still, so she buckled his seat belt for him. The whole time there was turbulence, she held my hand, our fingers laced. Our plane landed in less than an hour. The pilot came onto the loud speaker again, which coaxed Michael to wake up. That's when Carly released my hand and laced her other hand with his. It made me sick inside.

"Welcome to Madrid!" The pilot cheerfully offered, but all I could hear coming out of his mouth was "Welcome to Hell;" oddly enough, I was looking forward to this trip.

**A/N: I like reviews. I like them a lot, especially when I have a massive headache and I'm congested and I feel like shit.**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I'm home, suffering from a terrible onslaught of allergies and I'm catching up on Lost episodes so I can watch the series finale. Sadness. Thank you for the reviews. This is kind of an importantly short filler chapter. It's just to move the plot along. Sorry for the shortness of this chapter.**

Chapter Thirteen: iAm Single Again

Our first day in Spain was tiring and relaxing. I spent most of the day with Carly and it turns out, we were sharing a room, too. That was a terrible idea. It was us and two other girls that I didn't care to learn the names of. I spent the day by Carly's side, her hand occasionally falling into mine and our fingers lacing momentarily. But then she would fidget and feel the need to cross her arms over her chest. She would furrow her brow a little and wrinkle her nose in the cutest way possible. She had a way of making my stomach flip and my heart race without even trying to do it.

Carly's act of occasionally holding my hand kept up for the next four days or so. It wasn't until day five of our trip that she pulled me into the bathroom with her, saying that she needed my help with her hair. The other girls in our room didn't seem to care much.

"Carls, what the hell..." I only had my pants on halfway when she pulled me into the bathroom and before I could completely button my jeans, she had me pinned gently against the bathroom door. "What are you doing,"

"We need to talk,"

"We're talking," I replied to her, and she rolled her eyes at me, letting go of me. But my back was still pressed against the door. I couldn't move. I watched her sigh and she folded her arms over her chest again, leaning the small of her back on the sink counter, looking away from me. Something had come over her. She wasn't quite the same, she was nervous about something but I just couldn't place it.

"Sam, I can't _do_ this." She began and I already knew what she was talking about. I knew that she meant it was me and that she wanted to stay with Michael and this was going to be the end of our friendship. "I don't like cheating on him like this."

"So break up with him," I whispered, breathing unevenly. She was trying to make this easy for both of us. I could tell. That's just how Carly is. She tries to make nice with everyone whenever possible. Sometimes, it just doesn't work out that way, like right now. No one can win in this situation. Well, Michael can. But neither Carly or myself can win.

"I can't do that and you know that I can't, Samantha." Oh, she was using my full name now? Fuck. I'm screwed. There's no way of getting around this. But she knows I need her in my life. I don't know if she knows the full extent of it. Honestly, I don't think she wants to know the full extent of it.

I bit my lip and nodded slightly to her, forcing a laugh. "So this is it, huh?" I asked. "This is the end of... all of it?"

"We can still be friends..."

"Yeah fucking right," I muttered to her, threading my fingers through my hair slowly.

"Sam, come on... we've been through worse than this,"

"I have but you haven't." She shot me questioning look. I rolled my eyes to her. Now or never, I told myself; I have to do it now. "I've done... a lot of thinking, Carls, and..." This is so much more stressful than I thought it would be. She gave me a perplexed look now. I knew she was curious as to what the hell I was talking about. I needed to just get to the point. "I love you," My voice sounded so weak and so broken, but I had to keep my facade. I had to keep my ground.

"I love you too, Sam."

"No, no... Carly, I'm _in_ love with you." I noticed how her body stiffened at my words. That made me force a smile. I drew in a deep breath and turned my back to her, turning the knob to pull the door open. "Do you still need any help with your hair,"

"I think I can handle it, thanks." She replied, her voice as weak as mine had been only moments ago. I nodded slightly to her and moved out of the bathroom, pulling the door closed behind me. The other two girls were watching television. I slipped out onto the balcony that our room had and closed the sliding glass door behind me. My eyes focused on the lovely scenery of Madrid beneath us. It was magnificent and so beautiful, stunning... My hands gripped the cold metal railing tightly as I leaned over. I felt like I just wanted to jump. That's what she did to me. She made me think.

-x-

Day seven in Spain. I haven't so much as spoken a word to Carly, other than good morning or good night. We are still sleeping in the same bed and she still cuddles up to me in her sleep. I still put my arms around her when she curls her head into my chest and falls asleep with a smile pulled across her face. She rejected me because she's scared. That's all it is. She's terrified.

Today we were having breakfast at this fancy place across the street from the hotel we were staying in. Carly sat next to me. The whole time during breakfast, she was holding my hand under the table, making it almost impossible for me to eat. I am not left handed and she had my right hand in her left. Luckily, her boyfriend was across the dining hall and he couldn't see her antics. I'm a little upset with her. She's giving me mixed signals.

After breakfast, she wouldn't let go of my hand. I didn't mind. I squeezed her hand and she squeezed mine right back. I couldn't help but smile. She was getting to me again. I pulled her aside when we stopped at a strip mall of sorts and we stood alone in a somewhat dark alleyway in between shops.

"What is your fucking deal," I spat to her and she released my hand.

"I missed you,"

"I didn't go anywhere, Carls. I'm not going anywhere." I reassured her, folding my arms over my chest. I felt her arms wrap around me and she pulled me into a tight hug. My arms wrapped around her as well, keeping her close. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and smiled widely.

"Good, because I would be so upset if you left me." She replied, her words catching in my ear but they were directed at my hair. I knew she was smelling my hair. I didn't mind. It smelled just like hers and I hope she realized that. I hope she knew that I had started using her shampoo because I missed how close we had been.

We stayed like this for what felt like ages. I was the first to pull away, but she was the first of us to smile. She held me close and I pushed hair out of her face, tucking it behind her ears carefully. She leaned her forehead on mine and I matched her smile.

"Can I ask you something, Carly?" She nodded, her eyes closing. I noticed that her smile didn't falter. "Will you go on a date with me? Like, a real date?" I bit my bottom lip slightly and she nodded against my head again.

"Yeah," She replied softly. I could practically hear her smile widening. "You wanna do breakfast, lunch, or dinner?" She asked.

"Dinner, tomorrow night," I told her. "The café down the road from the hotel, on the corner." I continued speaking. But we had to break apart. We couldn't stay in this moment forever. Time just didn't allow it. Maybe time just wouldn't allow us to be together either. Only time could tell what our future could hold now.

**A/N: Watched about two Lost episodes and I have a massive headache. I feel a lot better now than I did before, but I'm still really blegh. Keep reviewing and I'll keep cranking out the chapters!**


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter Fourteen: iBought You Something

I feel so awkward right now. I'm sitting in this café, drumming my fingers against the table, and I'm wearing a dress. I am willingly wearing a little red dress. Last night, when we were swimming in the hotel's pool with a bunch of our other classmates, Carly had pulled me aside to tell me that she liked me in red. I haven't seen her since this morning, but I went off with some of our other classmates and shopped a little. I found this red dress on sale, so I bought it; it matched the black flats I had brought along.

I told Carly to meet me here at seven. We had the option to join everyone else for dinner, as a group, or go off on our own. We were in the small percentage who went off on their own. There were a few other couples who went alone. Carly's boyfriend tried to get her to go out tonight but she insisted that it was girls night and that she spend dinner with me. Hearing that conversation on the bus ride back from the play that we saw two nights ago was enough to send me into a fit of stomach butterflies.

We only have four more days in Spain. I'm kind of bummed. But I had this night planned out. I knew that the group wouldn't be back from dinner and dancing until late – around ten or eleven – so we would have the hotel room to ourselves. Our roommates had gone with the rest of the group.

I drew in a deep breath, my fingers tapping out random beats against the small tiles in the table. It was a mosaic like pattern, beautiful really. I felt hands cup over my face and I instantly smiled. Her breath tickled my ear and she giggled. I knew that laugh anywhere.

"Guess who," She whispered, playfully tugging at my ear. Turns out that Europeans are very open with public displays of affection, so it doesn't really matter what we do, long as we keep things classy.

"The love of my life? No, it's just you, Shay." I teased and she playfully swatted at my shoulder, slipping into the seat across from me. She was wearing a little black dress, very similar to mine. I had my hair pulled back. She had her hair down, curled slightly and cascading beautifully over her shoulders. "I'm kidding. You look gorgeous,"

"You're wearing a dress," Carly bit her lip after she spoke and tucked some of her hair behind her ear. She made my stomach flip from how incredibly gorgeous she looked. My mind was reeling back to the way she had looked that night in the shower. I wanted that again. I missed having Carly at my mercy, but I have to admit... she is _so _hot when she's in control.

"I get dressed up for special occasions. Going on a real date with you is a special occasion," I shrugged; I heard Carly suck in a breath. "So... they don't have waiters or anything..." I started to get out of my chair and move around the table to help Carly up out of hers. She was so much taller than me in her heels, but it's okay. She looked gorgeous. I wrapped my arm around her waist and she pulled me, leading me... not towards the counter, but the door. "C-carls, where are we going?"

"An adventure," I tugged at her arm and she stopped, turning to face me. "I know you had this night planned out, but... I wanted to show you something." I was reluctant, and my stomach was grumbling, but I nodded to her.

We were back in our hotel, but we were climbing a new staircase. We took the elevator to the top floor, but these stairs didn't really seem like they were supposed to be used by us. It seemed like they were one of those employee only routes, but I didn't really care. Carly turned around to look at me, smiling wide, before she pushed the door open with a little force.

We were greeted by a swift breeze and a calm evening sky. The sun was close to setting and the stars were just starting to twinkle in the darkening sky. It was the most beautiful horizon I had ever seen; it was even comparable to the swirling gray clouds after a rain storm in Seattle. Carly pulled me outside and shut the door behind us. She pulled me over to the building's edge then she let go of my hand. I watched her fingers curl around the stone edge and the smile on her face grow greatly in size.

"Carls, why are we up here on the roof of the hotel?" I asked. I wasn't able to get into it like she was. My fingers weren't curled around the stone edge. My heart was racing, awaiting an answer from her. Was she nervous? Did she not want to be seen in public with me or something? I don't know. Maybe she was paranoid that her boyfriend would find us. I mean, if she had actually _cared_ about him, maybe she wouldn't be on a date with me.

"Because I wanted to give you something, a gift," She told me, fishing something out of the clutch purse that she had been holding. Since when was she holding a purse? I can't used to this, really. She handed me a velvety red box and I felt my stomach grow weak. "Just open it, Sam. I swear, you'll love it,"

I was reluctant but I wrinkled my nose, opening the box. My eyes settled on a silver chain necklace with a thin silver heart charm. It made my smile grow in size, but my smile was still quite small anyhow. It wasn't something so elaborate that I would feel weird about wearing it all the time and I think that's the reason why Carly bought it for me.

"I love it," My voice was quiet and almost broken, but my face was delightful. I noticed Carly had turned to face me and took a step closer as I lifted the necklace from the box. She took it from my fingers and made a head motion for me to turn around. I lifted my hair from the back of my neck and let Carly fix the chain into place around my neck. But she was fumbling with her fingers as she tried to clasp the necklace, letting her fingertips graze along my skin. It made my stomach tingle in delight.

As I let my hair fall against my neck, I felt Carly snake her arms around my waist and I couldn't help but lean against her, closing my eyes. She leaned her face into my hair and I could feel her breathing against my head. It was relaxing. I think she had closed her eyes, too. We stayed like this until I opened my eyes and the sun had set against the horizon, leaving us in something resembling twilight approaching darkness. I turned around in her arms and she lifted her head from my hair. I was practically a whole head shorter than her at the moment which set me at a great disadvantage.

"Why are you here with me," I asked her, wrapping my arms around her back and resting my head on her shoulder. But my lips ended up moving somewhere near her neck anyhow.

"You're my best friend, Sam. Why wouldn't I be here with you?" She replied softly, but I shook my head, giggling softly.

"Not what I meant; why are you on a date with me, and not your boyfriend? Best friends don't go on dates when one of them is not single,"

I felt her arms tighten around my waist so I nuzzled into her neck lightly, closing my eyes. I still don't think she gave me a verbal answer, but we stayed like this for awhile. I wasn't even hungry anymore. I was concerned with keeping the butterflies in my stomach at bay. They were tickling every corner of my insides.

After almost an hour, we headed downstairs and made our way through the hotel to our room. We changed into pajamas and decided on an early night. No, we did not shower together. The last thing we wanted to have happen was be in the shower together and have our other two roommates return from their dinner outing with the rest of the group. That would be terrible for both of us, especially Carly and the unstable relationship she already had with her boyfriend. I can't really say I'm jealous because Carly spends more time with me than with him, but I don't like him hanging around and being on her when he is around.

"Sam," We were lying in bed and Carly had just turned off the television, turning onto her stomach and keeping her head so she could see me. I was on my side facing her. "Do you want to know why I stayed with you today and didn't have dinner with Michael and the rest of the group?" I nodded silently to her, my eyes starting to close. I was getting sleepy and fast. I knew she had leaned closer, especially when I felt her lips on my forehead. That made my eyes close completely. "Not only are you my best friend," She began and I felt my heart start to sink, then she moved her lips to just lightly graze along mine as she spoke. "But you've managed to get me to fall in love with you, and I don't want to fall out of this feeling." She tugged at my bottom lip after she spoke, silently asking for a kiss. I gave her a brief kiss, but only because I was half asleep. I felt her shift on the bed and I wrapped an arm around her waist, curling against her chest and falling asleep listening to her heart beat into my ear. I don't know if she fell asleep or not, but I know that I fell asleep and slept the best I ever had on this trip.

-x-

I'm starting to lose track of how many days I have been out of the country and sneaking around with Carly. Our date yesterday was relaxing and moved at a much slower pace than we usually move at. But oddly, I don't care. I loved falling asleep in her arms and I loved waking up next to her ever more. However, when we had to go to breakfast with everyone else, I wasn't pleased to be stuck sitting across from Carly and next to someone I didn't care to learn the name of. But he kept trying to hold my hand at the table. I almost stabbed him with my butter knife and I think Carly kept shooting daggers at him.

Michael was holding her hand under the table, and I saw how she kept jerking her arm away from him, trying to let go of his hand. She kept playfully kicking me, trying to play footsies under the table with me. I would scowl playfully at her whenever she did this and she would just smile brightly. After breakfast, we broke apart for about an hour or something before we had to re-group and board a bus: we were going on a tour of museums today or something like that, something intellectual.

"So, hey, I have a question for you." Carly nudged me in the size as she settled in the empty seat next to me on the bus. Michael, who was hot on her heels, slumped into an empty seat about four rows behind us. He was sad that he couldn't sit with Carly but I have no control over that. Sorry, dude.

"Okay, shoot." I replied to her casually. I shrugged and leaned my head on the window. I don't really like museums. They get boring after awhile.

"How did you manage to get the money for this trip?" She whispered. I whipped my head around and tried not to let my jaw drop. I drew in a sharp breath and shook my head.

"Don't worry about it, Carls." I told her. I didn't want to tell her what I had to do to be able to spend this time with her in a foreign land. Whatever I did was in the past and I did not want to talk about it anymore. I did not want to deal with it. It's done and over with. "Let's not talk about that, okay?" She was going to say something but I shook my head, turning towards her a little more. "No, I don't want to have this conversation right now. Another time, maybe; not here, not now... not when everyone can hear us," I confessed quietly and she nodded.

"Fair enough, but you owe me an explanation." Did she know more than I thought she knew already? What the hell, Carly!

**A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to update. I'm starting to get busy with end-of-the-school-year activities and whatnot. I'll try to get the last few chapters typed and posted in all of my spare time possible, well all the time not devoted to plans or sleeping. Also, keep an eye out for a shorter story I'm going to post from Carly's POV – NOT THE SECOND PART OF THIS STORY – that I'm going to plan out and type up quickly. It should be up by next week, but I'm not sure. Keep reviewing! I love reviews!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Title credit goes to my BFFL Jethro, who only gets to read this story when I decide to print out the chapters for him, we go to the library in school, or I copy the word files for him onto my jump drive. He's helped me with a lot of the planning in this story and constantly urges me to keep writing. Love you boy, as annoying as you get.**

Chapter Fifteen: iDrag It Out Of You

Sometimes I just don't know _how_ or _why_ she does the things she does. But I knew why Carly was giving me the silent treatment as we packed up all of our things and headed out of the hotel. I knew exactly why she was giving me subtly dirty looks, by her standards, and sticking close to her boyfriend. Today was the day that we got back on the plane and made our way back to Seattle. I wouldn't tell her where I got the money for the trip. I didn't want to tell her what I had to subject myself to. She would be upset with me. Well, no: she would be glad that I told her the truth and upset that I did what I did, but reassured that I would never do it again. Carly has a strange way of accepting me. It changes just about every time I bring something new to our relationship, whether it be our friendship or that extra thing we have going that just... uh, doesn't have any kind of label attached to it.

It was tortuous watching Carly rest her head on Michael's shoulder instead of mine. But I couldn't do anything about it. Right now, I was alone. We were sitting in the waiting terminal at the airport, just waiting for our plane to come in. Some people had breakfast sandwiches and coffees, but I couldn't stand to eat right now. I felt sick to my stomach. I couldn't even look at Carly right now. I mean, yeah, she's my best friend and I should be happy for her when she's happy, but we're kind of fighting. I mean, it's not like a full on verbal fight, it's just an unspoken ordeal where she just won't talk to me unless I speak up to her.

Our plane wheeled into the terminal and we grabbed our carry on bags, heading for the entrance to the stretched out hallway leading to the plane. Again, we were doomed to the tail end of the plane, strictly riding coach. No one really seemed to care. A lot of people were happy to be going home but there was the small group of hardcore travelers that just didn't want to leave this new country. I was stuck sitting next to Carls again, and I say stuck because we weren't on speaking terms so it was going to be hard.

Michael filed in to the window seat, putting Carly between us. That was fine by me. I knew we weren't going to have a secret rendevous in the bathroom, though I would totally love a round two with her right now, but I really wish we would be able to talk. I miss not talking to Carls already and it hasn't even been that long. She just started ignoring me this morning. Was it because I woke up before her and hopped in the shower maybe? I don't know. I did kiss her on the forehead before I took my shower and she did stir, but she didn't completely wake up. Ever since our date, we had been sneaking kisses constantly. She would purposely slip into the bathroom when I was getting in the shower, or she'd pull me into the bathroom and pin me against the door. Later, she would just tell the other girls in our room that she needed my help with the shower again or wanted my help with her hair. They bought it. They practically ate it up.

We were about an hour or so into the flight and Michael was sound asleep. Carly was watching whatever movie was playing but when she took off the headphones, I knew it wasn't worth watching. I had my hands resting on the arm rests, including the one that I shared with Carly, but I felt her hand slide into mine, our fingers lacing. It's now or never. I squeezed her hand and shifted a little; I even unbuckled my seat belt, which made Carly weakly gasp. I think she was just mocking me, though.

"I withdrew money from my mom's checking account and I sold some of my stuff to get the money for the trip." That was truthful. I took a couple hundred dollars from Mom's account after she cashed her paycheck. She doesn't even balance her checkbook regularly so I'm sure she won't miss it too much. And if she ever decides to sober up, I'll tell her I took the money and pay her back when I can get a job. I sold some old CDs and movies I had, and I sold my stereo system. I rarely used it anyway. I was still short, though. That's when I started searching through Mom's stuff. I found a stash of drugs, which I looked upon curiously and then I decided to sell them. I know I was being an enabler for young people, but I don't care. I'm selfish. I also sifted through some of the jewelry I had gained over the years from now estranged relatives and to my dismay, none of it was real.

It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders and my chest when I told Carly the truth. She didn't verbally respond to me. I saw her head turn away from me. Either she was looking out the window or checking to see if Michael was truly sleeping. Then she turned her head and pressed a kiss to my cheek, a lingering one. I could feel her smiling against my face. That's always a good thing, when she's smiling at me. She squeezed my hand too. Then she rested her head on my shoulder.

I ended up falling asleep with my head resting above Carly's. I even skipped the one meal that we were served on the plane. But it's okay. I had my best friend back. I mean, yeah, things were going to be a little tense between us but we were getting better. We were fixing our relationship everyday, little by little. When the plane landed in Seattle, I woke up first and put my seat belt on straight away. I made sure that Carly's was on too and she squeezed my hand.

"Are we in Seattle yet?" She asked softly. I kissed her hair and smiled softly.

"I think we're getting close. We didn't land yet, though," I told her quietly and she nodded against my shoulder, staying close. She squeezed my hand again.

"Are you going home when we get back to Seattle?" Her voice sounded quiet and I weakly shrugged. "If you don't feel up to going home, you can stay with me." I knew I was going to miss cuddling with Carly if I went home so I nodded.

"I don't think Mom would even remember that I'm coming home today," I informed quietly. Carly lifted her head from my shoulder and glanced over to Michael again. I looked away from her, keeping my eyes on the second movie that was still rolling. It was nearing the credits, I think, because I saw people starting to take their headphones off. That's when she caught me off guard. It didn't really matter because a lot of the people around us were sleeping or people we didn't know. With her free hand, Carly held my chin and caught my lips with her own. It was a short kiss but it made my lips feel all tingly.

"Thank you for telling me the truth," She told me quietly, pecking my cheek again. Moments after she settled into her seat again, Michael started stirring so she released my hand and I folded my arms over my chest. Then our plane landed. That meant that I could go back to sleep and in a familiar bed. Well, the bed that Carly and I had shared in Spain became very much like home, as long as I was in her arms or she was in my arms.

When we had our carry on bags and were heading off of the plane, and after we went through customs, we made our way downstairs to the luggage pick up area. Michael found his luggage and, although he wanted to stay and wait for Carly and I to get our suitcases from the carousel, Carly urged him to go home and spend time with his family, who probably missed him. She didn't really seem like she wanted anything to do with him, to be completely honest. As soon as Michael was gone, I felt her arm wrap around my shoulders. I wish she was holding my waist instead, but this was keeping my butterflies at bay right now.

"So, what exactly are we?" I asked her softly, turning my head to look at her. Out of the corner of my eye, I was still watching the carousel, paying subtle attention to look for our suitcases and be sure to grab them if need be.

"What do you want to be," She whispered back to me. Her eyes were glued to the carousel and I turned my head so that mine were as well. I drew in a deep breath.

"You know what I want to be, Carls." I informed her and she nodded weakly.

"No labels, okay?" She told me. "Labels are for soup cans, not people." She smiled brightly, taking her arm from around me and walking towards the carousel, grabbing her suitcase off of the conveyor belt. Moments later, I spotted my own suitcase and I lugged it off of the conveyor belt but someone was helping me.

"Lemme help you with that," I knew that voice anywhere, even if I didn't want to know it sometimes, especially when that voice was delivering flirts to my Carly.

"Benson," I muttered, forcing a smile.

"Puckett," He replied just as quietly. Once my suitcase was off the conveyor, I stepped forward and gave him a short hug. He offered to carry my suitcase for me, which I didn't object to him doing. When we turned around, Carly was talking to Spencer, who was carrying her suitcase for her as well. She came to stand next to me. The guys walked ahead of us, leading us to wherever Spencer had parked the car, while Carly and I walked several paces behind them, keeping Freddie and Spencer in our line of sight.

While we were walking back to the car, Carly slid her hand into mine. She didn't lace our fingers though, but that was fine with me. Freddie rode shotgun and he and Spencer seemed talk the whole ride back to the familiar apartment building in Seattle. I ended up falling asleep on Carly in the car and she woke me up by scaring me half to death with a kiss against my neck. Apparently we were alone in the car when she did that and I was mumbling her name in my sleep, but only she could hear me because Freddie and Spencer were too busy talking to one another in the front of the car.

"Let's go take a nap in my room, okay?" I nodded quietly to her and she pulled me into the elevator. We headed into her bedroom and she closed the door behind us. She led me to her bed and pulled back the blankets, insisting I get into bed first. I curled against her immediately and she giggled, threading her fingers through my hair slowly.

I fell asleep after a few minutes, trying to tell myself that I was awake and falling asleep, not already dreaming and dooming myself to wake up from this wonderful dream. That would suck _so much_ if I woke up and all of this, I mean everything that I've been through with Carly, was just one big fucked up dream and I was like... a semi-conscious vegetable in the hospital. That would be terrible. That would mean I could never have sex again. Oh my gosh. I would never be able to eat real food again if I was a vegetable.

"Carls, if I ever get into a really bad accident, promise me that you won't let me become a vegetable... no matter _how_ bad off I am,"

"You got it, kid." She replied, kissing my forehead. "Go to sleep; you're tired."


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen: iNeed Better Locks

We've been home from Spain for almost five days and periodically, Carly will pull me into a bathroom stall in between classes or during lunch to make out with me. I didn't mind. It was interesting, to be completely honest. She hadn't been walked to class by her boyfriend since we returned from Europe. They weren't fighting but I didn't think they would stay together too much longer. I'm getting worried about Carly. She's putting a lot of stress on herself by keeping Michael around and sneaking around with me.

Today was like most days. I had answered a text message from Carls, one that said to meet her by her locker and that's where I was. When a teacher who I didn't recognize walked by, I flashed my hall pass at him and pretended to be struggling with my locker, when I was really pretending to break into Carly's locker. That's when I felt hands on my waist and I smiled. I knew who it was by the breath tickling my neck already. Before I could even turn or protest, she grabbed my hand, the one not holding the hall pass, and tugged me into the nearest bathroom stall, pinning me against the door and latching the lock.

"Where were you this morning?" She asked me quietly, moving her lips along my neck while my eyes slipped shut. I forced a laugh.

"My bus had a flat tire or whatever and we had to wait until another bus could come get us. It's an excused late, so no worries," I replied, threading my fingers through her hair slowly.

"Um, yes worries. I missed you this morning," Carly complained sweetly, pulling back and pressing her lips against mine briefly, leaning our foreheads together. "This is why you should have come over last night when we were on the phone,"

"Maybe if I didn't fall asleep on you last night, I might have been able to sneak in your window. I don't think Spencer would have let me in at one in the morning, Carls," I replied and she caught my lips again, keeping me from saying anything else. Taking my fingers out of her hair, I slipped my hand into one of her back pockets of her jeans, pushing her closer to me. I felt her hips grind slightly against mine and it made me smirk. "I'll come over tonight,"

"Not tonight. Michael is coming over tonight." She muttered, sighing and almost rolling her eyes. "Spencer invited him to dinner..."

"So let him have dinner with Spencer and have sex with me in the shower again," I teased but she bit my bottom lip.

"We should really try doing that in a bed, you know..."

"You're right," I agreed and she kissed me again. "So I'm coming home with you after school, okay?" She nodded against my head. "I gotta go back to class. I have to go bull shit a presentation on the French Revolution,"

"Sounds like bundles of fun... can I walk you back to class?" She unlocked the bathroom stall door and led us to the door of the bathroom and I shrugged.

"If you want Michael to know we were fooling around in the bathroom, sure, you can. He's in my class, remember?" I reminded her and she shrugged weakly. I had a feeling she was going to break up with him soon but I didn't want to press her. She's my best friend, so naturally, I should encourage her, but I don't want to make it seem like I'm jealous, even if I am. Well, there's not much to be jealous of though. He doesn't put out and she doesn't flirt with him around me anymore.

"Good point. I'll see you at lunch." She cupped my face to give me one last kiss and we broke apart. I watched her turn the corner and wave to me, then I slipped back into my classroom, setting the hall pass back in its respective place and sliding into my seat. Now I had something to look forward to at the end of the day. Fantastic.

-x-

When the end of the day finally rolled around, it felt as if the day had been stretched out just to torment me and make my school day hell before I could go home with Carly. I made my way to her locker, where she was surprisingly standing alone. I leaned my back against the closed lockers and smiled to her. Carly was putting her books away into her locker and stowing her back safely in the locker. I turned a little and started to put my own books away, the ones I actually decided to carry around for a change.

"I got a text from Spencer after lunch," She started explaining to me. "He said that he's going to be home around dinner time and said you can spend the night, if you wanted..."

"But I thought it was your night with Michael at dinner," I watched her close her locker as I spoke and she shrugged. "Carls, don't let my lack of a personal life ruin your relation – "

"Sam, it's fine." She explained, her voice soft. "He's grounded and he isn't allowed to come over now anyway. Something about failing Spanish... perfect timing to fail, right _after_ the trip, right?" She forced the laughter that left her lips. I could tell. She reached for my hand and pulled me out of the school building. We walked the short distance to the bus stop and took a public bus to the stop a block away from her apartment building. I didn't mind walking and riding the bus with Carly, especially because the school buses sucked and kids were so obnoxious on them. The public buses were definitely dirtier, but quieter. That's what I liked about the public transportation in this city.

When we were riding the bus for about fifteen minutes, Carly had tugged me into a two person seat. She set my hand on her thigh, palm up, and drew shapes on my palm with her fingertips. She drew circles and squares, diamonds and pentagons, and hearts. I like the way she draws her hearts. They are drawn in one continuous motion, not stopping midway and drawing the other side to make them symmetrical. She rested her head on my shoulder as she traced her shapes in my palm. Then when our stop came, she pulled me off the bus with ease. We were acting like a couple, holding hands and smiling brightly at one another. The moment we stepped into her apartment, though, the mood shifted drastically, and definitely in my favor.

As soon as Carly turned her key in the knob, she squeezed my hand with hers and pulled me into her apartment. She set her keys door and closed the door behind us, locking us in, as she was always instructed to do whenever Spencer wasn't home. Then, almost in an instant, she crashed our lips together. I almost stumbled in where I stood, but I steadied myself by putting my hands on her hips, pulling her close to me. She didn't really seem to mind much.

We migrated towards the couch, where I landed on top of Carly, staggering our legs to crash our hips together in a slow rhythm. But I knew she wanted more. I could hear her moaning into the kiss and grinding her hips up into mine, threading her fingers through my hair slowly and starting to tug innocently. When I felt the pulling at my locks, I hesitantly pulled back from the kiss, my eyes closed and my forehead on Carly's, a goofy smile strung across my face.

"Is this really what you had in mind for me coming over today?" I asked curiously, letting her soft laughter fill my ears as I leaned in for a chaste kiss.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't... what does it matter?" She asked back. I felt her fingers moving underneath my shirt and before I could say anything else to her, she dragged her nails down my skin, causing me to moan against her lips. I felt her smirk up at me. She knew what she was doing.

"Let's go upstairs," I suggested and she nodded in agreement. I climbed off of her, offering a hand to help her up from the couch. She took it and slipped off her sneakers. I did the same with mine, leaving them by the couch. I led Carly upstairs to the room that we had come to know as the iCarly studio. It was very familiar territory to us both. Honestly, I was happy that the race car couch had been upgraded for a bed, because I loved sleeping in that bed with Carly whenever I crashed here.

We didn't bother turning on the lights as we made our way into the room. I closed the door behind us, and watched Carly's smile grow as she pulled me towards the bed we had watched so many movies in and cuddled on so many nights. There was just something in the way her lips felt against mine today as our steps moved across the room. Once Carly lowered herself to sit on the edge of the bed, I climbed onto her thighs, straddling her lap and holding her face with my hands.

"You look cute today," I whispered against her lips, grinning to her. She walked her fingers along my legs. I could feel heat radiating off her face; she was blushing. I didn't have to look at her to know that one.

"I thought I looked cute _everyday_," She countered softly.

"You do. But today you looked especially cute," I informed her, keeping to the softness in voices. She tugged at my bottom lip. I knew what that meant. She wanted another kiss. That's fine by me; I love kissing Carly Shay. It's almost addicting.

In one fluid motion, she leaned back and flipped us, putting her on top. She had me pinned down to the bed, my hands held above our heads and her hips grinding just gently down into mine. Gosh, she was amazing. I don't understand how she can get away with doing things like this when she clearly has a boyfriend. Then, of course, our fun had to get ruined...

The door opened and before she could pull away to see who it was, Spencer was just standing there, his expression blankly curious but shocked nonetheless.

"I, uh..." He stammered. She climbed off of me and I sat up, running a hand through my hair slowly. I bowed my head weakly, forcing a smile. "I came home early," He offered meekly. "Carly, can I speak to you... uh, downstairs?" He weakly shrugged and gave me a half apologetic look, but I understood why I wasn't allowed to be in the conversation. That's perfectly fine with me, though. I don't like tense conversations. They are too... uh, tense.

"Yeah," She nodded to him and he slipped into the hallway. Carly turned her head and gave me a smile, kissing the corner of my lips. "No matter what, you're sleeping over tonight; no exceptions," She whispered to me, pecking my cheek lovingly. Then she got up. I didn't say anything to her. Why? Because I could not find my voice to respond to her verbally.

I didn't want to eavesdrop on the conversation between Carly and Spencer. That would be rude, especially after all they had done for me. Whenever I needed somewhere to go, they welcomed me with open arms. I know I've fallen hard for Carly, and I know that if she didn't return my feelings on some level, I would be a wreck without her. I really do love her a lot.

"I'm not upset that you're... doing what you're doing with Sam," I heard Spencer say to something that Carly must have mumbled. "But the fact that you're still dating Michael..."

"Yeah, well I really don't want to be dating him anymore." She replied to her brother. That uplifted my spirits some. Does that mean she only wants to be with me? Score! "I was going to break up with him but then _someone_ had to go an invite him to dinner," She complained. I could just imagine the look on her face right now.

Spencer just sighed to her. I hoped he was smiling. I'm glad he was taking this so well. "How long have you and Sam been... uh, more than just best friends?"

"Not nearly long enough," I muttered to myself, folding my arms over my chest as I waited for Carly's response.

"Spain," She replied to her brother. "It's all Europe's fault," She chuckled at her words. I'm glad she didn't tell him we had sex; I'm sure he would have flipped out that his little sister was getting more than he was.

I couldn't hear much more of their conversation, so I laid back against the bed, staring up at the ceiling. I was getting lost in my thoughts at the moment. What if Spencer didn't approve of whatever Carly and I were? I mean, he sounded upset with her, but he wasn't blowing things up. That's good, I suppose. He seemed very relaxed when he was talking to her.

Before I could get too lost in my thoughts, I heard the door open and close carefully. I sat up, my arms folding over my chest. Carly was biting her bottom lip. I wasn't sure if she was trying not to cry or trying not to smile.

"So, what's up?" I asked curiously and she smiled back to me softly.

"He's not happy that I'm still with Michael and... fooling around with you, but he's happy that I'm happy with you." She informed me, sitting down beside me. I looked over to her and blinked some.

"If you're so happy with me, then why are you still with Michael," I asked, my voice sounding flat and lacking emotion that it probably should have held.

"It doesn't matter because I'm breaking up with him anyway. I was going to today, but he said he was grounded and that he was bummed he couldn't have dinner with Spencer and I... I felt bad,"

"Your heart is too big, Carls." I teased her, kissing her cheek. She yawned softly and leaned back on the bed, pulling me down with her. "What? I tired you out already?"

"Psh, I'm waiting on round two, Puckett." She informed, allowing me to shift on top of her. She held me above her, keeping us close. I caught her lips softly, but I didn't want to get too involved anymore. I'm getting sleepy, I'll admit it. But I wanna be able to cuddle with Carls. She's very comfortable to cuddle with, believe it or not, and I found that out in Spain, after our magnificent date. Since our date, things seemed to be looking up for us.

"Mm, maybe in the morning; I'm getting tired," I whispered against her neck, dragging my lips up to her ear and smiling. "I kind of just want to cuddle with you," I admitted quietly. I felt her fingers curl around my hips and she shifted to catch my lips.

"Why are you sex crazed one minute and a complete romantic the next?"

"Because I'm in love and that's what happens when you're in love: you're emotions of very roller coaster like," I explained to her and she let me shift off of her. I laid next to her on my side and she turned on her side, pulling my arm around her waist and pressing her back into my chest. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent that was coated in her hair.

"So, I really am the love of your life, huh.." Carly let her words trailed off. She turned her head a little to give me a broad smile before falling asleep in my arms. It took me forever to close my eyes and stop focusing on how beautiful she looked while she was sleeping.

"Yeah, Shay... you're it for me, kid." I kissed her hair before nestling into her, closing my eyes, and letting sleep find me for the night. Morning would come soon enough.

-x-

Much to my dislike, we had school the next day. I honestly have to say that waking up in Carly's arms, in Carly's bed (in theory), was one of the most stress relieving things that could ever happen to me. That is, until I remembered she still had a boyfriend and he called her this morning. I didn't hear the whole conversation but it was something about wanting to talk to Carly when we all got to school. I didn't hear my name littered into the conversation; I guess she didn't care to tell him that I spent the night. After all, we are best friends. She doesn't have to report to her boyfriend what she's doing.

Spencer opted for driving us to school, but when Carly went to climb into the back seat with me, he shook his head. He wanted her sitting up front. That's fine. I sat in the seat behind her so that I could reach her if I needed to reach her. The drive to school was pretty quiet, except for the soft music coming from the radio.

Once we made it to school, we both waved to Spencer and walked inside. No, we weren't holding hands or anything like that. We didn't do that kind of stuff at school because, as far as everyone else was concerned, Carly and I weren't a thing of any sort and she was still dating Michael. Plus, I'm not out to the school and if I was, I wouldn't want to bring Carly down with me. Being out in a school like this could mean trouble, and that's why I don't really go out of my way to tell people; I just let them think whatever they wanna think.

"So, what did boyfriend want this morning?" I asked her curiously as we opened our lockers, getting our books for the classes we had before lunch.

"He just wanted to talk. He said he missed me and he wasn't even supposed to be on the phone this morning, but that he was willing to risk it for me." She explained and I could hear the hurt in her voice. Michael was telling her how much he missed her and deep down, Carly wanted to end her relationship with him.

I reached over to rub her shoulder, giving her an apologetic smile. "If you need me, for anything at all," I wasn't just talking about our little rendevous in the bathrooms during the school day. "Just send me a text,"

"I was planning on it," She smiled to me, but I knew that her smile had another meaning to it. She closed her locker and I took my hand off of her shoulder. As if right on cue, Michael walked up to us.

"Hey, can I talk to you, Carly?" She nodded to his question. His eyes darted to me. "Alone, perhaps?"

"Anything you have to say to her, you can..."

"Sam," I rolled my eyes to her and nodded.

"I'll be in the bathroom, Carls." I told her and she nodded back. I could see that she was fighting off a wide grin because she knew what the bathroom meant for us, well at school.

I moved around the corner and leaned my back against the wall. I didn't _want_ to eavesdrop, but the part of me that was jealous, deep down, wanted to stay and listen and make sure Michael didn't try to guilt trip Carly into staying with him.

"Sam's right," I heard Carly tell him. "Anything you want to say to me, then you can say to her too: she _is_ my best friend, I do tell her everything..."

"And that's why you've been sneaking around with her, right?" My eyes grew wide at his accusation. Well, it was the truth, but that doesn't mean that he should know about it.

"I'm not cheating on you, if that's what you think," She replied to him, her voice growing firm. I remember a time when you could easily detect when Carly's lying. At least, I can detect when she's lying. As she grew older, she became better and better at lying; I bet she gets that from me, from hanging out with me all the time.

"Then if you aren't, kiss me... right now," I knew they hadn't even kissed yet. Not like a _real_ kiss: he's kissed her on the cheek, but that doesn't really count.

"I..." Carly's voice was hesitant. "I want to break up," She told him. I bet she folded her arms over her chest and she's probably shifting her weight between her feet, and avoiding eye contact. She does that when she's nervous.

Michael sighed. "If you wanted to break up with me, then why are you beating around the bush around it?" He almost laughed.

"Because I don't want to hurt you?" I could hear Carly's forced laughter. "You're a great friend, Michael, but I just... don't think I like you the way I thought I did anymore. If you don't want to be friends, I can understand."

"No, it's fine. We can still be friends." I think they did something like hug or shake hands. But I didn't see what they did. I moved into the bathroom where I knew Carly would be to find me.

Now that I think about it, I really didn't have to hang out there and hear that whole conversation. Carly's right: she does tell me everything. Well... everything but how she actually feels about me.

**A/N: Only two more chapters left! Sadness, I know. I'm stealing my neighbor's wifi right now to upload the three chapters I typed while my internet was knocked out. And hey, I got my license!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Inspirations: Fall For You – Secondhand Serenade; Somebody to Love – Queen; Good Girls Go Bad – Cobra Starship feat. Leighton Meester**

Chapter Seventeen: iCook For You

I slipped into one of the bathroom stalls, making it seem as though I was actually going to the bathroom, but I wasn't.

"Sam?" I heard Carly's voice and I flushed the toilet, stood up, and moved into the main part of the bathroom. I smiled to her softly and she returned my smile. "I broke up with Michael," She informed me. I wanted to tell her that I already knew but I let my smile grow wider.

"So, what does that make us," I asked her, folding my arms over my chest as I leaned against the frame of the bathroom door. I watched Carly carefully move towards me and she caught my lips briefly. My lips always seemed to tingle when she kissed me. It was so amazing. Then she pulled back and I pouted a little. "As amazing as that is, it doesn't answer the question that I asked you."

She giggled back to me and tucked some of my hair behind my ear, her fingertips dragging along my cheek afterwards. She was making me melt inside and she knew it, too. "This makes us... more than best friends," Thank you, Carls, for being so fucking blunt. She kept stroking my face delicately.

We broke apart from one another when the door opened. Carly moved towards the mirror and started rummaging in her bag, looking for something. I moved towards the sink next to her and started to wash my hands. After the girl that walked in left the bathroom, I gently hip checked Carls while she started applying lip gloss.

"Is that the coconut one?" I asked her softly, turning off the water and shaking some water off my wet hands. Then I moved to the paper towel dispenser; our school is not up to date with environmentally friendly bathroom equipment.

"Maybe, maybe not." She replied, smirking to me. I could see her out of the corner of my eye. "Why don't you find out?" She asked. I reached for the gloss she had just used and examined it. Yeah, it was the coconut. When I handed it back to Carly, I noticed the frown she was wearing.

"I was right. It was the coconut." I smiled triumphantly to her, ignoring the fact that she had wanted me to kiss her and find out that way. She folded her arms over her chest and I smiled widely to her. Just to be a tease, I pressed a chaste kiss against her lips. "And it even _tastes_ like coconut," I mused against her lips gently, holding her hips, before letting go and walking towards the door of the bathroom. I held it open for Carly and she smiled to me. Before I left the bathroom, though, I wiped at my mouth. I didn't want any lingering traces of her gloss to be obviously on my lips.

When we entered the hallways, they were filling with students. It was getting closer and closer to first period. I walked Carly to her class and she set her bag in her chair, then left. We had about fifteen minutes until the bell. The good thing about staying at Carly's house meant that I would actually get to school early. Next, we walked towards my first period class so I could drop off my bag. Then we went in search of Freddie because he wasn't at his locker.

Carly sent him a text message and when he responded, he said something along the lines of he was going to be late because he was getting a check-up at the doctor's and his mom insisted it be today. Whatever. That means I get to spend more time with Carly. Good for me.

"How long until the bell rings?" I asked her. She checked the time on her PearPod and showed me. We had about seven minutes. At this point, we were just wandering the halls, waiting until we had to go to class. Carly reached for my hand, lacing our fingers as we walked through the hallways. It didn't bother me. We held hands a lot, even before we started fooling around and whatnot. But now it kind of meant something, I guess.

The five minute bell sounded, and we happened to be near Carly's first period class. Mine was around the corner and down the hall from hers. No matter what classes we had, we always tried to meet up at our lockers in between classes. I'm happy we had lunch together though.

"Are we going to our usual spot for first period?" I asked her and she nodded. She wrapped her arms around me, giving me a tight hug. I turned my face into her neck and let my teeth graze her skin. I heard a quiet whimper leave her lips. Luckily, it was very soft. "See you in a few, Carls." I grinned against her skin and managed to sneak in a kiss on her cheek.

I made sure she went into her classroom and sat at her seat before leaving the doorway and going towards my class down the hall. I walked in just as the bell was ringing and I settled into my seat. Today was going to be a good day, I could just feel it.

-x-

The last bell of the day sounded in my ears and I grabbed my bag, heading for my locker. I was going to meet Carly and then I was taking the bus home. Carls had a big report to do for one of her classes and she wanted to get the bulk of it done, so I told her that I would opt out of spending the night again. Plus, I think Mom missed me. She called about seven times yesterday and left me voice mails.

"How much of your report did you get done in class today?" I asked her. Although she was able to go to the library during class to work on the report, I know how Carly is when it comes to school work: she is very punctual and likes to finish things before their due date. It's good that she has that quality, and honestly, she makes me want to do better.

"I got more research done and I finished my outline and works cited page." She told me. "And I wrote the introduction to my paper," The reason I called it a report was because she had to do a written research paper and have some kind of visual, too. I think she's making a poster or something. I don't even know what her report is on, but I know if she asked me to help her with the poster, I would in a heartbeat.

"That's great, Carls." I playfully punched her shoulder. "Are you taking the bus home?" She nodded. I knew that my bus was on the second wave of the buses in the afternoon, but Carly's was on the first wave. She closed her locker after she shifted what books she needed and didn't need. "I'll walk you to your bus,"

"You don't have to, Sam." She replied and I just shrugged, reaching for her hand. I threaded my fingers with hers carefully and she didn't protest, so I think that's good. Once we reached her bus, I let go of her hand and she pulled me into a lingering hug. "Call me when you get home,"

"Why? I thought you wanted to work on your report with no distractions?" I asked her, pulling back a little to see her.

"I might miss hearing your voice or something," She leaned her forehead on mine, smiling and blushing. She let go of me and walked onto the bus. I stood on the sidewalk with my arms folded over my chest. I had some Spanish homework to do. Ever since we returned from Spain, I've been doing a lot better with the foreign language, but I've also been checking my work against Carly's and she would help me if I asked.

Carly lowered her window on the bus. "Don't forget to call me,"

"I could never forget about anything having to do with you," I confirmed to her, smiling brightly back at her. We really are the best of friends. I really love being around Carly. It took me awhile to get used to her bubbly persona, but now that I'm more used to it, I've fallen in love with the way she is. As her bus started to pull away from the school, I waved to her and she settled back into her seat.

As I climbed onto my own bus and took a seat, I pulled out my cell phone. I opened up a blank text message. Once I finished typing the message that I wanted to say to Carly – "I forgot 2 tell u how cute u looked 2day" – I sent it to her. I got a reply in less than a minute, and just reading the message she sent me – "u just made me :)" – had a good effect on me, too. It made me smile in turn.

I'll admit, I'm a little upset that Carly said we were more than friends. We're not officially dating, but it sure feels like we are. Whenever we aren't spending the night with each other, we fall asleep on the phone together. I'm relieved for free nights and weekends, and unlimited text messages.

When I strolled off the bus and walked the short distance into my own home, I opened the door to a familiar scent: marijuana. I knew that smell so well that I was almost coaxed to use the drug myself, but I didn't. Carly was keeping me from doing things like that, whether she was aware of it or not. But it was coming from the couch. Mom and some of her "friends" were passing around a joint, but I had a funny feeling that Mom was wasted. Great.

"Samantha!" She rose from her seat on the couch after taking two long hits on the joint and got up to greet me. But she almost spilled her bottle of vodka on me. I took it from her hands and held it away from her. "I'm so happy you're home. Can you do me a favor, honey?" She asked, reaching for the bottle. I rolled my eyes to her as she handed me a crumpled pile of cash. It wasn't like singles and fives, it was crumpled tens and twenties. Fuck; where did she get all this? "I need you to get me something, sweetheart."

"Mom, I'm not twenty one; I can't buy alcohol." I told her. She giggled to me and shook her head.

"That's not what you're getting, baby doll. I need you to go meet Uncle Charlie. He's waiting on the corner of Hale and Main," She handed me the wad of cash and closed my fingers around it, taking the vodka bottle from my other hand. I didn't want to refuse her but I had to. This was getting ridiculous.

"No, Mom. I'm not going anywhere for you." I told her quietly, shaking my head. Tears were starting to sting my eyes. "You need help." I squeaked out. I couldn't even look her in the eyes. I wanted to call Carly and ask her if I could come over, but she had her report to work on. Well, I do have to call her.

As I made my way down the hallway, I heard Mom rejoin the crowd she had left and I moved into my bedroom, locking myself into my bedroom. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and rubbed my eyes, moving across my room to sit on my bed. I dialed Carly's cell phone number, smiling to myself. If she answered, then I would get to hear her voice. It made my stomach flip in excitement.

"What took you so long?" She asked when she picked up the phone. I chuckled to her.

"I had to fight my way through Mom's stupid party to get to my room." I explained to her. Carly knows that Mom is reckless but she doesn't know how bad it really is. I try to leave the details out for her because I don't want her worrying about me. I'm a big girl; I can take care of myself. I wasn't going to tell Carly how Mom tried to get me to go buy her drugs. That would make Carly take a bus here and climb up my fire escape. I did not want her here, around all of these drugs and whatnot.

"I'm sorry. Are you safe now?"

"If you mean am I alone and in my bedroom, then yes," I replied to her. I always feel so much more relaxed when I'm talking to Carly in situations like these.

"Well, good. I'm glad you're in your room. But I kind of wish you were here with me, or I was there with you,"

"No, you don't want to be here. It's disgusting here. I don't even want to be here..." I confessed to her. She kind of went quiet after that, but I could distantly hear her typing. "So how much of your paper do you have done?"

"I have about three pages typed, but I have to have six pages double spaced. It's only single spaced right now." Carly was an over achiever. If the assignment was for six pages, minimum, she'd give at least eight pages.

"So, you're almost done?" I asked teasingly. She replied with mocking laughter because she knew I was making fun of her. Well, I was trying to be nice about it.

"Just about, yeah. And it's not due for another week, so now I'll be able to sneak out of that class for longer amounts of time."

"We only have... four weeks of instructional school days left," I knew that wouldn't mean much to Carly. When finals rolled around, she went into super study mode. Hell, she'd even get _me_ to study. Yea, I know, hard concept right? "And that's not including finals and make-up final days, Carls. Sneaking out of class won't matter too much,"

"I know, but now I don't have to worry about Michael getting pissed at me for sneaking around with you." She explained. I knew she had been so hung up about how he felt about her the whole time she would ditch him to be with me. Carly is such a sweetheart, I don't know how she ever managed to cheat on him.

I heard shouting and glass shattering out in the living room. Then a door slammed. And then it slammed again. There were loud voices and there was a knock on my bedroom door. My heart started to race.

"Let me call you back. I think something's up and I don't need Mom getting hurt,"

"Okay, but be careful. I'm only a phone call away,"

"I wish you were closer than that." On that note, I hung up the phone. I slid my cell phone into my pocket. I unlocked my door and opened it. I was face to face with a young paramedic. He seemed nice enough.

"Are you Samantha?" I nodded to him. "I think you're mom is the one being carted off to the hospital." He offered, his voice sounding cautious. Maybe he's new to this.

"What happened to her?" I asked, folding my arms over my chest as I walked to the living room with him. Mom was passed out and on a stretcher. She had some blood on her forehead that was dried and being cleared up by another paramedic.

"She fell and hit her head on the coffee table." He informed me. I just nodded slowly. When he asked about riding in the ambulance with her, I agreed to it, but I didn't know _what_ I was agreeing to when I had nodded. I followed him outside to the truck and I climbed into the back after Mom was loaded inside.

I spent several hours at the hospital and then I took a bus home around dinner time. The next few days of school dragged on. I didn't tell Carly what was up but I promised that I would spend the night with her again soon. I didn't let on to the fact that things at home were not good for me. Within five days, Mom was released from the hospital and she told me she was going to put herself into a rehabilitation center. She said she wanted to do better, not just for herself, but for me, too. She wanted to be a good parent.

Mom has been in rehab for the past two days and I'm stuck home alone. There's not much left of school and things are starting to wrap up. I know that I could go over to Carly's apartment but then Spencer would be around, and he's been very careful with us ever since he walked in on us making out in the iCarly studio. If I invited her here, then we would be alone. Mom wasn't checking herself out of rehab that fast, I know she wouldn't do that to herself. So, I dialed Carly's number. She didn't answer the phone but she sent me a text message saying that she would be over in about fifteen minutes and she would ring the bell when she was here. Fantastic. I had a little time to clean up.

I wanted to cook for Carly. I'm not that great of a chef, but I do know a few things. That's what I get for being around food so much. Drawing in a deep breath, I quickly cleaned some of the dishes from the sink, washing them with haste and setting them in the dish drainer to drip dry. I wiped down the counters and tidied up the living room. I had cleaned my room yesterday and I just closed Mom's bedroom door. The bathroom was relatively clean; I mean, it didn't sparkle, but it wasn't gross. It was a happy medium, I suppose.

I heard the bell ring and I leapt to my feet to answer the door. I was so excited to see Carly. I didn't know what I was going to cook us for dinner, but I was determined to cook something. I might have to ask Carly to help me. She's a lot better at cooking than I am, I know that for sure.

When I pulled the door open and I was greeted by Carly's warm smile, I instantly felt better about my whole situation. Mom wasn't going to be home from rehab for at least two weeks, possibly more, and it sucks being alone all the time. I do go to Carly's almost everyday after school but sometimes I don't. Sometimes I have to come home to an empty place.

"Where's your mom?" She asked me quietly, moving inside and I closed the door behind her. She noticed how I locked us in and headed for the couch.

"She's uh... getting the help she desperately needs," I explained, folding my arms over my chest as I came to sit next to her. "She nearly drank herself into a comatose state about a week ago, so she checked into a rehabilitation center. It's all voluntary for her, but I think she's actually going to stick to it." I didn't want to tell Carly _what_ made Mom check herself into rehab exactly... you know, the fact that her daughter barely wanted anything to do with her if she was going to keep killing herself the way she did.

"Oh," Was all Carly could manage. I knew it was already too much for her. At least, that's how I felt about telling her things like this. "I'm glad she's getting help. But if you're ever feeling lonely, my bed misses you too."

"My shower misses you," I teased and she scowled at me, lightly smacking my shoulder. "What? It's the truth!" I confessed, turning to face her. I can just get lost in her eyes, oh my gosh they are so gorgeous.

"Sam," Her fingertips stroked along my cheek and she leaned her forehead on mine, letting our noses just slightly brush together. "What's for dinner,"

"Mm, whatever you want me to make you," I replied. I couldn't help it. I _had_ to kiss her. I let our lips brush, but just gently. It was just a quick kiss, enough to keep my lips tingly and satisfied for now. I wasn't expecting anymore sex from Carly right now. Though, I really wish we would stop beating around the fucking bush and just start dating.

"Let's go see what you have to cook," Carly stood up and pulled me towards the kitchen. I moved around her, taking the lead and pulling her into my kitchen. I felt her arms snake around my waist and I smiled widely. Carly very rarely takes charge in our relationship, but when she does, she makes me heart beat faster than it should. That's okay, though. It's a good kind of fast.

I pulled over the fridge and frowned. Nothing really to cook except for eggs. There was only a few bags of frozen vegetables, some ice packs, and the last of Mom's vodka that I hadn't gotten rid of or downed myself. In the pantry, there was cereal and some dry noodle mixes, but they required milk, which I did not have right now. I used the last of it for cereal earlier in the week, for breakfast.

"How about breakfast for dinner?" I asked, turning around to face Carly. She nodded in agreement and caught my lips, only further emphasizing her affirmative response. "Mm, I like the way you say yes." I whispered playfully and she wrinkled her nose to me.

"Don't get too excited. You're not getting lucky tonight,"

"I wasn't even planning on that, Carls..." I confessed, shrugging weakly. I draped my arms up around her neck and she held my hips protectively. "I just like waking up in your arms. Is that a problem?"

"No," She whispered back sweetly, biting her bottom lip. I made her blush. I made her nervously blush, too. She was so cute when she blushed! Her slightly tanned cheeks held a cherry red hue and it was just adorable. "I just... never thought I would hear you say something so..." Carly shrugged weakly. "So sweet,"

"I can be sweet too. I'm not always mean Sam; you of all people should know that I have a softer side," I teased her lightly and wrinkled my nose some, pecking her lips. Then I let go of her neck and turned in her arms. She still only held my hips, trying to keep me close I think. But she leaned over and dragged her lips along my neck. So now she's teasing me? Great.

I cracked two eggs into a bowl, setting the shells aside and whisking them easily with a fork. But my eyes closed and I stopped whisking the eggs together in the bowl, chewing my bottom lip. It didn't seem like Carly wanted dinner right now; seems more like she wanted dessert, actually.

"Carls," She stopped moving her lips along my skin when I said her name. "I can't concentrate with you doing that,"

"Sorry," She whispered meekly. "I'll stop." She started to take her arms from around my waist and I quickly turned around. I cupped my hands over her cheeks and crashed our lips together. I felt her almost instantly try to deepen the kiss and I didn't protest. I couldn't protest.

But Carly pulled back, giggling. My eyes were closed and I'm led to believe that hers are as well. "I'll let you finish cooking," She whispered, pecking my lips. Then she disengaged herself from me and walked down the hallway, slipping into the bathroom. While Carly was gone, I turned one of the stove burners on and let a pan heat up to scramble the eggs. I continued whisking them, adding two more eggs to the mixture, and a splash of tap water. Milk would have made the eggs taste fluffier, but we don't have any milk; boo. Water will have to suffice. I added a pinch of pepper as well, then poured half of the eggs into the pan, letting the edges curl. I used a metal spatula to pull the eggs from the pan, flipping it over to let it cook. It smelled so lovely. I would have made bacon if we had some, but of course, we had no bacon. And no cheese to melt over the eggs, fuck. This is a lame breakfast for dinner meal.

When Carly returned from the bathroom, I had fixed both of our plates with the two portions of scrambled eggs. I drew a smiley face with the ketchup on her plate and when she saw it, she grinned to me and pecked my cheek. I'm glad she appreciates how much I appreciate her.

"Mm, these are really great. Thank you," She offered to me in between bites.

"Why are you thanking me? I invited you over because I was lonely and cooked for _you_ because you came to me when I needed you. That's what friends are for," I shrugged to her, taking a large bite of my food. We were sitting on the couch. The table was a mess and neither of us felt like clearing it off. I felt Carly wrap an arm around my waist and pull me closer to her. Then she rested her head on my shoulder.

"Does the invitation extend into tomorrow morning with breakfast?" She whispered to me and I smiled, kissing her head.

"For you, always," I replied and she grinned, finishing her eggs.

"But I didn't pack a bag..."

"That's fine. You can borrow some of my clothes," Carly lifted her head and took both of our plates to the kitchen. She just simply set them in the sink. We didn't need to wash the dishes now; we both knew that we would do it later.

I grabbed her hand when she returned to the couch and I pulled her into my bedroom. Even if the apartment was empty, I still felt that we had to keep things contained to my bedroom. It was some weird notion I had, I don't know. My room was the only room that the drugs hadn't reached. I could say alcohol because I had three empty bottles hidden safely underneath of my bed and wrapped in old clothes. In my defense, they were gorgeously shaped bottled and I wanted to fill them with colored sand sometime in the future, for decoration or something. Lame? Maybe, but I don't really give a flying fuck about what other people think.

Once we made it to my room and closed the door, I sat on my bed and pulled Carly with me. Instead of sitting next to me, she straddled my lap and threaded her fingers through my hair. We stared at each other for some time. It was almost unnatural, the way we were staring at each other. We were all smiles. It was hard _not_ to smile at Carly.

I walked my fingertips along her thighs slowly and pecked her lips. She giggled and grinned wider to me. We seemed very nervous for some reason. I leaned forward a little and trailed my lips slowly along her neck until I reached her ear.

"Can we go to sleep? I'm exhausted; we had a long day," I whispered into her ear and received a silent nod in response. Honestly, I was relieved that she agreed with me. I instantly felt cold when she stood from my lap and folded her arms over her chest.

"I'm cold. Do you have something warm I can borrow?" She asked, shivering a little. I quickly pulled open one of my drawers and grabbed a pair of pajama pants for her, the flannel plaid kind with a draw string and pockets, a tee shirt, and an oversized hoodie sweatshirt.

"Will these warm you up?" I offered to her, handing over the folded clothes. I watched her small smile shift larger and she gave me a slow nod, a silent one. I turned around to give her some privacy as she changed and I started to rummage through my clothes, picking something out for pajamas as well. I started to pick out some clothes for us in the morning, mainly in the undergarments department.

"Carls, I don't think I have... oh, wait... I have one of your bras here. Never mind," I told her and set it on my dresser. "You get your pick of boy shorts. It's all I have,"

"No, you have something girly in there. I know you do, babe." She replied, pulling the sweatshirt over her head and grinned, closing her eyes and hugging herself. "This is so warm. I am so stealing this from you."

"You're not supposed to _tell _me that you're stealing it. And did you really just call me babe? What the hell..." I felt her poke my sides playfully and I jumped a little.

"Language," She scolded me and hugged my waist. I couldn't help but lean against her a little bit. My eyes closed and it was only when she pulled away that I realized I still hadn't changed into my pajamas. I turned to look over my shoulder and Carly was climbing into my bed. I quickly changed into my choice of shorts and a tee, turned off the lights, and climbed into my bed next to her.

She was lying on her side, facing me; she pulled my arm around her waist. With my freed hand, I lightly stroked her cheek. She threaded her fingers through my hair slowly, letting her fingertips trail along my neck and down my chest playfully. She's a tease, and she knows it, too.

"When you said you were in love, you did mean... with me, and not like... bacon or something, right?" Carly's words made me giggle. "Sam, I'm being serious here,"

"I know you're being serious; that's why I'm laughing." I replied to her quietly. "Of course I meant you. If I was expressing my love for some kind of food product, I wouldn't have been so sincere about it. You of all people should know that, Carls," I explained to her, weakly shrugging. "And you mean more to me than any amount of food," I whispered sweetly.

Carly's cheeks blushed a soft pink and she pecked my lips softly. "I never thought I could but I've fallen in love with you harder than I ever wanted to fall for anyone." Her voice was quiet and I knew she was completely serious right now. There was no way that Carly could ever lie to my face and get away with it.

"Really?" I sounded far too excited. I didn't know I could get Carly Shay to break down her walls for me. Well, okay... I _did_ fuck her in the shower and she _did_ fuck me in the airplane bathroom. But we already trust each other completely; falling in love is something totally different and out of our control.

"Yeah," She replied and pulled my arm around her tighter. She curled her head into my chest and closed her eyes, grinning widely. "But I'm scared, Sam. I don't know the terms and conditions that come along with being in love,"

"And you think I do? I know even less than you do, cupcake." I informed her, threading my fingers slowly through her hair and closing my eyes. I was so relaxed with her so close to me. It's a very addicting feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I love it.

"I don't want to put a label on our relationship either." She confirmed. "No matter what happens, I'm always going to be your best friend first and you're always going to be my best friend first as well. Every thing else just needs to be secondary to our friendship until we can figure out the best way for us,"

"So we can't make out in the bathroom at school anymore?" I opened one eye and looked down at her. She opened one eye as well and looked up at me. I was pouting; she was smirking.

"We can still do that." She replied and closed her eye again. I closed mine as well. "But right now, let's go to sleep. You're right: we both need..." Carly curled more against me and yawned brightly. "... need sleep." I heard her voice start to trail off. Somewhere in her continued mumbles, I heard a muffled "good night" and possibly an "I love you" but I wasn't so sure on that second one.

"I hope you still love me in the morning," I whispered into her hair and she snuggled closer to me. I held her tightly. I was afraid that if I opened my eyes, I would wake up from this magnificent dream of mine and I would just be back to crushing on Carly in secret.

**A/N: One more chapter! Then I'm going to start working on the drabbles and a few other stories.**


	18. Chapter 18

**Inspirations: Three Cheers For Five Years (Acoustic) – Mayday Parade; Fall For You – Secondhand Serenade.**

Chapter Eighteen: iAm Out of School

It's the last day of school. We had locker clean out two days ago and Carly had next to nothing in her locker, so she helped me with mine. The majority of the contents in my locker was something edible, which didn't surprise anyone. After we cleared my locker of its contents, we helped Freddie move his electronic equipment from his locker. Why? Because I didn't want to hear him whining about how heavy it was and Carly insisted we help him. But that was two days ago. It's seriously the last day of school, I'm not lying. I only have two more solid years left in this hell hole the city calls a high school.

"Do you know what this means, Carls?" I nudged her side lightly with my elbow. She gave me a questioning look. "This means we're officially juniors. We are finally upperclassmen. No more dealing with shit from older students... well, except seniors." She was tired, I knew that. She had been up all night studying for her math final and I felt bad for falling asleep on her on the phone, too. But I needed to sleep. I wasn't studying. I had no drive to keep me awake like Carly did.

"Sam, I understand you are _very_ excited to be out of school, but I am exhausted..." She complained to me quietly. I felt her head rest on my shoulder gently as well. I wrapped an arm around her waist.

"We can go home and take a nap. I wouldn't mind holding you," I pushed some of her hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ears. My fingertips grazed along her skin slowly. I saw her eyes close and the smile on her face grow in size.

"When you say home, do you mean my place or yours?" She asked me softly. That made me smirk a little. Home has so many meanings to me, but when it comes down to it, home is really where I feel safe and comfortable to be myself. That happens when I'm locked in my bedroom, when I'm at Carly's, or when I'm holding Carly.

"Mm, wherever you want to fall asleep in my arms," I told her, grinning like a fool.

"Who's falling asleep?" Freddie's voice seemed to burn my ears by how he was ruining our moment. He had a habit of ruining moments for us. I let go of Carly's waist and she lifted her head, smiling weakly to Freddie.

"I am," Carly chirped, yawning and resting her head on my shoulder again, closing her eyes. She turned so that her forearms brushed against my biceps, from the way her arms were folded over her chest. I wanted to put my arm around her and hold her close, but I couldn't. We had decided to keep our enhanced relationship a secret from Freddie as best as we possibly could. We didn't want to make things awkward for him.

"Oh. Well, I just wanted to tell you that I can't hang tonight." He informed us brightly, tucking some small equipment into his backpack. It was the last bits and pieces of his locker apparatus that he didn't entrust Carly or myself to carry from point A to point B. I gave him a questioning look that could cover both my thoughts and Carly's thoughts. "I have a date tonight with my girlfriend."

Carly lifted her head and rubbed her eyes open. "Am I hearing you correctly? Did you just say you have a date with your girlfriend?" He nodded to her brightly, grinning wide. Carly glanced over to me and I narrowed my eyes at her. "Well, where are you taking this _elusive_ girlfriend of yours on your date?"

"I was thinking dinner and a movie. Something simple, I guess," Freddie replied, closing his locker gently. "I'll talk to you later. I gotta meet Heather at the park in an hour,"

"Ooo, la la!" Carly teased him. But as soon as he walked away and the halls were empty, except for us, she curled her arms around one of my arms and leaned on my shoulder, closing her eyes again. Then she turned her head to look at me, smiling with her eyes open.

"What?" I asked, my voice quiet, a smirk playing across my lips. "What's going on in that smart head of yours, cupcake?"

"Why don't you ever take me on movie and dinner dates?" She asked me in response, drawing in a shaky breath as she spoke to me.

"Because, cupcake," I explained to her, stroking her face slowly with my other hand. "We're not together and I'm broke." That didn't seem to be the answer that Carly wanted. She sighed and nodded in response to me. As a result of what I said, the public bus ride and walk up to her apartment were silent, for the most part. I mean, she did hold my hand the whole time, even when we got inside, even when Spencer greeted us. Carly simply waved to him – as did I – and she continued leading me up the stairs and into the room that had become our bedroom. Yes, our bedroom. The iCarly studio was slowly turning into the room we slept in whenever I was here. I mean, yeah, sometimes we did end up in Carly's actual bedroom, but it was rare for us.

I sat down on the edge of the race car bed, folding my arms over my chest. Carly sat down next to me. I watched her fingers walk along my thigh slowly. She made my breath hitch. I bit my bottom lip carefully and squeezed my eyes shut.

"Carls, I thought you wanted to take a nap or something," I offered to her quietly, opening my eyes and glancing over to her. She leaned towards me and caught my lips. "Mmn, that doesn't sound like nap time..."

"I'll take a nap if you promise to hold me and never let go." She whispered on my lips. She pulled back and shifted, starting to slide underneath the blankets on the bed. I took off my shoes – Carly was wearing flip flops that she easily kicked off but I was wearing sneakers – and I moved to lie down next to her underneath the blankets.

"What reason would I ever have to let go of you," I honestly asked her and she simply shrugged her shoulders to me as I pulled an arm around her waist, bringing us closer. Carly grinned and pecked my lips, then she curled against my chest, closing her eyes. She instantly fell asleep. But I was still awake. I couldn't fall asleep just yet. My heart was pounding and my stomach was full of active butterflies.

I was about to close my eyes when I heard the door open. It was Spencer. I slowly let go of Carly and kissed her forehead. She was sound asleep. I tip-toed over to the door and slipped into the hallway.

"She wanted to take a nap and I..." Spencer and I rarely had conversations alone like this. Sometimes I felt a tad awkward around him, like right now, when he walked in on me cuddling with his little sister.

"It's fine, Sam." He shrugged it off. "I just wanted to come up here and remind Carly that I'm leaving in a few hours for that art show in Los Angeles." He explained. "She's got all the information she'll need and my cell phone will be on, so if she needs to reach me... you know, she'll be able to do that."

"Oh," I nodded slightly to him. "I'll tell her when she wakes up, if she wakes up after you leave or something," Spencer nodded and headed back on downstairs. I moved back into the studio and wrapped my arm around her waist again. That's when I felt her starting to squirm a little in my arms. She was stirring. Did she know that I had gotten up and spoken to Spencer?

"Mmn, why did you get up?" She whispered close to my neck and it made me close my eyes gently. "I got cold without you here," Carly wrapped an arm around me as well and pulled me closer to her. I smiled widely to that and kissed her forehead lovingly.

"Spencer came to the door. Mentioned something about an art show in LA and that he was leaving soon," She nodded into my neck, obviously knowing what I was talking about. But I don't think she cared right about now.

"So are you staying over?" She asked me quietly. My fingers threaded through her hair carefully and she snuggled closer to me. I could feel her soft moan of approval vibrate against my neck. It gave me chills, in all honesty.

"Do you want me to stay?" She nodded against me. I closed my eyes and leaned my face into her hair. "Well, after our nap, I'll have to go home and pack a bag or something. I'm running out of clothes here and I don't think any of your stuff will fit me." I explained and I felt her nod against me once more.

"Works for me," Carly placed a chaste kiss against my neck and started to shift. But she opened her eyes and looked right back at me. Our eyes locked for what felt like ages. I was getting lost in her eyes, so lost that I didn't even notice that she was speaking to me, not until she poked my cheek anyway.

"Sam, did you just hear me?" She asked, giggling when I shook my head. She pecked my lips sweetly and let her nose brush against mine playfully. When she tried to pull out of the kiss, I tugged at her bottom lip and she cupped my face delicately. "I asked you a question,"

"What did you ask; I zoned out," I didn't want to tell her I got lost in her eyes. How lame does that sound? The fact that you can actually get lost in someone's eyes or the fact that I can't bring myself to admit that I was just doing it? Ugh.

Carly poked my stomach playfully, smirking to me. "I asked if you would be my girlfriend, not a big deal or anything.." She whispered to me, drawing in a deep breath. My heart started to race again and I knew my stomach was doing flips. I couldn't seem to verbally answer her but I couldn't stop grinning. "Well?"

Before she could say another word, I shifted our position a little roughly. I cupped her face and crashed our lips together, pinning her down to the bed. I wasn't sure if Carly would go for the intense kiss, but when I felt her fingers curling around the bottom of my shirt and tugging me just an inch closer, I teasingly pulled back. Our foreheads were touching, our noses were brushing against one another.

"So, that's a yes, right?" Carly whispered, her eyes still closed. I felt her fingertips moving along my sides, underneath of my shirt. I loved the way her fingertips seemed to leave trails of fire from there they touched my skin.

"Of course it's a yes. But I thought you weren't into labels? Thought those were for soup cans and whatnot," I teased her, and she wrinkled her nose to me. She pressed her lips against mine again, in an attempt to get out of replying to my question.

"Maybe I don't like labels but I want to be able to call you my girlfriend," She informed when I pulled back from her kiss. Damnit, Carls: why can you be so cute without even trying?

I rolled off of her and stayed lying on my side. I wrapped an arm around her again and she curled up to my chest again. I felt Carly's breathing even out as she started to fall asleep again. I closed my eyes and leaned my face into her hair. I inhaled evenly. I wonder how this summer is going to go over, or how this relationship will go. But all I can do is wonder. And dream.

**A/N: I've already started planning the second part of this story, from Carly's POV. ^.^**


End file.
